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Old 10-25-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,541 posts, read 47,631,897 times
Reputation: 77954

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I would never do anything to discourage a teenager from holding a job and earning some of their own money.


This country is full of young adults who feel that they should be able to sit on their butt all day while someone else does all the work and takes care of their every need. A teen who wants to hold a job should be encouraged. It is a valuable life skill.


Teenagers tend to be azzhats. That's part of trying to raise a teen. With very few exceptions, their life is difficult and they respond by acting difficult.



A sit down discussion and maybe write down a schedule for her to follow. She will handle it better if it is organized.


You can quietly and gently point out that you are adding another chore to your day to drive her back and forth and that you still need her to carry her share of the household chores.
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Old 10-27-2019, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,640 posts, read 11,891,477 times
Reputation: 9885
She should keep the job and you should drive her, unless she truly cannot handle it.

Is she having work issues? Is the overwhelmed with job + school + chores? Helping her identify the issue and having her discuss plans to resolve it are part of the growing up process. Have an ongoing convo with her about her goals.

I can tell you that my youngest son (started working at 14); couldn't keep up with one of his chores. He ended up switching and/or paying his brother to help him out. I don't know the specifics, but they figured it out. He did try to pay me to do the chores (um, no); but I did appreciate and encourage his problem-solving skills.

Alternatively, at one point, one of my sons wanted to buy a car. He was working crazy hours, while doing the school thing, to save up for the car + insurance. The rest of the family chipped in to help him with his chores. We did it to support him and we wanted to send a message that the family works together and picks up the slack sometimes. He definitely appreciated it and we enjoyed helping him.
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Old 10-28-2019, 05:36 AM
 
47 posts, read 19,647 times
Reputation: 78
Well, this weekend didn't go over so well.


I didn't give her a ride to work, I went about my life as normal all weekend, Minus bowing down and catering to her. she didn't go to work either, and is now fired.
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Old 10-28-2019, 05:41 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,693,231 times
Reputation: 98359
Congrats. Great job!

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Old 10-28-2019, 06:37 AM
 
18,495 posts, read 15,479,782 times
Reputation: 16163
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Well, this weekend didn't go over so well.


I didn't give her a ride to work, I went about my life as normal all weekend, Minus bowing down and catering to her. she didn't go to work either, and is now fired.
Wow, ok, is there not a bus that she could have taken? Admittedly our culture does have a problem with "automobile dependency".
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,953,074 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
Wow, ok, is there not a bus that she could have taken? Admittedly our culture does have a problem with "automobile dependency".
Yeah because the bus is such a safe place for a teenager.

Her mom should just suck it up and make sure her kid gets to work on time.

I’m now 30 and I wouldn’t take a bus or walk places because it’s not safe and I’m not about to get assaulted or worse.
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,693,231 times
Reputation: 98359
OP, you don't sound like a parent.

You sound like a roommate who is annoyed with the person you live with. The way you talk about her doesn't makes sense for someone who supposedly has spent 16 years raising a child and (presumably) learning how to do that along the way.
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Old 10-28-2019, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Hellinois
5,820 posts, read 3,840,854 times
Reputation: 8123
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedparent1 View Post
Well, this weekend didn't go over so well.

I didn't give her a ride to work, I went about my life as normal all weekend, Minus bowing down and catering to her. she didn't go to work either, and is now fired.
Parents like YOU are the reason why I got good at navigating my city's transit system as early as age 14, and took buses to work and summer school like it's nobody's business. Also why I fought tooth and nail when my parents first wanted to move to distant suburb: I knew I'd be a prisoner in my own home that way, like your daughter. My parents relented, and moved to a suburb with a somewhat decent transit system. Have fun kicking yourself in 2 years, when your daughter moves away and never comes back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I’m now 30 and I wouldn’t take a bus or walk places because it’s not safe and I’m not about to get assaulted or worse.
We must live in different worlds. I've been walking and taking buses/trains since high school age. Granted, I always stayed north of Roosevelt Road (north of 35th Street today, because gentrification), but I'm still around. In fact, I'd prefer to do that all the time, if I had a choice. But this is 'Murrica! We don't want no stinkin' pedestrians in your streets!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You sound like a roommate who is annoyed with the person you live with. The way you talk about her doesn't makes sense for someone who supposedly has spent 16 years raising a child and (presumably) learning how to do that along the way.
Nope. She's a parent, all right. Just a bad one.
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Old 10-28-2019, 07:51 AM
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
22,645 posts, read 36,609,195 times
Reputation: 19847
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
OP, you don't sound like a parent.

You sound like a roommate who is annoyed with the person you live with. The way you talk about her doesn't makes sense for someone who supposedly has spent 16 years raising a child and (presumably) learning how to do that along the way.
well said.
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Old 10-28-2019, 08:05 AM
 
47 posts, read 19,647 times
Reputation: 78
Sorry for being a bad parent ? What should I do ?

How should I deal with her slamming doors and yelling at me ?

her chores consist of taking out the kitchen trash every 2 days, and putting the dishes in the dishwasher and emptying them ..

Are the chores too much ?
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