U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-09-2019, 04:50 PM
 
2,803 posts, read 2,358,645 times
Reputation: 2899

Advertisements

My brother and his daughter's mom split up when my niece was 2 or 3 and I'm sure it's been hard on her, especially since both her parents have new partners but from what I know and have seen, everybody gives her a lot of love and attention. She's always been shy and wouldn't start speaking until she was 2 and half/3 but it sounds like she has a lot of friends in school and seems like an overall happy kid.

But when it comes to eating, it seems to really upset her. I know kids can get picky but she has said that she doesn't like eating and would rather eat fake foods. She usually cries when we try to get her to eat. My brother made lunch but my niece refused to eat with him and his gf. I got her to eat with me in a separate room but she wanted milk and when we went to the kitchen where my brother and his gf was, my niece got super fussy again and started crying for no reason. She spilled milk all over herself and after she got changed, she went downstairs to play by herself at the door. I asked her why she wouldn't come and play with us and she said she doesn't like anybody. I asked her why and she said nobody likes her. (??!!) I asked her who told her that and she said herself. It worries me that a five year old would be saying something like this. I highly doubt anybody has told her that nobody likes her. Does anybody have any similar experiences?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-09-2019, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
45,589 posts, read 43,853,222 times
Reputation: 88356
Behavior problems often show up as "eating problems" because it's one of the few areas where children feel like they have some say in the matter, a rare area where they can exercise some control.

She's obviously NOT dealing with all the turbulence in her life very well. Poor thing
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2019, 05:36 PM
 
2,803 posts, read 2,358,645 times
Reputation: 2899
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Behavior problems often show up as "eating problems" because it's one of the few areas where children feel like they have some say in the matter, a rare area where they can exercise some control.

She's obviously NOT dealing with all the turbulence in her life very well. Poor thing
Yes, I can tell. She'll play with her toys and name one of her toys after herself and that toy can fly away. I think it's her way of escaping reality. Her parents also don't like each other so I can only imagine it's difficult for her. Even if they don't say anything she can probably sense it. She whines a lot and gets really fussy when my brother is around and he tries to get her to eat but if it's just me and her she'll sit down and happily eat everything. I'm sensing it has something to do with her parents splitting up. What can I do to help her? I seem to be one of the few adults in her life that she seems to enjoy playing with and can trust.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2019, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
45,589 posts, read 43,853,222 times
Reputation: 88356
They need family therapy, obviously. She could grow up with debilitating anxiety and low sense of self-worth.

The best thing you can do is be a stable presence in her life. Don't try to change or fix her. Just be consistent and loving, and let her know what a great kid she is. Sometimes extended family members are like a buffer for kids who are in turmoil.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2019, 07:12 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
80,113 posts, read 73,100,062 times
Reputation: 79077
OP, she may have concluded that "nobody likes her", at least the most important two people in her life, because they got divorced. She may have thought it had something to do with her; she may be blaming herself, which is not uncommon. This child needs a child therapist to help her through this. Are you close enough to either of the parents to bring this up?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2019, 11:35 AM
 
2,803 posts, read 2,358,645 times
Reputation: 2899
That's what I figured she may need. I don't think it's going to be easy to convince either one of her parents but I'll try and find a good moment to bring it up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2019, 12:06 PM
 
4,281 posts, read 3,953,496 times
Reputation: 11761
I'm worried that something bad happened where some adult tried to force her to eat something.

This kid needs therapy, and so do the parents and the parents' partners. But it's probably not going to happen. Be the nicest, kindest, most loving aunt you can be to her. I hope you live close by. Offer to take her often, on your own, for whatever time the parents will allow. Play with her, treat her, love her, let her know that you think she's wonderful, by your words and actions, and do it constantly. Make her laugh. Give her joy. In order to preserve your access to her, flatter the parents. Never let your ex sister in law know you have any concerns, or she might deny you contact during her custody time. Be careful not to push your brother, either, or you may end up with him denying you access. After all, the trauma could be occurring at his house. You never know.
Children who have even ONE caring adult in their lives have better outcomes. Be that adult for her.

Last edited by parentologist; 11-10-2019 at 12:18 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2019, 01:51 PM
 
13,819 posts, read 14,058,959 times
Reputation: 40496
I have severe ADD. I control it very well as an adult, but as a child, I could work myself into all sorts of weird mindsets and beliefs and fears. She needs to see a child psychologist, imo. I am in my 40s with a father born during the Great Depression and a mother who was herself a mental health professional, but terrified getting me a therapist would expose her own flaws. Your niece could have a lot of things going on, but this seems simply to manifest outwardly as extreme anxiety and low self-esteem. As her aunt, I would advocate with your brother for her to get some time with a therapist, but also just be a source of support and love, as parentologist recommends. Take her places. Introduce her to new things. Give her some magical experiences. Be that stable force in her life where she can feel relaxed.

Poor kid. She's lucky to have you, Gum.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2019, 02:00 PM
 
7,455 posts, read 4,108,052 times
Reputation: 15400
Is she chubby or too thin? She started 1st grade, right? I wonder if a bully at school told her she's fat & no one likes her? Just a thought.

Other than that, my first thought was that when she was being picky, someone made a big deal out of her not eating, and insisted on her eating, or eating something in particular she didn't like. I don't have kids, but I've noticed relative's & friends' kids may go through a weird eating thing at around that age or a little younger. Their food can't touch, or they don't want to eat at all, or will only eat one food group, or will suddenly hate something common they used to love, etc. It's a passing phase, it seems.

I remember being that age and having to sit at the table for a looooong time, until I'd eat my beans or whatever. I never would eat them. I didn't like them. Then I figured out how to dump them out of a window when Mom wasn't looking.

I don't know for a fact, but it seems to me that making a big deal out of an eating weirdness at that age is a mistake, unless the child's health is suffering. But what does anyone really know? The poor little girl does sound as if she's having some serious issues because of the things she's said and the toy thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2019, 02:02 PM
 
Location: NJ
11,487 posts, read 21,889,490 times
Reputation: 10056
Quote:
Originally Posted by GummyShark View Post
That's what I figured she may need. I don't think it's going to be easy to convince either one of her parents but I'll try and find a good moment to bring it up.
Maybe she's jealous of dads GF? Was she like this before the GF?

The parents both have to stop bad mouthing because she's probably processed what they've said. My ex did the same with my daughter. I never did that. I had to take him to court for an order for him to stop bad mouthing me. It has to stop now!

Last edited by Roselvr; 11-10-2019 at 02:17 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top