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Old Today, 07:16 AM
 
5 posts
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I need some advice. I have 3 children with my ex husband. We have NEVER gotten along. I stayed in my marriage for 15 years before I couldn't take it anymore. For awhile after divorce, we had 50/50 placement. But during my marriage, I was a stay at home mom the entire time. I took my kids to every doctor, every dentist, every conference, every extra curricular activity, I did everything in the house, because my ex husband wasn't there. He never even knew the kids grades unless I told him. He never asked.
Fast forward- we have a special needs child who is 16. I kept having to leave work to deal with things at school and home and ended up getting fired because of it. I got evicted from my apartment and ended up moving in with my then boyfriend who lived a hour and a half away. My ex husband and I came to an agreement then one day I was served with court papers and he was trying to take the kids completely away from me because I was evicted. When I called him, he told me he changed his mind on or arrangement and wanted the kids with him full time. Shady if you ask me. He was never a dad while we were married and now suddenly wanted to be full time dad. We went to court and he won, he got 65% placement, I got 35% because he told the court I was unstable because I got evicted.
Fast forward 2 years- I'm still living with my then boyfriend, now fiance! We're getting married in 4 months. Mutt fiance got offered a GREAT paying job in Nevada that would give him a huge pay increase and allow us to provide a better life for our children and ourselves. I tried to discuss this with my ex husband. Here is what I offered:
1) Drop his paying me child support (he makes a tremendous amount more than I have and was ordered to still pay me child support).
2) Fly back every other Thursday-Sunday to still get my exact same amount of time with my children.
3) Have then half of their summer breaks with 2 week rotations (2 with me in Nevada, 2 with him in Wisconsin, etc. for 12 weeks) and I would pay ALL their transportation costs and fly back to get them so they don't fly alone.
4) offered him a plane ticket to Nevada if anything were to happen and he needed to come out by the kids.

I just want the exact same placement schedule we already have, except changing it to having then in Nevada in the summer. We are keeping our house here in Wisconsin so that when I fly home every other week to be with my kids, we will still have a house here. I did everything I was supposed to do- filed a notice of relocation letter to my ex and the court, filed a motion to change visitation, and verbally came to an agreement wi my ex. When I brought the paperwork to him to sign the agreement so we can file it in court, he basically told me to shove it! I shouldn't even have to give up child support since I'd still have them the exact same time as I do now but I was willing to do that for him. We discussed, her yoked me things he wanted and I agreed to it all. Now jess changing his mind. Our children are 9, 10, and 16.

I know the court are all about meaningful visits with each parent. I know they are all about consistency. But now I'm terrified he's going to fully take my children away from me even though I've done nothing wrong. I'm trying to better my life and the future for myself and my children and this move and job opportunity could really make that happen.

Anyone have any advice on what the judge will decide? Can the ex stop me from having them? Will the judge allow me 2 week rotations in Nevada during their summer break?

 
Old Today, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,838 posts, read 43,323,744 times
Reputation: 86831
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom4lifeto6 View Post
I need some advice. I have 3 children with my ex husband. We have NEVER gotten along. I stayed in my marriage for 15 years before I couldn't take it anymore. For awhile after divorce, we had 50/50 placement. But during my marriage, I was a stay at home mom the entire time. I took my kids to every doctor, every dentist, every conference, every extra curricular activity, I did everything in the house, because my ex husband wasn't there. He never even knew the kids grades unless I told him. He never asked.
Fast forward- we have a special needs child who is 16. I kept having to leave work to deal with things at school and home and ended up getting fired because of it. I got evicted from my apartment and ended up moving in with my then boyfriend who lived a hour and a half away. My ex husband and I came to an agreement then one day I was served with court papers and he was trying to take the kids completely away from me because I was evicted. When I called him, he told me he changed his mind on or arrangement and wanted the kids with him full time. Shady if you ask me. He was never a dad while we were married and now suddenly wanted to be full time dad. We went to court and he won, he got 65% placement, I got 35% because he told the court I was unstable because I got evicted.
Fast forward 2 years- I'm still living with my then boyfriend, now fiance! We're getting married in 4 months. Mutt fiance got offered a GREAT paying job in Nevada that would give him a huge pay increase and allow us to provide a better life for our children and ourselves. I tried to discuss this with my ex husband. Here is what I offered:
1) Drop his paying me child support (he makes a tremendous amount more than I have and was ordered to still pay me child support).
2) Fly back every other Thursday-Sunday to still get my exact same amount of time with my children.
3) Have then half of their summer breaks with 2 week rotations (2 with me in Nevada, 2 with him in Wisconsin, etc. for 12 weeks) and I would pay ALL their transportation costs and fly back to get them so they don't fly alone.
4) offered him a plane ticket to Nevada if anything were to happen and he needed to come out by the kids.

I just want the exact same placement schedule we already have, except changing it to having then in Nevada in the summer. We are keeping our house here in Wisconsin so that when I fly home every other week to be with my kids, we will still have a house here. I did everything I was supposed to do- filed a notice of relocation letter to my ex and the court, filed a motion to change visitation, and verbally came to an agreement wi my ex. When I brought the paperwork to him to sign the agreement so we can file it in court, he basically told me to shove it! I shouldn't even have to give up child support since I'd still have them the exact same time as I do now but I was willing to do that for him. We discussed, her yoked me things he wanted and I agreed to it all. Now jess changing his mind. Our children are 9, 10, and 16.

I know the court are all about meaningful visits with each parent. I know they are all about consistency. But now I'm terrified he's going to fully take my children away from me even though I've done nothing wrong. I'm trying to better my life and the future for myself and my children and this move and job opportunity could really make that happen.

Anyone have any advice on what the judge will decide? Can the ex stop me from having them? Will the judge allow me 2 week rotations in Nevada during their summer break?
We can't answer the legal questions here, unfortunately.

I do wonder if your kids really will see all the schlepping back and forth as a better life, even with the increased pay, and how the flight schedule will wear on you.

I also wondered why you say you have 3 kids but your username says "mom to 6?"
 
Old Today, 08:06 AM
 
5 posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
We can't answer the legal questions here, unfortunately.

I do wonder if your kids really will see all the schlepping back and forth as a better life, even with the increased pay, and how the flight schedule will wear on you.

I also wondered why you say you have 3 kids but your username says "mom to 6?"
My older kids are grown and on their own out of the house and they don't have the same father.

My kids are excited about it, I sat and discussed it with them and answered all their questions. Flying back isn't an option and is mandatory as my fiance has a part time job here that he has to work in order to have amazing flight benefits. It is only 2 shifts a week but mandatory. His regular full time job in Nevada is what we are moving for.
 
Old Today, 08:13 AM
 
1,236 posts, read 1,569,201 times
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You moving to Nevada but coming back to Wisconsin every other week for visitation seems expensive (this must be a REALLY good job) but doable. That part would not cause stress to the kids as they would live their regular life with their dad for a week and a half, then transition over to your house for half a week. Your move to Nevada would be (except for perhaps missing sports events and school performances) not a huge factor.

But the idea of the kids having to fly back and forth every two weeks all summer sounds stressful and unreasonable to me. And really expensive. Were it me, I would modify that part of the plan so that one parent has the kids for the first half of the summer, and the other for the second half.

As to whether the judge or your ex will agree to it, I have no idea.
 
Old Today, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,838 posts, read 43,323,744 times
Reputation: 86831
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post

But the idea of the kids having to fly back and forth every two weeks all summer sounds stressful and unreasonable to me. And really expensive. Were it me, I would modify that part of the plan so that one parent has the kids for the first half of the summer, and the other for the second half.
I agree.

OP, is your ex remarried?
 
Old Today, 08:36 AM
 
5 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
You moving to Nevada but coming back to Wisconsin every other week for visitation seems expensive (this must be a REALLY good job) but doable. That part would not cause stress to the kids as they would live their regular life with their dad for a week and a half, then transition over to your house for half a week. Your move to Nevada would be (except for perhaps missing sports events and school performances) not a huge factor.

But the idea of the kids having to fly back and forth every two weeks all summer sounds stressful and unreasonable to me. And really expensive. Were it me, I would modify that part of the plan so that one parent has the kids for the first half of the summer, and the other for the second half.

As to whether the judge or your ex will agree to it, I have no idea.
I tried that at first because I agree with you. I said 6 weeks with me, 6 weeks with him. He wouldn't agree to that. Then I said 3 week rotations for 12 weeks. He asked for 2 week rotations. I agreed to that even though I don't feel that's the best option. I was willing to discuss and compromise.

It is a REALLY great job, but the part time job here in Wisconsin is what gives us amazing flight benefits and also covers myself, my children, his children, his mother, and one friend. So it's really not that expensive at all. It's imperative that he works those two 4 hour shifts so we can have the flight benefits for us and our children.
 
Old Today, 08:44 AM
Status: "Run from it or learn from it" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
469 posts, read 164,423 times
Reputation: 1744
Every single court in the country will treat this differently. What you need is an attorney. Even if money is tight, if this important you need an attorney. A good attorney will get you the visitation you want with with half the summer with you or at least a month. What youre asking is not unreasonable and actually shows an intense desire to maintain the relationship with your children as is. But you need an attorney to advocate for you. STOP GETTING VERBAL AGREEMENTS FROM HIM. He is just screwing with you.
 
Old Today, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Central Florida
2,132 posts, read 2,747,162 times
Reputation: 8373
I have some questions.

First, what happens if your fiance's part-time job in Wisconsin goes away and you lose the flight benefits? I think your judge is going to want to see a Plan B. I don't think "That won't happen" will suffice.

Second, how is this schedule going to affect your special-needs 16-year-old? You say his needs were so demanding that you lost your job attending to him, but you mention no accommodations to him in your plans.
 
Old Today, 08:55 AM
 
5 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
Every single court in the country will treat this differently. What you need is an attorney. Even if money is tight, if this important you need an attorney. A good attorney will get you the visitation you want with with half the summer with you or at least a month. What youre asking is not unreasonable and actually shows an intense desire to maintain the relationship with your children as is. But you need an attorney to advocate for you. STOP GETTING VERBAL AGREEMENTS FROM HIM. He is just screwing with you.
I didn't think what I was asking for was unreasonable either. He is trying to make it more difficult than it has to be. I literally have given him everything he wants just so we don't have to argue and go to court. I don't understand why he's being so difficult.
I literally can't afford an attorney right now. I don't have extra money. Right now we are just making ends meet. That's why we're moving, to better life for us and our family financially. I really wish I could. I'd jump on it in a heartbeat but I can't afford it.
I honestly think he's jealous because I'm bettering my life and he's still living life by struggling. I don't want to bad talk him, but I will say that when I left him, I decided right then and there that my life isn't going to be a struggle anymore, I was going to do whatever it takes to get ahead and provide a better life financially for myself and my children. My fiance is the same way so we are doing just that. But we refuse to give up time with our children so we are trying to make it the same visitation it is now while bettering our lives financially.
 
Old Today, 08:59 AM
 
5 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
I have some questions.

First, what happens if your fiance's part-time job in Wisconsin goes away and you lose the flight benefits? I think your judge is going to want to see a Plan B. I don't think "That won't happen" will suffice.

Second, how is this schedule going to affect your special-needs 16-year-old? You say his needs were so demanding that you lost your job attending to him, but you mention no accommodations to him in your plans.
You are right, and we have thought about that. But the money my fiance will be making in Nevada will still cover regular priced flights while still allowing us to live comfortably with a cushion and savings. I'm telling you, this job offer is phenomenal!

My 16 year old has adhd, depression, anxiety and learning disabilities. I have looked into resources for her while she is with me, should she need them and I have all those resources documented. I thought about all that. She will have a mentor and therapist by me as well as other services should she need them.
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