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Old 09-25-2019, 03:28 PM
 
1,176 posts, read 319,610 times
Reputation: 2067

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I have a son that will be 9 in a few weeks. His father left me when he was 4. We went through the family court system to get visitation and child support set up. We have had some issues with my ex physically abusing (as well as stalking, domestic violence, etc) my son and visitation suspended for 18 months. Social services wanted it to be permanent but a judge (old man, divorced that hates women) decided son should see his father.

It has been a bumpy road. Despite my attempts to talk up the trips to see his dad, he hates going. He likes his dads new wife, which is our only saving grace. But he hates his father for valid reasons. He has never taken a interest in son. My son plays sports and father says mean things, tells him they are a waste of time, and has a general bad attitude when son asks his dad to take him during his time. The father calls everyone in my family bad names to son. My son is extremely close to my parents. He couldnít pick out his fathers parents in a crowd if you asked him to, so I think the father is jealous of the relationship. They are bad people so I am fine with father not taking child around them. I have never even met the mother. (Drugs)

Son is scared to death to talk to his father because he is a very angry person with a temper. Last year I tried having a chat with son and his father, to help son tell his father the changes he could make to make visits more comfortable. He makes him share a room with an 18 year old step son. He told son that nothing was going to change and to suck it up. My fiancť once again tried earlier this year, which was also a failure. My son carries his phone every where but his dads. I think something happened. He wonít let son call anyone in our family while he has him. He says because I donít let son call him. Which is not the truth. I donít manage who son calls. He calls my parent and his friends all the time. He texted his father last in april, but certainly not because I wonít allow him. It is hard to be forced to talk to
Someone you just donít like.

Last time son was with father, they made him play paint ball. Father played on opposite team, so he could shoot son. He came home with bruises on his legs. Paintball bruises donít count as abuse in the state the father lives, or I would have tried to use that to get visitation stopped again.

I have an appointment with my attorney this week. I am just at a loss what to do. It angers me that the court system is so adamant about children seeing both parents. Father has me in court yet again to try to have his child support lowered but the case may be dropped because he wonít produce any documents to prove his income. He owns a trucking company and told them he only makes $42k a year. He wonít show anything to prove that though. I have offered for him to stop paying support of stops taking son for scheduled visits, and just takes him when son calls for a visit. He had me draw up papers a few years ago but then backed out of signing them. My lawyer is going to attempt this deal Again but my luck is just not that good...

Son came home the other day and said the only reason his dad gets him is to aggravate me. I believe that to be a true statement.

I just donít know what to do. I hate that he is always hurting son. Any suggestions?
Has your son seen a psychologist? I would be worried there could be other things going on you don't even know about. In any event the psychologist could provide documentation on the psychological impact of father-son relationship.
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Old 09-25-2019, 03:48 PM
 
1,270 posts, read 850,980 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Has your son seen a psychologist? I would be worried there could be other things going on you don't even know about. In any event the psychologist could provide documentation on the psychological impact of father-son relationship.
Great idea
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Old 09-25-2019, 03:57 PM
 
4,166 posts, read 2,888,192 times
Reputation: 8001
My ex was a jerk too and he also manipulated the visits, badmouthed me to the kids, rented out rooms in the house to strange men for extra money, wouldn't drive the kids anywhere and ignored them when he had them. If they had practice or a game while at his house, I'd go pick them up and take them. He's still a jerk.

I told the kids that this was their dad, he wasn't great on some things, so don't expect so much from him. He never really had much interest in them except when it came to using them to make my life harder. I told them to respect him and that this was their chance to learn how to get along with someone more difficult.

They survived. Now that they're grown, they limit their interactions with him.

As for sharing a room with the older boy, I don't think that's a deal breaker. He likes the mom, so that's good. As for paintball, my son played that at 9 and loved it. Not sure if he got more bruises from paintball or sports.

Good luck, it's hard. Pick your battles. I'd tell him since he's older, he'll get along with dad better this time.
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Old 09-25-2019, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,636 posts, read 8,592,000 times
Reputation: 21091
You need a much better lawyer.

Call your ex and arrange a meeting and sit down somewhere public and talk to him. See if that gets you anywhere.

Your son is too young to be stuck in the middle.

Find the meanest, most ruthless attorney out there. He'll make your ex pay.
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Old 09-25-2019, 05:42 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,002 posts, read 19,132,744 times
Reputation: 24945
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
You need a much better lawyer.

Call your ex and arrange a meeting and sit down somewhere public and talk to him. See if that gets you anywhere.

Your son is too young to be stuck in the middle.

Find the meanest, most ruthless attorney out there. He'll make your ex pay.


You hit the nail on the head document everything that goes on , keep a journal . Any lawyer worth his or her grain of salt will tell you to document everything .
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Old 09-25-2019, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,688 posts, read 43,182,435 times
Reputation: 86542
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post

You need a much better lawyer.
I agree. ASAP

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post

Your son is too young to be stuck in the middle.
This ^^ is the most important factor.
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Old 09-25-2019, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Virginia
4,148 posts, read 2,173,379 times
Reputation: 11543
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I don't know what to say but I am so sorry you and your son has to deal with this situation.

For the record, when my son played paintball, bruises were possible (which is why the courts wouldn't count them as abuse). However, my son's friends didn't target him. It must have been so scary for your son!

Hope your son as a positive male role model in your Dad or another adult.

Well, it sure as heck isn't her "fiancť".
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Old 09-25-2019, 07:29 PM
 
6,641 posts, read 3,100,633 times
Reputation: 16983
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
Well, it sure as heck isn't her "fiancť".
Took some time to get more data involving this maternal parents goal.
Sad that the son is part of her controlling agenda..

It's 16 in Maryland for a minor to petition the courts.
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:20 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
5,419 posts, read 2,479,485 times
Reputation: 17799
My opinion would have been different several years ago, before the local case of Dylan Redwine hit the national news.

https://www.thedenverchannel.com/new...n-fathers-home

Since then my first inclination is to believe the children. OP, I'm not suggesting your ex is anything like the father in this case & I'm not trying to be dramatic but when young boys want nothing to do with their father; I think they should be listened to. That case will haunt me for the rest of my life; my neighbor across the street knew the family personally.
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Old 09-26-2019, 05:35 AM
 
4,386 posts, read 1,896,404 times
Reputation: 8878
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
You need a much better lawyer.

Call your ex and arrange a meeting and sit down somewhere public and talk to him. See if that gets you anywhere.

Your son is too young to be stuck in the middle.

Find the meanest, most ruthless attorney out there. He'll make your ex pay.
The meanest, most ruthless attorneys out there aren’t often the best attorneys. They typically annoy the judges more than they actually accomplish something and cost a lot of money with their antics that could be used for the kids. That isn’t to say that the OP doesn’t need a better attorney, but assuming that the meanest, most ruthless attorney is the most effective one is usually a bad strategy.
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