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Old 09-26-2019, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,451 posts, read 5,123,278 times
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I would call the parents immediately. I would also no longer allow texting on your daughter's phone. This is not the kind of pressure an 8 year old should be dealing with.
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Old 09-26-2019, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,863 posts, read 43,355,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliDreaming01 View Post

If you were in my shoes, who would tell and how?
If YOUR daughter were sending texts about being dead and generally misusing her phone that way, bombarding friends with post-bedtime messages, what would YOU want the other parents to do? How would you feel if they didn't event contact you but went to the school counselor???

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliDreaming01 View Post

PS: I hope this doesn't turn into a debate over kids having phones. I used to be very opposed to my child having a phone at this age. My husband disagreed and I obviously lost that battle. I'm making the best of it.
It's a relevant concern, given the nature of the behavior this girl has exhibited. Phones certainly can be convenient for parents but as evidenced here they are a landmine in the hands of children who don't even understand the seriousness of typing that they wish they were dead.

Just because a child can do something doesn't mean they should.
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Old 09-26-2019, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,727 posts, read 17,994,344 times
Reputation: 43522
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miso Blu View Post
(snip)

If it were me, I would want the parent to let me know immediately so I could address the situation without someone in the school system either ignoring it or bringing in child protective services.
In my state, a school counselor or a teacher (or a social worker or doctor, etc.) that receives information that a child has threatened suicide by law is mandated to call CPS. And, in emergency situations, also call the police for immediate assistance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
So would I. It would also be a good time to mention my child's bedtime, and appropriate hours for calls or texts.
Personally I, too, would contact the parents first.

One of my daughter's friends in K and 1st grade never did understand that you should not call someone late and would sometimes call at 9 or 10 or even 11 PM (on the house land line). Apparently, the mother didn't care. We eventually had to block the phone number.
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Old 09-26-2019, 10:43 PM
 
663 posts, read 425,225 times
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Something needs to be done, but not sure what. Ussually, when an 8 year old is talking suicide [or acting on it]there are some terrible things going on at home. Abusive parents discovering their child is not playing their role well, could trigger more rapes, more torture, being thrown down more stairs or a 2 story house window, being forced to vomit, and then being forced to eat it, stuff like that. And the worst abusers, they know how to play "concerned parent" before they turn on the child with even more torture.

I am 65 years old, and I STILL don't know what you should do. Maybe YOU can get the child to open up, and you just may find the child [hopefully hopefully hopefully] is just a drama queen. But if that child is being tortured at home, letting the parrents know that their child is not hiding 'family secrets" well enough, will only make things worse.

You might want to get to know the child's parents. But if they are "lovely" parents who say things like "My little darling, she makes up stories all the time," then you know you have to do something. I still don't know what.

My older sisters' first serious suicide attempt was when she was either 8 or 9. And she wasn't even the family scapegoat.
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Old 09-27-2019, 04:41 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,948 posts, read 4,348,418 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MtBierstadt View Post
OP. Call the parents. And feel no guilt. It is the right thing to do. If the parents give your a flip response, then contact the school counselor.
THIS!

If this were my child, I'd want a heads up that my daughter was even texting something so volatile.

The parents might be totally unaware that their daughter is in distress because they are so busy and they might thank you a million times for making them aware.

The least this will do is alert them to the fact that their daughter is up far too late for an 8 year old to be texting and calling friends.

If the parents do brush you off, then by all means contact the school counselor.
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Old 09-27-2019, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,222 posts, read 5,583,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
So would I. It would also be a good time to mention my child's bedtime, and appropriate hours for calls or texts.
FWIW, I don't think this the appropriate time to do so. It just seems callous to say "I'm telling you this because it sounds like a cry for help, and I think you should know about it. But also, please tell your daughter not to issue cries for help after 9:00pm. Thanks."

I think you let the late calls/texts go in this instance. If it becomes a problem, then address it but in this instance, focus on the little girl who needs some help right now.
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Old 09-27-2019, 07:43 AM
 
4,209 posts, read 2,906,804 times
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You should call the parents and introduce yourself, explain the girls' friendship and then read the texts. Let the other parents know that your child has limited use of the phone so they can explain to their child that your daughter won't be answering or responding to texts at all hours. 8 years old is really too young for this phone addiction and instant contact to take hold. You can see how the little girl got more frustrated as your daughter didn't reply.

I guess another question is does your daughter want to be friends with this little girl? Her texts are very manipulative and personally, I wouldn't want my child to have to deal with that at such a young age. If she really does have thoughts of suicide, is your child equipped to give her the right answers? Of course not. Let children be children.
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Old 09-27-2019, 09:39 AM
 
2,745 posts, read 1,637,488 times
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She’s probably being dramatic however I would inform both the parents and the school so they can evaluate further. My son is 9 and has said he would rather die than do homework before but it was all for the drama and not sincere. With a text it’s hard to tell though and if something did happen you’d feel awful.
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Old 09-27-2019, 10:13 AM
 
820 posts, read 431,460 times
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Some more details about the girl that may or may not be relevant: The girl's mother is a native of France and they have lived overseas for a good part of the child's life. The child is bilingual. The family is very well off financially. She is allowed to take her phone to school. They apparently don't monitor her phone use at all. I'm wondering if cultural/socioeconomic differences are at play.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
You should call the parents and introduce yourself, explain the girls' friendship and then read the texts. Let the other parents know that your child has limited use of the phone so they can explain to their child that your daughter won't be answering or responding to texts at all hours. 8 years old is really too young for this phone addiction and instant contact to take hold. You can see how the little girl got more frustrated as your daughter didn't reply.

I guess another question is does your daughter want to be friends with this little girl? Her texts are very manipulative and personally, I wouldn't want my child to have to deal with that at such a young age. If she really does have thoughts of suicide, is your child equipped to give her the right answers? Of course not. Let children be children.

Yes, my daughter likes the girl very much and didn't feel manipulated. I think at this age they really don't grasp phone etiquette and don't self censor yet. All of my daughter's friends (and my daughter too!) tend to get upset when they can't reach their friends and will call several times in a row and beg and plead in texts. This girl just got way more upset by not being able to reach my daughter than other girls her age and was way more persistent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
Something needs to be done, but not sure what. Ussually, when an 8 year old is talking suicide [or acting on it]there are some terrible things going on at home. Abusive parents discovering their child is not playing their role well, could trigger more rapes, more torture, being thrown down more stairs or a 2 story house window, being forced to vomit, and then being forced to eat it, stuff like that. And the worst abusers, they know how to play "concerned parent" before they turn on the child with even more torture.

I am 65 years old, and I STILL don't know what you should do. Maybe YOU can get the child to open up, and you just may find the child [hopefully hopefully hopefully] is just a drama queen. But if that child is being tortured at home, letting the parrents know that their child is not hiding 'family secrets" well enough, will only make things worse.

You might want to get to know the child's parents. But if they are "lovely" parents who say things like "My little darling, she makes up stories all the time," then you know you have to do something. I still don't know what.

My older sisters' first serious suicide attempt was when she was either 8 or 9. And she wasn't even the family scapegoat.
You've hit on the head the reason why I am kind of reluctant to bring it up with her parents. I don't know if there's something going on at home that would make her say that. If there is and I raise issues with her parents, I fear making things worse for her. I'm waffling a bit and wondering if I should just speak with our school's counselor for advice without naming the child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
If YOUR daughter were sending texts about being dead and generally misusing her phone that way, bombarding friends with post-bedtime messages, what would YOU want the other parents to do? How would you feel if they didn't event contact you but went to the school counselor???



It's a relevant concern, given the nature of the behavior this girl has exhibited. Phones certainly can be convenient for parents but as evidenced here they are a landmine in the hands of children who don't even understand the seriousness of typing that they wish they were dead.

Just because a child can do something doesn't mean they should.

A few people have asked what I would want in this situation, and I think this is an impossible question for me to answer because I am not in this situation. For me, it would depend on what the parent is telling me, my relationship with that parent, and how well that parent knows my child. If it were a teacher and a counselor raising an issue with me, I would definitely take that seriously
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Old 09-27-2019, 10:20 AM
 
820 posts, read 431,460 times
Reputation: 1266
Quote:
Originally Posted by annabanana123 View Post
She’s probably being dramatic however I would inform both the parents and the school so they can evaluate further. My son is 9 and has said he would rather die than do homework before but it was all for the drama and not sincere. With a text it’s hard to tell though and if something did happen you’d feel awful.
Yes, I could definitely see it as a kid just being dramatic. She is very social and has other friends and really isn't displaying any signs of depression in what I can see. I would feel awful both ways. If I raise it with the counselor and it ends up she's just being dramatic, I would feel terribly and if she really does need help, I would of course feel badly too.

I'm thinking I might just show my school counselor the texts and not name the child until I get more of a feel of how to proceed. I wonder if they could just keep an eye on her and not tell her parents unless it's something serious. Also, I would think the school might have much more info on this girl than I'd be privvy to.
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