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And that's what I'm complaining about, Sassy. At 18, I don't feel that my politics were informed and sensible compared to 25, or later, and they weren't any more so at 18 than they were at 17.
My oldest is 19. He's never been "on his own" and despite efforts to teach him, has ignored many lessons on various life skills. It scared me, thinking how helpless he was in so many ways. He is only technically an adult. I had to sit next to him and watch him fill out paperwork for Job Corps, and I was resisting the urge to grab it and do it for him so hard my hands were twitching. Oh, I know, as his parent, it was my job, my job, my job, to make sure he knew everything he needed to know by 18, so he could step right out into the flow of adult traffic like merging smoothly onto the highway of life. Psh. I would love to know, where are the parents in this forum who have sent grown kids into the world, and did you do it feeling that they were totally competent adults, who totally have "got this" and are ready to shoulder the burdens of life? You weren't obsessing over whether the kid knows how to write a check or address an envelope, even though in the day of debit cards and email he might not have to?
Yeah, I know kids can join the military at 18. I was a military spouse and got to hear my ex complain about the enlisted soldiers he had responsibility for. They are KIDS.
My point is, what basis, exactly, biologically, does anyone have, any governing or rule-making body have, to say that 18, exactly 18, not 17 and not 19, but 18. 20 is right out! ...is the exact right time to flip that switch, to toss that teenager like a holy hand-grenade into the world?
There is more difference between a 20 year old and a 27 year old, but no one cares if they're dating. The difference that cost me half my life to a narcissist, was me at 18 and him at 29, and that was fine. But like 16-17 and 19-20? Oh, shocking. Sorry, I think that a 16 year old is more like an 18 year old, than an 18 year old is like a 29 year old.
It actually ISN’T complicated. Anyone with any reasoning ability at all knows what a legal nightmare it would be to try to gauge in every situation where “old enough” fell if there were no cutoff. Even with one there are arguments and red tape, there are legal adults who have delays, etc. Throw away an official age of majority and my God. Bigger mess than any of us can imagine, I’m sure.
And of course most 18-year-olds do not have it all together. It is not the expectation of legal adults to know how to do it all correctly he first time. It never has been. Rather, the expectation is that they discover how to do it all - or most of it - without committing crimes along the way.
Your son is not “a kid.” And nobody automatically knows how to fill out legal paperwork of every type. Not even if their first time filling out the exact specific application is 30, 40, 70.
JerZ, is this,what you meant about the bragging and weren't-we-cool attitude about early teen sex by some adults? I must admit it sounds extra strange coming from someone who works with vulnerable children.
Again, I was 14. Young and naive! There was no Megan's Law in those days...it was the '70s, before all the political correctness!
If I recall correctly she was 15 and he was 18. I do think statutory rape laws are important, I do believe that there should be a little bit of leniency when dealing with students that can feasibly attend the same school. And judges should use jail sparingly for teens, particularly in statutory rape cases with out extenuating circumstances. We all know that suck laws are not enforced equally.
Also back then, this was pretty new territory. His parents would have warned him if they knew it was a thing to be concerned with. Now I think kids and parents are a lot more clear on these laws.
I think there already is though, isn't there? I don't know the technicalities but I believe today, sentences are different when both are teens, close in age? Somebody confirm or correct that?
The law isn't totally ignorant of human nature. It just puts dividing lines up to keep things from becoming a completely chaotic litigation party across the nation with people deciding what "old enough" was for every single complaint, hearing hours of grinding testimony about how girl such and such has been babysitting since she was 12 and understands what a condom is, or that Boy Y is 23 but has been sheltered, or that Girl Z may only be 15 but she takes care of her grandmother and has a clear.college plan on place.....etc., etc., etc.
Again, I was 14. Young and naive! There was no Megan's Law in those days...it was the '70s, before all the political correctness!
So these laws are silly, then?
If she had gotten pregnant, could she have taken you to court to garnish your future wages? Would you have been ready for that, at 14? Glad to take that on?
At 14 did you even have the maturity to think of such things before deciding to have sex? Which is the point, really.
Or would you have hidden behind your mama's back sobbing, "You CAN'T make me do that, I'm not even a legal adult"?
Somebody said you work with children...when a 14-year-old girl confesses she has been getting it from the cool older boys, do you clap her on the back and laugh, "Atta girl! Keep going. You'll be bragging about this some day...ignore those stupid PC laws"? Honest question.
Girls at that age are always attracted to slightly older guys. For many factors but 16 to 19 certainly shouldn’t be a crime if consensual.
It isn't, in every state. In states where it is, he can keep it tucked away until her birthday. If not, he can feel free to take his chances. That will be his choice of risk, being a legal adult.
If she had gotten pregnant, could she have taken you to court to garnish your future wages? Would you have been ready for that, at 14? Glad to take that on?
At 14 did you even have the maturity to think of such things before deciding to have sex? Which is the point, really.
Or would you have hidden behind your mama's back sobbing, "You CAN'T make me do that, I'm not even a legal adult"?
Somebody said you work with children...when a 14-year-old girl confesses she has been getting it from the cool older boys, do you clap her on the back and laugh, "Atta girl! Keep going. You'll be bragging about this some day...ignore those stupid PC laws"? Honest question.
Hey look, let me tell you something. First of all, and this may be TMI, but even back then I knew to use protection. Neither of us at that age wanted to be teenage parents - I saw a lot of teenage pregnancies and knew the precautions, OK?
Secondly, at that age I had no idea what my career objective was - wait, I initially wanted to be an architect, but given my below-average Math grades at the time (and I barely passed Calculus later), that went out the window. My point being, I had no inkling that in later years I'd become a CPS worker!
Third, at 14 years old, a young person's hormones are raging. Given puberty and body maturation, at that age the average boy is beginning to notice girls. Vice versa with girls to boys. Now, once again, in your later years you may recall the adolescent things. You're going at this as if I'd robbed a bank. Do I regret what happened when I was that age? Honestly, yes and no. But I darn sure won't encourage any young person to do what I did in my day - I will strongly advise against it. It was four decades ago, and I think that in such time I've gained some wisdom.
But I darn sure won't encourage any young person to do what I did in my day - I will strongly advise against it. It was four decades ago, and I think that in such time I've gained some wisdom.
Oh, I see. Well, this runs directly contrary to your chuckling and sarcasm about Megan's law and how things weren't "PC" (snark-snark) then and on noes, would you have gone to jail? So I'm not sure in this case why the sarcasm was necessary at all. Weird.
Oh, I see. Well, this runs directly contrary to your chuckling and sarcasm about Megan's law and how things weren't "PC" (snark-snark) then and on noes, would you have gone to jail? So I'm not sure in this case why the sarcasm was necessary at all. Weird.
Little doubt I would have gone to jail back then. But I also didn't realize that underage sex was illegal, and I'm not saying that as a defense. What I am saying is that I'd seen many a teenage girl with baby bumps. Of course nowadays the law imposes harsh penalties.
If I recall correctly she was 15 and he was 18. I do think statutory rape laws are important, I do believe that there should be a little bit of leniency when dealing with students that can feasibly attend the same school. And judges should use jail sparingly for teens, particularly in statutory rape cases with out extenuating circumstances. We all know that suck laws are not enforced equally.
Also back then, this was pretty new territory. His parents would have warned him if they knew it was a thing to be concerned with. Now I think kids and parents are a lot more clear on these laws.
Why should 'attend the same school' have any relevancy at all? You're saying it should be perfectly legal if an 18-year-old from Central High has sex with a 15-year-old from Central High, but it should be rape if he has sex with a 15-year-old from East High? That makes zero sense.
At any rate, there is more than 'a little bit of leniency' in statutory rape laws. They invariably have close-in-age exceptions. But someone always thinks there should be a larger exception. But the line has to fall somewhere. We agree on that, right? If you don't draw a line, then there is no statutory rape.
It's unfortunate when an 18-year-old gets tagged as a pedophile from having sex with a 15-year-old. The solution? Don't have sex with 15-year-olds if you're an adult! It's really not that hard.
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Anyone with any reasoning ability at all knows what a legal nightmare it would be to try to gauge in every situation where “old enough” fell if there were no cutoff. Even with one there are arguments and red tape, there are legal adults who have delays, etc. Throw away an official age of majority and my God. Bigger mess than any of us can imagine, I’m sure.
