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Old 10-20-2019, 09:55 AM
 
23,712 posts, read 17,948,640 times
Reputation: 43727

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DairyGodmother View Post
@OCNJgirl when I read how you describe your childhood it sounds lovely. I was very similar, but I always thought it was bc my family moved every year and I never really attached...and was a latchkey kid too...but I don't remember being 'sad' at all.

My son did have a bff from grades 1-4 and he just moved out of state. So I guess I am just looking at a kid who lost his best friend :-(

I don't know what I expected...I guess I thought he'd want to play with neighbor kids or engage on the playground, but not everyone does.

A few days after I posted this, a classmate's mom texted to invite him over Sunday afternoon. I'm not a religious person but it felt like a little gift from above.

I haven't gone back to read the scary posts. I'm sure they reflect my fears.

That's awesome, about the invitation. Yes, it is very hard to lose a good friend. And it's even harder when the friend was so primary in his life. He probably felt that child "got him" more than the other kids. It probably does feel very much like a break-up.
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Old 10-20-2019, 10:08 AM
 
1,490 posts, read 480,429 times
Reputation: 3288
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
See the DSMV for the criteria for autism.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-...-criteria-dsm5

Note that rocking is not listed although it might fall under stereotyped or repetitive motor movements.

Not to dwell on this but there are a many, many links to rocking and autism.

Rocking is common among people with autism spectrum disorder. A person with a separate developmental disorder who displays habitual rocking can be diagnosed as autistic.

https://www.pasadenavilla.com/2018/0...ental-illness/

Repetitive body movements (e.g. rocking, flapping, spinning, running back and forth)
https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-are-symptoms-autism

Children who are autistic may have repetitive, stereotyped body movements such as rocking, pacing, or hand flapping. https://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/q...body-movements


I apologize for derailing the OP and discussion, but since Gates was mentioned.

Google: Melinda Gates’ “Soft” Eugenics

https://www.americanthinker.com/arti..._eugenics.html
https://www.thinkinghousewife.com/20...melinda-gates/
https://medium.com/@jacob.levich/bil...on-ca3b1d89680
https://www.theguardian.com/global-d...on-gm-monsanto

etc.
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Old 10-20-2019, 03:13 PM
 
16,474 posts, read 18,510,084 times
Reputation: 16341
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
Not to dwell on this but there are a many, many links to rocking and autism.

Rocking is common among people with autism spectrum disorder. A person with a separate developmental disorder who displays habitual rocking can be diagnosed as autistic.

https://www.pasadenavilla.com/2018/0...ental-illness/

Repetitive body movements (e.g. rocking, flapping, spinning, running back and forth)
https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-are-symptoms-autism

Children who are autistic may have repetitive, stereotyped body movements such as rocking, pacing, or hand flapping. https://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/q...body-movements


I apologize for derailing the OP and discussion, but since Gates was mentioned.

Google: Melinda Gates’ “Soft” Eugenics

https://www.americanthinker.com/arti..._eugenics.html
https://www.thinkinghousewife.com/20...melinda-gates/
https://medium.com/@jacob.levich/bil...on-ca3b1d89680
https://www.theguardian.com/global-d...on-gm-monsanto

etc.
But, it is NOT a diagnostic criteria and you don't have to be autistic if you rock.
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Old 10-20-2019, 05:35 PM
 
Location: 60630
12,460 posts, read 18,503,923 times
Reputation: 11978
OP, my 13 year is a loner too. He has one friend in school and they text each other and sometime play video games. But he never goes to his house, or see him on weekends. My son is s little socially awkward and it could be due to his adhd and immaturity. It is getting better though the older he is getting.
But when I ask him about it he seems fine. He says he likes school and and dont feel lonely. So..idk.. its complicated. BUT...I have realized that unless he is worried about it; I cant worry about it for him.

Next year he starts HS and has expressed interest joining JROTC which I heard great things about. I hope it will help him open up more socially.
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Old 10-22-2019, 12:56 PM
 
Location: SoCal, but itching to relocate
522 posts, read 278,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4 View Post
As a lifelong introvert and a shy person, I say leave your son alone and don't try to make him into someone he is not. There is so much societal pressure these days to be outgoing, to make friends and to cultivate an active social life. If you don't, you are looked upon as an outsider, somehow inferior and perhaps not to be trusted.

This attitude is so unfair to those of us whose brains are wired differently. Extroverts get energized by being around other people, but introverts are just the opposite. We find socializing a drain and need alone time to recharge. Some of the most brilliant and creative thinkers in history have been loners. I'd advise you to accept your son exactly as he is. Please don't make him feel like a failure because he doesn't have a million friends.
^^^This - 100%^^^

Your introverted son spends almost all day, almost all week at school with lots of other kids (and teachers, coaches, administrators, etc.). He seems to engage appropriately during the structured times. When he's not there, he needs that alone time (or with one friend at a time) to recharge his batteries.

I'm rather the same way, but it took me until my 40's to understand that about myself, and (whew!) what a relief to know this wasn't something I *should* be "working on".

My husband is super nice and handles himself very well with people. He works at a very large international company and is well-liked and well-respected. He almost never socializes outside of work. His home is his recharging station (and with a wife and two kids in a small house, he is almost never truly "alone"). Our kids are also introverts. One is more social and out-going than the other, but still more of an introvert than not. We all enjoy our solitude when we get it.
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Old 10-26-2019, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Willowbrook, Houston
905 posts, read 744,009 times
Reputation: 1227
This is what irks me about this autism diagnosis. If someone doesn't like change, they're considered autistic. If someone has narrow, extreme interests, they're considered autistic. People have the right to like whatever they please, even if it's considered extreme by others. Live and let live. Truth be told, introverts shouldn't be made to conform to societal pressure to be social, outgoing, whatever. I have no clue what the point of being extroverted is. Are some people that hard up for popularity? They have to be known by others. Extroverts act like they're going to die if people don't notice them. I'm an extrovert around loved ones, but introverted around everyone else because honestly, some people have hidden agendas, so you need the discernment to spot those kinds. Introverts can be social when necessary, but they prefer being alone. Let your son be who he is, and stop trying to make him into someone he's not.
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Old 10-27-2019, 08:59 AM
 
23,712 posts, read 17,948,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AcresHomes44 View Post
This is what irks me about this autism diagnosis. If someone doesn't like change, they're considered autistic. If someone has narrow, extreme interests, they're considered autistic. People have the right to like whatever they please, even if it's considered extreme by others. Live and let live. Truth be told, introverts shouldn't be made to conform to societal pressure to be social, outgoing, whatever. I have no clue what the point of being extroverted is. Are some people that hard up for popularity? They have to be known by others. Extroverts act like they're going to die if people don't notice them. I'm an extrovert around loved ones, but introverted around everyone else because honestly, some people have hidden agendas, so you need the discernment to spot those kinds. Introverts can be social when necessary, but they prefer being alone. Let your son be who he is, and stop trying to make him into someone he's not.
If you actually read the OP you’d see A. Both OP and her husband are also introverts and B. His best and only friend just moved away, resulting in a new type of isolation for the child. OP simply worried about him she never said How can I get him to be more social. It’s not a war.
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Toronto
556 posts, read 133,068 times
Reputation: 592
I've seen in general, over parenting, especially the "Play Date" in recent times has led to the inability for children to naturally make friends.
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Old 10-29-2019, 02:02 PM
 
23,712 posts, read 17,948,640 times
Reputation: 43727
Quote:
Originally Posted by blistex649 View Post
I've seen in general, over parenting, especially the "Play Date" in recent times has led to the inability for children to naturally make friends.
I don’t think that’s the reason. I had a very difficult time making friends in school because I was insecure, and always in my head as a child too. That was in the 60s well before play dates. Probably would’ve had more friends or at least felt less lonely if I had play dates. I can’t imagine why you think arranging for one child to play with another would decrease their social skills that’s ridiculous.
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Old 11-09-2019, 07:11 AM
 
48 posts, read 7,849 times
Reputation: 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by DairyGodmother View Post
So, I'm wondering what any of you know about children who are loners, who isolate themselves. Since he was quite little, he has often had one friend at a time, and his best friend from grade 1 through 4 just moved to another state (crappy luck!). So now here he is, alone in 5th grade. His teacher says in a structured environment he does engage with kids in class, but is alone at recess, preferring to play basketball by himself. We've barely had 'playdates'....a few over the years...

In and of itself it doesn't sound like a problem, his dad and I are both introverts who prefer a couple of friends to a crowd. But at the same time, we both had playground pals and are just worried about this.

Thoughts? is this just more helicoptering over a snowflake or is this preventing front page news in a decade?
You probably yelled at him too much when he was little.
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