whining? Help (child care, teenagers, girls, appropriate)

[stargazer]

I have got issues with this with BOTH children. My husband's family, I believe it is imbedded genetically to be whinners. If anyone knew my in laws and brother in laws from tiny tiny, they will agree. I just don't know how to stop the cycle... anyone know of any good books?

My family are not whinning people... we just talk real loud lol... yes a genetic trait... if you walked in a room with my realitives, you would want to wear a pair of ear phones. My son will have a big voice when he grows up.. people often look at him and wonder how such a little kid can have such a deep voice. LOL.... no book on that I know.

[Aibutiej]

How old are your kids? I stopped my kids from whining by refusing to listen to them when they whined. I would say, "You're whining." or "I can't hear you when you whine." Some times I would have to say that a few times until they stopped whining and starting talking to me or asking me something and then I would respond. Of course, this change of behavior didn't happen right away. But as they got older, the whining stopped. And when it didn't (even teenagers like to whine sometimes) I'd go back to "You're whining."

Can't recommend any books, just speaking from my own experience.

[veuvegirl]

I do the same thing. The kids whine; and I will tell them I will listen to them when they speak in a big boy or big girl voice. Until they are ready to do so; I won't listen.

[therewego]

I say "I need to hear your regular voice" now they know the difference between the whining & regular voice. Also, I would whine too and they would hear what it sounds like.

[hypocore]

As mentioned by previous posters...telling them I won't listen/I can't understand/talk regular.... always worked for me with all the different kids over the years that whined (I'm in child care) You just have to be consistent and brush them off if they don't immediately stop instead of trying to listen and understand their whining.

[mari4him]

I think it depends a little bit on the age of the kids. My fiance has 2 little girls ages 3 and 4 who at times whine or cry when they want something. I've been doing with them the same thing I did with my kids who are now 15 and 19 and it has been working to reduce the whining. Basically, it is the same as other posters have said here.

When they are whining I simply say, "okay, you are whining and I don't respond to whining, when you can ask for what you want like the big girl you are, then I'll listen". This has worked so well that I have found that I don't even need to say that most times, now I simply have to look at them and ask in a playful way almost "are you whining?" This often leads now to an immediate correction on their own part and them asking appropriately for whatever it is they want. Then I often just say "ahhh now that's better"

I agree though, consistency is key and you really gotta watch yourself on that one.

[regarese]

Another vote for not responding to it. I tell her I don't respond to whining and she needs to speak nicely.

[5kingsinvegas]

That is what I have always done also. I think it is the best route. Don't respond to the whining and they will quickly catch on.

[treeg26]

Yep. Don't respond to whining voices. It won't take too long for them to figure it out!

[cdc3217]

Same here. Whining will get you nowhere.