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Old 11-20-2019, 08:38 PM
 
63 posts, read 6,109 times
Reputation: 187

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Well geez OP. How long have you been holding on to that statement by your stepdad? That seems kind of bitter. But everyone says inaccurate/stupid/thoughtless things at one time or another. His comment appears to be one of them. Don't read more into it.
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Old 11-20-2019, 09:36 PM
 
1,385 posts, read 441,634 times
Reputation: 3013
OP, how old are you? How long has your stepfather been in your life?

Is there someone you can talk to? Your mother, aunt or uncle? Someone at school like a guidance counselor?

I understand your need to know how you fit into your family. It's natural. Everyone wants to feel like they are loved and valued. A family member might able to clue you in.
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Old 11-21-2019, 06:06 AM
 
4,654 posts, read 2,006,800 times
Reputation: 9293
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastDallasDude View Post
Whether you like him or not should not depend on one statement. What does he do on a daily basis? Provide for you? Help you when you need? Give U space when need space? Is he a reasonably decent guy? Does he physically abuse you? Does he constantly verbally abuse you? If one comment like that is the worst that's ever happened, you may be overthinking and obsessing. NBD, people, especially young ones do that. Eventually you gain perspective and realize little things are little things. Basically if he's a reasonably decent guy who generally takes care of the family then respect and appreciate him for that. Life is not black and white. You don't have to rate him as father of the year or satan himself. Most humans are in between.

As far as staying in your room, before there was internet families grew up more interactive - one TV everyone hung out in the FAMILY ROOM watching and enjoying (or not) together. It's hard for us older folks to digest how kids barricade themselves up in their rooms these days like they do cuz life wasn't like that for us - so keep that in mind. He may to some extent view millennial cave dwelling as some sort of resentful behavior. I admit I often think similar things about my kids - "after all I do for you - all the work I do and money I spend and as nice as I try to be and all I get is a kid who fears and hates me and hides out in the bedroom?!!" This definitely goes through my head - but I myself step back and rethink that - "who am I to judge? I wasn't a perfect teen either. Made my mistakes - different ones, but mistakes just the same - had my struggles - who am I to judge?"

My suggestion. Do a few little things to show a lil love and reach out a little to see the reaction. It's a nice little test you can do on people. Do something nice, see if u get a positive reaction. Do it twice. Three times over the course of time. See what happens. It will help you go in the right direction.
The OP hasn’t told us how old he is. Teens have been hanging out in their rooms for decades. I didn’t really have the internet (we had the 10-hour a month AOL starting in 10th grade, which hardly allowed everyone in the family to sit on the computer for hours a day!), but I sure hung out in my room watching my TV with its 7 channels, reading, or playing video games.
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:07 AM
 
74 posts, read 45,258 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
You should not ignore him or not like him for one statement from the past. Let it go.
I believe sometimes you do have to judge someone based on one statement. For example if I mom said she didn't love me, I may never want to see her ever again. Some statements do carry alot of weight. I don't know how to take his statement but it seems more offensive than non offensive, or maybe I'm being too sensitive. It's not that I do or don't like him. Currently I'm indifferent.
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:18 AM
 
74 posts, read 45,258 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastDallasDude View Post
Whether you like him or not should not depend on one statement. What does he do on a daily basis? Provide for you? Help you when you need? Give U space when need space? Is he a reasonably decent guy? Does he physically abuse you? Does he constantly verbally abuse you? If one comment like that is the worst that's ever happened, you may be overthinking and obsessing. NBD, people, especially young ones do that. Eventually you gain perspective and realize little things are little things. Basically if he's a reasonably decent guy who generally takes care of the family then respect and appreciate him for that. Life is not black and white. You don't have to rate him as father of the year or satan himself. Most humans are in between.

As far as staying in your room, before there was internet families grew up more interactive - one TV everyone hung out in the FAMILY ROOM watching and enjoying (or not) together. It's hard for us older folks to digest how kids barricade themselves up in their rooms these days like they do cuz life wasn't like that for us - so keep that in mind. He may to some extent view millennial cave dwelling as some sort of resentful behavior. I admit I often think similar things about my kids - "after all I do for you - all the work I do and money I spend and as nice as I try to be and all I get is a kid who fears and hates me and hides out in the bedroom?!!" This definitely goes through my head - but I myself step back and rethink that - "who am I to judge? I wasn't a perfect teen either. Made my mistakes - different ones, but mistakes just the same - had my struggles - who am I to judge?"

My suggestion. Do a few little things to show a lil love and reach out a little to see the reaction. It's a nice little test you can do on people. Do something nice, see if u get a positive reaction. Do it twice. Three times over the course of time. See what happens. It will help you go in the right direction.
Overall I can't complain. He's distant and quiet, never showed love like hugs nor verbal affection. But he did always provide and never was abusive or anything bad, not the ideal or best dad. My mom doesn't have any complaints about him maybe a few but I guess no one is perfect. My mom said she married him because he's a nice guy.

He might see that me staying in my room means in bitter. It definitely is something he rarely ever did. He many siblings and started working at a young age. He didn't finish school,he didn't have an easy life. He worked outside all his life manual work. He's also said I'm a mommas boy. His life was opposite to mine. He's about 45 years old.
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:28 AM
 
74 posts, read 45,258 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaTwo View Post
Why are you thinking about this now when it was long ago? Did something happen recently that triggered this memory?
Nothing happened it's just something I sometimes think about. I try not to be bitter about it. Yes it was long about 10 years ago. Might be a bit harsh to judge him. I have a cousin and when we were little I think she was 14 we bet a dollar and I won and she didn't give me my dollar the first time she didn't want to then I asked again and she did give it to me ever since then I can't see her in a completely good light. I can't look at her as someone that I want be around even though she's never done me wrong or disrespected in any other way besides that instance.
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:38 AM
 
1,141 posts, read 409,074 times
Reputation: 3454
Quote:
Originally Posted by yologuy01 View Post
Nothing happened it's just something I sometimes think about. I try not to be bitter about it. Yes it was long about 10 years ago. Might be a bit harsh to judge him. I have a cousin and when we were little I think she was 14 we bet a dollar and I won and she didn't give me my dollar the first time she didn't want to then I asked again and she did give it to me ever since then I can't see her in a completely good light. I can't look at her as someone that I want be around even though she's never done me wrong or disrespected in any other way besides that instance.
Whoa, dude. Holding a grudge against your 14yo cousin over a dollar YEARS ago?!?! You definitely could benefit from therapy.
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:39 AM
 
74 posts, read 45,258 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
The OP hasn’t told us how old he is. Teens have been hanging out in their rooms for decades. I didn’t really have the internet (we had the 10-hour a month AOL starting in 10th grade, which hardly allowed everyone in the family to sit on the computer for hours a day!), but I sure hung out in my room watching my TV with its 7 channels, reading, or playing video games.
I'm 28
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Old 11-21-2019, 10:46 AM
 
74 posts, read 45,258 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Whoa, dude. Holding a grudge against your 14yo cousin over a dollar YEARS ago?!?! You definitely could benefit from therapy.
It's not a grudge I guess it depends what exactly you mean by grudge. I don't dislike her but I don't know if I can like her like I like other family members that never did anything bad to me. I don't take disrespect lightly, for example some people will continue to be with their partner that cheated but I could never. There's other examples where people forgive forget or give the person another chance but I wouldn't if I was in their shoes.
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Old 11-21-2019, 12:58 PM
 
12,135 posts, read 4,865,872 times
Reputation: 29678
Based on the dollar story, I'd say you come off as very bitter, yolo. I can't imagine having ongoing relationships where those tiny slights don't occur all the time.

So a long time ago, your stepdad mentioned you are bitter, and your cousin didn't pay up on a dollar bet.

What else ya got?
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