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Old 09-30-2019, 11:44 AM
 
975 posts, read 267,812 times
Reputation: 2585

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Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
On the other hand, if the daughter has such a hard time with turning out the lights after leaving a room, maybe turning over the electric bill to her name will help. And if the parents don't mind, letting the electric get turned off when she doesn't pay could be a positive learning experience for her, too. Bet it only happens once.
Or an occupancy/ motion light switch?
As far as I understand the OP mentioned this as an example- a lot of other things are going on, perhaps, which annoy him.
You raise a cute baby and then- bam! You are living with the roommate with bad habits!

Encourage your daughter/ buy her out in order for her to move. Before you know- **** can hit the fan: read a story how a couple had to get their adult son to court in order to “evict” him.
https://www.robertreeveslaw.com/blog...dult-children/

https://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_li...ult-child.html

https://ask-a-lawyer.freeadvice.com/...-th-138325.htm
This one is from Australia - some ideas
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/publ...living-at-home

Once you start charging her- she is your tenant and you are the landlord!
You better brush up on landlord- renters laws in your state.
Some states/cities are very disadvantaged for renting/landlords.
You can catch more bees with honey- give your child an incentive to move out.

Last edited by Nik4me; 09-30-2019 at 11:53 AM..
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Old 09-30-2019, 11:53 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,834 posts, read 72,457,502 times
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What is she doing with her money? That part of the picture is missing. Even if she's earning barely above minimum wage, she can afford to buy her own groceries, especially with the employee discount at the store. In fact, she could be helping both of you save on your grocery bills with her employee discount, probably, but that hasn't occurred to her.

Is she saving for first/last month's rent + damage deposit, so she can get her own apartment? Is she frittering away her paychecks every month? This needs to be discussed, along with the other issues.
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Old 09-30-2019, 01:05 PM
 
39,363 posts, read 15,576,458 times
Reputation: 25729
You wouldn't parent a teenager like you would a toddler. So why parent a grown woman like you would a teen?

Time for daughter to have her own place, move in with her boyfriend, or share a place with a girlfriend.

Decades ago, when women never had to support themselves, but rather relied on parents and husbands to do so, this would have worked out.

But those days are long gone. Most women have to carry their share of the financial load and many find themselves facing middle age alone.

Not supporting her in learning to be self-sufficient would be like not helping her learn to read, or walk.

It would leave her at a disadvantage in life.

What parent would want that?
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Old 09-30-2019, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,682 posts, read 17,951,700 times
Reputation: 43366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
What is she doing with her money? That part of the picture is missing. Even if she's earning barely above minimum wage, she can afford to buy her own groceries, especially with the employee discount at the store. In fact, she could be helping both of you save on your grocery bills with her employee discount, probably, but that hasn't occurred to her.

Is she saving for first/last month's rent + damage deposit, so she can get her own apartment?
Is she frittering away her paychecks every month? This needs to be discussed, along with the other issues.
I was wondering the same thing. I have know a few people who lived at home after college (for a couple of years). One saved enough money for a substantial down payment on her first house and others paid off thousands of dollars worth of student loans. Even with a minimum wage job she should have been able to save quite a bit of money over the years.
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Old 10-01-2019, 05:13 PM
 
137 posts, read 455,138 times
Reputation: 76
Sassyblussy :That's exactly where I am going. I had a little talk with my wife about letting her know it's coming and we got to side together and put a strategy together.

Rodentraiser :That's my approach, I love my daughter but she needs to wake up.

Nik4me : Agreed Nik. Nationality or race has nothing to do with good or bad parenting.

GotHereQuickAsICould :One more poster going my way. Honestly I thought some people were going to let me have it about the way I was talking about my daughter. But the majority agrees with me.

I am going to grab a notepad one evening when my daughter is not home and have a chat with my wife. We are going to plan correctly so we don't go in opposite ways when we talk to our daughter.

Thanks to all the posters

Pat
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Old Yesterday, 07:20 AM
 
12,903 posts, read 10,226,109 times
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I think the “rent ramp up” method might work for you here. Announce, right now, that next month, She must pay you a $50.00 “rent fee” on the 1st, to live in your house for the month. In the next month, December, you charge $100.00 . January comes, she has to pay $150.00 to stay. Continue increasing by $50.00 every month. After a year or two she will find it is cheaper to rent on her own than to continue to stay and pay the escalating rent charges.
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Old Yesterday, 06:02 PM
 
137 posts, read 455,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
I think the “rent ramp up” method might work for you here. Announce, right now, that next month, She must pay you a $50.00 “rent fee” on the 1st, to live in your house for the month. In the next month, December, you charge $100.00 . January comes, she has to pay $150.00 to stay. Continue increasing by $50.00 every month. After a year or two she will find it is cheaper to rent on her own than to continue to stay and pay the escalating rent charges.
Ncole

Thanks for your input but I find this solution a little harsh. I don't want to kick her out no matter what but wake her up.
We love her she is our daughter, on her own with her grocery store salary she would be stuck with 4 roommates who knows where.
We are going to get through to her, she is not stupid just comfy at mom's and dad's.

Thxs for sharing

Pat
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Old Yesterday, 06:19 PM
 
1,284 posts, read 360,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vaindioux View Post
I would like for my daughter to help us as she does not pay for anything.

Thanks for your time

Pat
And at what point do you want her to move out? Have you discussed this with your wife? Your daughter? Do they both expect your daughter is going to live with the two of you forever? Has she talked about this with her boyfriend-- do they want her to move in with him full-time, is that ever a plan?

This isn't like a lot of young adults who are living with their parents until they get a job that pays them enough to move out. She's settled into her routine. There's nothing wrong with not going to college or working at a grocery store, but if she also expects she's going to live with her parents her whole life, that may be a problem.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me View Post
I think the best if your daughter moves out into her own place vs you starting charging her- it is awkward and won’t improve your relationship- it could make it petty between the 3 of you and will lead to more aggravation and resentment.

You can sit her down one day and say, surprise!
We decided to help you out honey- found a few cute little apartments for you to move in.
It is time for you to try to be on your own- at your age your Mom was already married and started a family!
Let’s schedule to go and look at the apartments on the day off- go all 3 as a family- even invite a boyfriend.

Tell her that she can take whatever furniture she needs from the house and all household necessities- pans, dishes, etc. Even offer to pay her security deposit, etc.
Look for an attractive place for her-in a good area, safe, let it be very small if it is an expensive part of town - you need her to get excited about moving out!
( she could go for coffee nearby or a bar without driving, grocery, shopping, movies, etc)

It may bring all of you closer together, add some excitement ( new adventures) in finding the right safe place.
Dad may need to help to move, fix something, Mom will help with curtains, decoration, etc
You even can assure her that if something unforeseen happens she always welcome back to your home.

At 26 it is a bit late for you to give her lectures about turning the lights off.
In her place when her bills are high- you may suggest for her the way to cut it by turning the lights off.
So instead of annoying lecture now in your home - it will look like a valuable advice from her dearest Dad.
Mom could cook something and drop it off for her child at her place every now and then to help her and to have an outlet for her feelings towards her baby! ( Occasional extra groceries drop off, etc could be welcome too, especially at the beginning)

It will be interesting to check the boyfriend’s reaction as well regarding your daughter getting her own place: if he is serious- he could suggest to her to move in with him and save some money? Or even marriage?
It is better I think, than to start charging her.
Then you can let go- she has a dirty apartment- she has to clean it, at least you won’t have to nag her with chores - and let her be, figure it all out by herself- with possibly your gentle recommendation..
Say that once a month- she have to prepare dinner - and you both come for a visit- it should keep her on her toes as far as cleaning.
Then, once a month- she would come to dinner with her boyfriend to your house..
It could be very nice
No, no, no. OP, don't give her free choice of taking your belongings or all your best stuff will be gone. Don't tell her she can come back if it doesn't work out, or the next thing you know she'll be behind on the rent and back in your house and good luck ever getting her out again. Don't pay her bills or you'll be doing it forever. Again, NO.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
What is she doing with her money? That part of the picture is missing. Even if she's earning barely above minimum wage, she can afford to buy her own groceries, especially with the employee discount at the store. In fact, she could be helping both of you save on your grocery bills with her employee discount, probably, but that hasn't occurred to her.

Is she saving for first/last month's rent + damage deposit, so she can get her own apartment? Is she frittering away her paychecks every month? This needs to be discussed, along with the other issues.
This.
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Old Yesterday, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,682 posts, read 17,951,700 times
Reputation: 43366
Quote:
Originally Posted by vaindioux View Post
Ncole

Thanks for your input but I find this solution a little harsh. I don't want to kick her out no matter what but wake her up.
We love her she is our daughter, on her own with her grocery store salary she would be stuck with 4 roommates who knows where.
We are going to get through to her, she is not stupid just comfy at mom's and dad's.

Thxs for sharing

Pat
Maybe if she is stuck with four room mates because of her low salary, she will decide to get a better job.

I know someone who was so "comfy at moms and dads" house that she is now 72 years old and still living in her childhood bedroom (obviously because she never moved away from home).
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Old Yesterday, 07:51 PM
 
4,968 posts, read 4,230,191 times
Reputation: 10566
You want her to pitch in. You have to have a measurable way to do that.

What would market be for her room & board? Take that number and divide it by $10. That will give you how many hours of house cleaning labor she owes you a month. This is not to include her labor cleaning her own room & laundry-that is on her.
Who pays for her phone, car, insurances?
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