Potty Training Question (stepmother, method, ideas, punishment)

[mari4him]

Okay... this is not a real big issue but something my fiance and I are trying working with right now. With a 19 and a 15 year old, it's been a while since I've had to deal with the issues of potty training lol so turning to you guys for some advice, idea's etc.

My fiance has 2 little girls ages 3 & 4 (13 months apart to be exact and soon to be 4 & 5). Anyway, the 4 year old is fully potty trained. No problem there. The 3 year old however is only partially potty trained. While she wears a pull up at night, during the day she has no trouble going potty except when it comes to poopies. Yeah I know the things we parents talk about. LOL.

I never really encountered this with my kids, when they were being potty trained it worked for both #1 and #2. I've tried to do little things to encourage her to try to go do poopies in the toilet and 1 time even convinced her to actually sit on the toilet to try and I stayed with her. (lasted about 1 minute and she was up asking for her pull up)

She doesn't give any real reason for not wanting to do it in the toilet and is obviously not afraid of it because she does use it for #1. When you ask her why she doesn't want to try to do it in the toilet she just says "don't want to".

We know eventually she will so we don't really fuss with her much on it beyond trying to encourage her to try the potty before just putting a pull up on her, but the thing is she will be starting pre-K soon and would like for her to be fully potty trained by then if at all possible.

Anyone else go through something like this with their kids?

Any idea's why she may not have any problems doing #1 in the potty but having a bit of an issue with doing poopies in the potty?

Any tips/suggestions/advice of what we can try to make her feel more comfortable with the idea and at least try?

Figured some of you out there with younger kids may have recently dealt with something similar and may be able to offer some ideas. Or even those of you with older kids, if you went through the same thing and remember what worked and what didn't work.

[gentlearts]

Well, it might seem harsh, but I've heard of this working.. Since she is for sure old enough to comprehend and accomplish this, she may just be grooving on the extra attention she gets from you begging her and cajoling her.
Tell her, very kindly and matter of factly, if she does not go poop in the potty she will have a priviledge taken away. Like maybe, "Since you did not act like a big girl today, you will need to go to bed an hour earlier than your sister, and you will miss having our before bed ice cream and story. Maybe tomorrow you will go poopy in the potty like a big girl and you can have ice cream, too".

[cmacf1]

My older daughter (now 5) did the same exact thing for months after she was doing #1 in the toilet. She also could give no reason why. With her, I purposefully took her to Ikea with 2 friends of hers (and their mom) and when they all wanted to go into the play club, I asked if they all were totally potty trained. They all said yes!!! I told my daughter, "Wait, you're not totally potty trained because of the poopies. Sorry, but you won't be able to stay in the play club." And despite her horrible temper tantrum, we left her little friends in the club and took her with us shopping. She was angry and kept saying, "I AM potty trained, mommy!" And I kept saying, "Not for poops, honey, so I couldn't leave you in there." Within 2 days, she was using the toilet for everything. The next week I took her back to Ikea to play.

With our younger daughter, I was desperate to get her out of diapers, so the week before her 3rd birthday, I told a little white lie and said she couldn't go to the pool in a swim diaper because they had changed the rules (and yes I feel guilty for lying, but it didn't hurt anybody.) She would have to be fully potty trained (at least during the day) in order to go in the pool. Within a week, she was out of diapers and has only had one accident since then (this was last August.) I would never have done this if I didn't believe she was ready. Apparently she was ready.

Good luck!

[laysayfair]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

Well, it might seem harsh, but I've heard of this working.. Since she is for sure old enough to comprehend and accomplish this, she may just be grooving on the extra attention she gets from you begging her and cajoling her.
Tell her, very kindly and matter of factly, if she does not go poop in the potty she will have a priviledge taken away. Like maybe, "Since you did not act like a big girl today, you will need to go to bed an hour earlier than your sister, and you will miss having our before bed ice cream and story. Maybe tomorrow you will go poopy in the potty like a big girl and you can have ice cream, too".

Can you first try getting a bunch of little cheap toys she might like and putting them in a bag and tell her that everytime she does a poopie in the toilet she can pick out a toy. My son was the same way. I went to the 99cents store and got lots of little toys and showed him the bagful. I told him very nicely that every time he did a poop on his little potty he could pick one. Worked immediately! He kept trying to poop so he could get more toys and thought it was a fun game. I gave him the toys and lots of encouragement and congratulations after each one. Try this method first before the punishing method. Why use a "stick" if a "carrot" would work just as well and keep you from looking like the "wicked" stepmother.

[INeedATylenol]

Try reading the No-Cry Solution to Potty Training. Please, whatever you do, don't discipline them. Potty learning will come in time, accidents are not worthy of punishment.

[ali&ajsmom]

we used to let our son run around in a long t-shirt during the day if we were home so if he had to go potty he would have to use the toilet. plus we gave him extra little treats and a ton of praise. Good Luck!

[kensgirl]

I tend to agree that rewards seem to be better for my kids than punishments. Since she obviously CAN use the potty, it's a matter of choice. My son loves the vacuum (I know - I should be so lucky to have him want to vacuum when he's 14!) Anyway, everytime he used the potty, he got to vacuum. Once he was able to pee without problem, we ramped it up, so everytime he went #2, he got to vacuum. It seems strange to say it now, but it did work. Find something she likes to do, and reward her when she does it. Good Luck

[Victor 13]

I wish I had been more in-tune with my own (now adults) kids but had a second chance to learn about baby developements through my grandsons now 6 and 8 months. With the older one which I baby-sat while his mom was working gave me many rewarding challenges.

Yes, praise is the #one key to sucessful potty training as is a reward especially during the begining on-the -job training of potty training. Hovering over a stool of water has got to be streesful for the little ones. We have our original toddler potty chair when we raised our kids and still use it till they graduate to the "real thing."

I hope all works for you and the little one. Time and patience also goes a long way.

[veuvegirl]

My son had the same issue. Sadly we tried pretty much EVERYTHING and nothing really worked; only until he was good and ready did he actually go. That said; here are all the suggestions made to me by Doctor's and moms. First and foremost DO NOT punish her.

1. Put her in underwear, if you haven't already, if she poops, just keep changing it. She'll hopefully get uncomfortable enough to not do it anymore. If she keeps doing it; have her clean it up herself, change herself and deal with it.

2. Put prizes on the back of the toilet. Every time she poops; she gets a prize. OR make it a big prize. She has to work towards something she really wants.

3. Ignore it. She has an accident, change her, don't mention anything good/bad about it.

4. Love the Ikea idea another poster mentioned; nothing like peer pressure!!

5. Find out 'where' she poops. My son would go to 'play' in the car and actually be pooping. We put the small potty in there, and he started to use it everytime!!

The biggest thing is whatever you choose, be consistant and stick with it; don't be wishy washy and change tacticts.

My son was the last of his friends to be trained, just refused to poop on the potty. He was fully trained at 3 for peeing, didn't wear a diaper even at night. Our youngest one, she decided she had to show up her brother so at barely 18 months, she decided she would be potty trained... so that said. Basically they do it when they are ready. Finally when my son went to a new pre-school that was all he needed and it was over like a bad dream!

[mari4him]

Sorry was out of town for the weekend and just got back from a long long drive. Figured I'd check to see repsonses while I unwind lol.

Anyway, thank you all for the responses. My fiance and I don't really believe in the punishment approach when it comes to potty training. Accidents do occasionally happen and thats okay. We are very encouraging when it comes to that. Having said that... she pretty much is fully potty trained in the sense that she does use underwear with the exception of bedtime. To sleep she does use a pull up but more often than not it is dry when she wakes up.

When she has to go poopies she does come and ask. In other words she knows she has to go and she doesn't have accidents with it in her undies. She asks for a pull up and then just goes within a few minutes. Each time we've been encouraging her to go in the toilet but for some reason she won't. It's not that she is afraid of the toilet as she uses it often during the day and stuff, it's just the poopies that seems to be a problem.

I've tried telling her if she goes poopies in the toilet I will take her to the store and let her pick a toy, pretty much any toy she wants (I just figured I'd be selective of the store lol) but she says "no she doesn't want to go in the toilet and wants the pull up" we don't give up right away and try to encourage a little more but we also don't fight with her on it either. She still has a few months left before starting school and so we do have some time before accomplishing what we'd like to accomplish. We've been telling her once she starts school she really can't have the teacher put a pull up on her and that none of the other kids will likely be wearing them but it is all done in a loving and patient manner.

I'm definately one of those that goes for the whole "carrot" approach for things like this so I like the idea of having a bag with some prizes in it accessible. Kinda like instant reward rather than having to go to the store type thing. I will have to give that a shot and see. I'm not sure what Ikea is so don't quite grab that one short of the peer pressure aspect. Will have to find out what that is and see if there is something similar we can try as a reward where we are. I will also look into that No cry solution to potty training if the little reward bag doesn't work.

Thank you for all the great responses. Was curious as to what has worked for others who have maybe gone through similar as like I said, its been a long long time for me since having to deal with potty training issues and really never had this seperation of being able to do one thing in the toilet but not the other to deal with so was a little stumped.