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Old 11-29-2019, 04:08 PM
 
14,023 posts, read 7,199,888 times
Reputation: 13609

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
My cousins 13 year old son is out of control. Steals, drugs, abusive with his words, had to be put in a special Ed school. She can’t afford a live in facility and can’t deal with him everyday so her and her husband (not his dad) were thinking of giving him to the state. Wouldn’t they be giving up?
What exactly does giving him to the state mean?
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Old 11-29-2019, 04:33 PM
 
16,395 posts, read 18,399,864 times
Reputation: 16250
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
What exactly does giving him to the state mean?
https://www.americanadoptions.com/pr...ld-up-to-state

I suspect #2 is what is being talked about.

Quote:
In most foster care cases, a state agency has determined a child is unsafe in parent’s home, and the child is removed involuntarily. On the other hand, a refusal to assume parental responsibility (RAPR) is a voluntary relinquishment of a child into state custody. Often, this occurs because a parent decides they cannot provide the safe, supportive environment their child needs.

These are usually complicated situations for both the surrendering parent and state authorities. A court will not allow you to sign over your parental rights in a RAPR, but they often cannot order you to take care of a child that you don’t feel you can keep safe. In this case, your situation will proceed as any other Child Protective Services case. It will often be presented before a judge, and the state will, in essence, sue for the custody of your children. You cannot just “give” your child up to the state; it must first be ruled that this choice is in the best interest of everyone involved.

This is not an option in every state. In some cases, you will retain parental rights while your child is placed in a conservatorship or a specialized home for any additional services they may need.
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Old 11-29-2019, 04:36 PM
 
Location: equator
4,342 posts, read 1,868,015 times
Reputation: 10941
Are there still military boarding schools? Or are they too expensive...
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Old 11-29-2019, 04:56 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
6,015 posts, read 2,653,911 times
Reputation: 19001
I would die before I surrendered my kid to the state.

Nobody will ever love my humongous, autistic, sometimes physically violent son the way I do. To them, he would just be a 6 foot 5 inch, severely autistic & physically abusive male. If they were to assume care; that is all he would ever be.

To me; he is a funny, quirky, artistic boy with a profound inner spirituality who can sing with the voice of an angel. If I keep on doing & caring & researching I will be sure to make sure, that is not who he will only ever be.

He didn't ask for this any more than I did but it is my responsibility to make sure he has every opportunity to have a happy & healthy life.
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Old 11-29-2019, 08:14 PM
 
14,023 posts, read 7,199,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
https://www.americanadoptions.com/pr...ld-up-to-state

I suspect #2 is what is being talked about.
Eeek. Foster care system is horrible.
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Old 11-29-2019, 08:17 PM
 
14,023 posts, read 7,199,888 times
Reputation: 13609
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
My cousins 13 year old son is out of control. Steals, drugs, abusive with his words, had to be put in a special Ed school. She can’t afford a live in facility and can’t deal with him everyday so her and her husband (not his dad) were thinking of giving him to the state. Wouldn’t they be giving up?
There are rehab programs. Giving to the state is a terrible idea.
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Old 11-29-2019, 09:52 PM
 
4,336 posts, read 3,985,759 times
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Well-off parents in the know will get kids like this into a good psych residential program. The health insurance pays some. The school district pays some. The state (DCF) pays some, without the parents giving up custody. The goal is to get the kid through the worst of the testosterone-poisoned years, without the kid winding up dead or in prison.

Poor parents or parents who refuse to face what is going on, wind up with the kid dead or in prison.

Parents should speak with other parents in their state who have gone through this already. They will have a wealth of advice for them. They should first get the kid right away into an inpatient drug rehab program if he is using drugs. Get a psych evaluation - a diagnosis will help with getting him into a long term residential program. Talk with the school district. Call every residential teen psych program in the state, and in adjacent states. They'll know how to advise the family on getting insurance, school district, and DCF to cover the cost of long term residential psych hospital.
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:45 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,700 posts, read 3,487,928 times
Reputation: 14843
Sounds like the kid needs rehab and a shrink, and your cousins need a slap upside the head.
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Old 11-30-2019, 07:52 AM
 
Location: NJ
11,650 posts, read 21,977,771 times
Reputation: 10340
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
My cousins 13 year old son is out of control. Steals, drugs, abusive with his words, had to be put in a special Ed school. She can’t afford a live in facility and can’t deal with him everyday so her and her husband (not his dad) were thinking of giving him to the state. Wouldn’t they be giving up?
How did he get this way at 13? I can guarantee it was the mother not being a mother.

Surrendering him to the state for foster care is a weak move. She needs parenting classes at the minimum. She could be forced to pay child support. She also could have her other kids removed when they go to court to relinquish custody. There is a lot that can happen to her and other kids.

She should take the advice that was given. Are you just venting or do you plan to pass on advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
She needs to seek help from social services. A social worker can help her find a program that she can afford.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie Joseph View Post
^^^ Absolutely have them do this; excellent advice.

One of my friends had a child who had serious behavioral issues despite counseling, special schooling and other interventions. She and her husband were at the end of their ropes and couldn't afford a program in the state which provided live-in intervention.

They engaged a social worker who WAS able to locate a full-time program for their child and it was free/sliding scale based on income. My friend was able to enroll her child and it was very helpful; the child is now a well-adjusted 24-year-old who is finishing a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
Eeek. Foster care system is horrible.
Unless you're a foster parent bringing home the few thousand a month for each kid. My grand daughters father has 2 foster kids. He actually was able to not even work for a few months due to the great pay.
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Old 11-30-2019, 08:02 AM
 
2,229 posts, read 1,262,828 times
Reputation: 2422
Death first.

This is a reprehensible parenting move. I will never support something like this, under any circumstances.
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