If you couldn’t control your child would you give him to the state?

[silibran]

I do think he needs a pych eval. Sometimes kids do drugs or drink (if he is doing this) as a form of self medication for conditions like bipolar. With a diagnosis, if that is involved, he could be medicated and possibly have a better chance at a productive life.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by Summer'sBreeze

My mother-in-law raised three kids on her own after her husband died. The oldest one started fires and had some other rather odd behaviors. Having known her, I can guarantee it wasn't her fault that he was like that, but it didn't seem to make any difference to some people that the other two children were just fine. They felt that his acting out was proof that she was doing something wrong. That's how it was those days, and apparently some people still think that way.

The OP said the kid is 13, steals, does drugs and is abusive with words. I'd like to know where the 13 year old is getting money for drugs.

I've already said there are kids raised the same who are out of control. I was a wild child according to my dad, drinking at 13 but I wasn't parented like my siblings. My parents could care less what I did.

[Aredhel]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

The OP said the kid is 13, steals, does drugs and is abusive with words. I'd like to know where the 13 year old is getting money for drugs.

No doubt he gets it from stealing. Addicts stealing in order to fund their drug habit is the norm, not the exception.

[BBCjunkie]

Originally Posted by silibran

I do think he needs a pych eval. Sometimes kids do drugs or drink (if he is doing this) as a form of self medication for conditions like bipolar. With a diagnosis, if that is involved, he could be medicated and possibly have a better chance at a productive life.

My SIL/BIL had a psych eval on the older boy; he was deemed "extremely bright but needs to have his behavior redirected into more positive channels." It was suggested that he wasn't being "intellectually challenged" in school and so they were able to get him into a couple of college classes in computing instead of going to high school a couple days a week (he was a freshman at the time.) He took advantage of that to learn all he could about coding etc, talked his parents into setting up a server, computers, etc etc in a spare bedroom while this was going on, and then (unbeknownst to them) set himself up in a tidy little business hacking into other computers for "customers" on a cash basis. Which came in handy for his drug buying habit.

Before he entered into that little enterprise, he got money by stealing. Neighbors were constantly complaining about things going missing from their yards etc but nobody ever caught him at it. He'd also sell some of the various drugs (prescription and otherwise) that he bought.

[Aredhel]

^^^Sounds like that kid was a sociopath. And unfortunately that's not a curable condition.

As for the kid discussed by the OP, I second the suggestions for a psych evaluation and inpatient drug rehab (which will probably mean getting a social worker involved). I feel for the parents; they are in a tough spot. There's no guarantee that any approach they try will work, but of course they have to do what they feel is right for their son.

[jencam]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

The OP said the kid is 13, steals, does drugs and is abusive with words. I'd like to know where the 13 year old is getting money for drugs.

I've already said there are kids raised the same who are out of control. I was a wild child according to my dad, drinking at 13 but I wasn't parented like my siblings. My parents could care less what I did.

From stealing! OR he deals a little.

[ncole1]

Originally Posted by Adriank7

My cousins 13 year old son is out of control. Steals, drugs, abusive with his words, had to be put in a special Ed school. She can’t afford a live in facility and can’t deal with him everyday so her and her husband (not his dad) were thinking of giving him to the state. Wouldn’t they be giving up?

I think it is a drug addiction problem and the other issues are a result of the drug problem. The individual needs treatment. Ideally he will go voluntarily and not have to be forced, but there is no guarantee.

[JrzDefector]

I had a relative like this. He grew up with nothing and his parents were pretty neglectful and even sometimes abusive. He was angry and hopeless for a long time, but he found a job and learned some skills. He dated a woman from a much more functional family and learned how to communicate. He's drug-free and a successful business and family man today. And the state didn't have to take possession of him or anything drastic like that. Unless the kid is an actual danger to other family members, giving him up is kind of a cop out imo.

[foxyknoxy]

Yes