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Old 11-30-2019, 08:38 AM
 
18,761 posts, read 24,159,328 times
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a neighbor had a similar "troubled" kid but no one really intervened.....the mother didn't want to give the kid up.....he was a bully to other kids.....looked like his mother set no boundries…..

it took this kid...or finding out he set a cat on fire til the mother did anything about the kid.... and if the charred cat wasn't found who knows...

tough situation......but some kids have no empathy....and they push all boundaries just for a response...

every situation is different....but get professional help...some parents wont seek pro help......because they think they may lose the kid..

I once dated a lady with a adhd...slightly autistic child...looked like he just needed a little discipline to me....but that wasn't the case..he had spark plugs firing in his brain and couldn't control himself...he had to be medicated.... that kid was bullying my kid and laughing about it ..he was older ….
he had no empathy ...and in fact almost liked pain and tested defiance ….was motivated by it
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Old 11-30-2019, 09:28 AM
 
3,115 posts, read 3,124,292 times
Reputation: 3721
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee View Post
According to google it stands for National Guard Youth Challenge Program. It's a program for at risk kids. I don't know anything about it but it sounds like a good thing. Some kids need that structured environment.


But, Personally, I think the OP's cousins child s issues are related more to drug abuse and the parents should seek out help for that while he's still underage and they're still calling the shots.
The NGYCP saved our son who was on the path to destruction. He went straight from juvenile detention into the 5-month program where he got his GED right away and took 4 college classes. It was that or go to the juvenile training school. Things weren't completely rosy when he got out, but at least he got his diploma. It took a trip to the adult detention center where he spent Thanksgiving and Christmas to get it through his head that he needed to make better decisions. He now has a good job and is trying to get ahead.

As a side note, both my sister and my father also had to be sent away to get their attention. It's almost like a family tradition.
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Old 11-30-2019, 09:46 AM
 
1,590 posts, read 454,637 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
How did he get this way at 13? I can guarantee it was the mother not being a mother.
What about his father?
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Old 11-30-2019, 10:36 AM
 
2,032 posts, read 765,045 times
Reputation: 3727
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
How did he get this way at 13? I can guarantee it was the mother not being a mother.
Not necessarily true. My ex-BIL/SIL have two sons and the older one was a problem exactly like the OP described, pretty much from the age of 8. By age 12 he was already sneaking alcohol and drugs, a major behavior problem at school and h ome, and attempted suicide at 13. My SIL was a devoted stay at home mom and came from a large and supportive family. BIL was a longterm government agency employee. Both about 30 years old when the older one was born, so not "kids" and while not rich, certainly not poor. It was your typical white collar middle class suburban household in a white picket fence/good school district community. The younger son was born two years later and has never been a problem in any way.

SIL tried everything she could (within legal limits) to get the older one help but to no avail. He dropped out of school at age 16 and at 18 all bets were off. He's almost 40 now with a long history of drug/alcohol use, extremism and a few stints in jail. In his early 30s he moved to another state and after that would only see his family once or twice a year on holidays but a few years ago told them that he wanted nothing to do with them anymore and walked out of his mother's 70th birthday party after calling her and all the other relatives "stupid useless (*&^#! fools", leaving her in tears. This is a woman who had spent the past 30 years expending blood, sweat and tears on him to somehow help him, to no avail.

IMHO these things have a lot to do with genetics. The older (problem) son resembles my BIL's older brother both physically and personalitywise. Both of them with serious anger management problems, a hairtrigger temper, and addictive tendencies (smoking, alcohol, drugs.) But here's the thing: The uncle never spent any time with the problem son at all. He always lived in another state and MAYBE saw the family once a year sometimes at Christmas, not even every year. I don't think he was ever in the same room with the problem kid more than a half dozen times in the problem kid's entire life, and probably never exchanged more than a few words with him, yet the problem kid turned out to be a mini-me of the messed-up uncle in almost every single way. Truth be told, the problem kid turned out even worse.

The younger son resembles my SIL's family physically and in temperament. Reliable, responsible, even-tempered, devoted to family. Two brothers, two years apart, same upbringing but who couldn't have been more different.

So no, it's NOT always somehow the mother's fault.
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Old 11-30-2019, 11:34 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
23,608 posts, read 30,261,963 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
Are there still military boarding schools? Or are they too expensive...

A full time, private, residential school would be very expensive. Plus, while they take undisciplined kids, they will not take truly psychotic or dangerous kids.


That's not the place to deal with mental illness.
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Old 12-01-2019, 04:28 AM
 
Location: NJ
11,650 posts, read 21,977,771 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
Not necessarily true. My ex-BIL/SIL have two sons and the older one was a problem exactly like the OP described, pretty much from the age of 8. By age 12 he was already sneaking alcohol and drugs, a major behavior problem at school and h ome, and attempted suicide at 13. My SIL was a devoted stay at home mom and came from a large and supportive family. BIL was a longterm government agency employee. Both about 30 years old when the older one was born, so not "kids" and while not rich, certainly not poor. It was your typical white collar middle class suburban household in a white picket fence/good school district community. The younger son was born two years later and has never been a problem in any way.

SIL tried everything she could (within legal limits) to get the older one help but to no avail. He dropped out of school at age 16 and at 18 all bets were off. He's almost 40 now with a long history of drug/alcohol use, extremism and a few stints in jail. In his early 30s he moved to another state and after that would only see his family once or twice a year on holidays but a few years ago told them that he wanted nothing to do with them anymore and walked out of his mother's 70th birthday party after calling her and all the other relatives "stupid useless (*&^#! fools", leaving her in tears. This is a woman who had spent the past 30 years expending blood, sweat and tears on him to somehow help him, to no avail.

IMHO these things have a lot to do with genetics. The older (problem) son resembles my BIL's older brother both physically and personalitywise. Both of them with serious anger management problems, a hairtrigger temper, and addictive tendencies (smoking, alcohol, drugs.) But here's the thing: The uncle never spent any time with the problem son at all. He always lived in another state and MAYBE saw the family once a year sometimes at Christmas, not even every year. I don't think he was ever in the same room with the problem kid more than a half dozen times in the problem kid's entire life, and probably never exchanged more than a few words with him, yet the problem kid turned out to be a mini-me of the messed-up uncle in almost every single way. Truth be told, the problem kid turned out even worse.

The younger son resembles my SIL's family physically and in temperament. Reliable, responsible, even-tempered, devoted to family. Two brothers, two years apart, same upbringing but who couldn't have been more different.

So no, it's NOT always somehow the mother's fault.
You're right, genetics can play a part too if 2 kids are raised exactly the same. I have 2 kids that are night and day. I have one that can not handle one bit of stress, can have an explosive temper, and is a loud mouth who won't think twice about telling someone how they feel about what the person said, just like my sister in law. She also suffers depression like her grandmother.

In the case of the OP, it sounds like there is one kid, the parents probably didn't punish the kid and now that they have a mess on their hands, want to just step aside.
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Old 12-01-2019, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,642 posts, read 5,402,314 times
Reputation: 24030
Quote:
Originally Posted by BBCjunkie View Post
Not necessarily true. My ex-BIL/SIL have two sons and the older one was a problem exactly like the OP described, pretty much from the age of 8. By age 12 he was already sneaking alcohol and drugs, a major behavior problem at school and h ome, and attempted suicide at 13. My SIL was a devoted stay at home mom and came from a large and supportive family. BIL was a longterm government agency employee. Both about 30 years old when the older one was born, so not "kids" and while not rich, certainly not poor. It was your typical white collar middle class suburban household in a white picket fence/good school district community. The younger son was born two years later and has never been a problem in any way.

SIL tried everything she could (within legal limits) to get the older one help but to no avail. He dropped out of school at age 16 and at 18 all bets were off. He's almost 40 now with a long history of drug/alcohol use, extremism and a few stints in jail. In his early 30s he moved to another state and after that would only see his family once or twice a year on holidays but a few years ago told them that he wanted nothing to do with them anymore and walked out of his mother's 70th birthday party after calling her and all the other relatives "stupid useless (*&^#! fools", leaving her in tears. This is a woman who had spent the past 30 years expending blood, sweat and tears on him to somehow help him, to no avail.

IMHO these things have a lot to do with genetics. The older (problem) son resembles my BIL's older brother both physically and personalitywise. Both of them with serious anger management problems, a hairtrigger temper, and addictive tendencies (smoking, alcohol, drugs.) But here's the thing: The uncle never spent any time with the problem son at all. He always lived in another state and MAYBE saw the family once a year sometimes at Christmas, not even every year. I don't think he was ever in the same room with the problem kid more than a half dozen times in the problem kid's entire life, and probably never exchanged more than a few words with him, yet the problem kid turned out to be a mini-me of the messed-up uncle in almost every single way. Truth be told, the problem kid turned out even worse.

The younger son resembles my SIL's family physically and in temperament. Reliable, responsible, even-tempered, devoted to family. Two brothers, two years apart, same upbringing but who couldn't have been more different.

So no, it's NOT always somehow the mother's fault.
So true - my oldest, now 34, has never caused us a moment's grief and well, the younger one, 32, has done nothing but since about 12 years old.
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Old 12-01-2019, 11:42 AM
 
13,996 posts, read 7,199,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
How did he get this way at 13? I can guarantee it was the mother not being a mother.
I knew someone who was stealing cars and selling crack at that age. I asked about his childhood and he said it was really good. Born that way I guess.
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Old 12-01-2019, 12:36 PM
 
12,369 posts, read 4,944,895 times
Reputation: 30257
I would be much more comfortable with this situation if this were a single mom worried about the effect of the boy on younger siblings.

Lots of stepdads wish they could give away the male children of their new wife.
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Old 12-01-2019, 06:19 PM
 
Location: West Coast
129 posts, read 28,434 times
Reputation: 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
How did he get this way at 13? I can guarantee it was the mother not being a mother.
My mother-in-law raised three kids on her own after her husband died. The oldest one started fires and had some other rather odd behaviors. Having known her, I can guarantee it wasn't her fault that he was like that, but it didn't seem to make any difference to some people that the other two children were just fine. They felt that his acting out was proof that she was doing something wrong. That's how it was those days, and apparently some people still think that way.
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