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Thank you for reading, My husband and I are young parents with a 4year old. Our son has always been energetic and curious. he has attended two other daycare before his current one which is the same daycare I work at. He has always been a hand full with not listening, anger, yelling, hitting friends and teachers.he had some awesome teachers who have done their best and help him deal with is impulses. He been back at day for about a Month now and his behaviour has not changed. I was told to take him home early today because he was hitting his, teachers and even hit the director when she tried to help. Usually we sent him to his room, no toys, no tv shows. I am soo embarrassed by his behaviour because I work there and i cant stand see other teacher's faces when he misbehave. I hate the fact that I have to go to work with the next day after being sent him for bad behaviour. We have talk to him many many times about not hitting, he has a little sister at home that he get angry at but is able to control himself from hitting and I dont understand why he does not do that at daycare. I am ashamed because I feel like no body likes him and it break my heart because he is so sweet and does not show many of these behaviours at home. I am in the process of moving him to a new daycare in september because am hoping a new environment with less children might help.Please any advice on how to help understand that hitting is never okay and to use his words. I am losing sleep over it.
Thank you for reading, My husband and I are young parents with a 4year old. Our son has always been energetic and curious. he has attended two other daycare before his current one which is the same daycare I work at. He has always been a hand full with not listening, anger, yelling, hitting friends and teachers.he had some awesome teachers who have done their best and help him deal with is impulses. He been back at day for about a Month now and his behaviour has not changed. I was told to take him home early today because he was hitting his, teachers and even hit the director when she tried to help. Usually we sent him to his room, no toys, no tv shows. I am soo embarrassed by his behaviour because I work there and i cant stand see other teacher's faces when he misbehave. I hate the fact that I have to go to work with the next day after being sent him for bad behaviour. We have talk to him many many times about not hitting, he has a little sister at home that he get angry at but is able to control himself from hitting and I dont understand why he does not do that at daycare. I am ashamed because I feel like no body likes him and it break my heart because he is so sweet and does not show many of these behaviours at home. I am in the process of moving him to a new daycare in september because am hoping a new environment with less children might help.Please any advice on how to help understand that hitting is never okay and to use his words. I am losing sleep over it.
What has your pediatrician said about his behavior?
What techniques were you taught to use as part of your job at the day care??
He's 4 talking to him later won't help. It has to happen immediately because delayed consequences have no meaning to a 4 year old. He probably needs a visual support explaining the rules and a reward system for following them.
Are you in the US? If so you need to contact your local school and ask to have him evaluated for services. It sounds like there may be an issue with overstimulation which is why he can control himself at home but not in a more chaotic environment such as school.
Since they know this is his behavior, they need to start with having someone to shadow him and stop the hitting before he does it.
The shadow should:
Be there to handle it.
Understand the behavior.
React immediately. "When you see that little hand about to go up -- try to stop it before it comes down"
Note the environment (and reasons) for the hitting.
Teach sharing, but understand that toddlers think that all toys are *mine.*
Praise good behavior very specifically. When your child uses his words and asks for what he wants -- praise him passionately.
Teach empathy. Help him to make the child he is angry at feel better (ask him what he thinks he should do to accomplish that).
He's 4 talking to him later won't help. It has to happen immediately because delayed consequences have no meaning to a 4 year old. He probably needs a visual support explaining the rules and a reward system for following them.
Are you in the US? If so you need to contact your local school and ask to have him evaluated for services. It sounds like there may be an issue with overstimulation which is why he can control himself at home but not in a more chaotic environment such as school.
I spoke to him and asked him why was hitting and he said because he didn't want to sit on his mat at nap time because he was afraid of the dark. And he is afraid of the dark. He is the only one In his room who does not sleep during nap time so they give him a yoga mat to relax and play on while all the lights are turned off in the room. When he first starting in the room they told me was doing great and all of a sudden he's being sent home for hitting. I just dont know. Due to covid, our doctor's is not taking patient only phone services.
I am told he laugh after hitting, he thinks it funny etc
What has your pediatrician said about his behavior?
What techniques were you taught to use as part of your job at the day care??
We were planning to before covid but now we need to wait our doctors office is close for face to face appointments.
The day care have provided some self - regulation material to help children.
With covid and all the new changing and rules daycares have to follow, it is very overwhelming for the children and teachers I guess. I am in a different room and we deal with a lot of behaviours too. His teachers are doing their best I know, he's not the only kid in the room that acts out but their problem is the hitting.
I have many years of experience working with children of all ages so am able to handle a lot of the behaviours and that why it breaks my heart to see my own kids acting out like that.
Since they know this is his behavior, they need to start with having someone to shadow him and stop the hitting before he does it.
The shadow should:
Be there to handle it.
Understand the behavior.
React immediately. "When you see that little hand about to go up -- try to stop it before it comes down"
Note the environment (and reasons) for the hitting.
Teach sharing, but understand that toddlers think that all toys are *mine.*
Praise good behavior very specifically. When your child uses his words and asks for what he wants -- praise him passionately.
Teach empathy. Help him to make the child he is angry at feel better (ask him what he thinks he should do to accomplish that).
This may take a few weeks, but he will learn.
I spoke with him and I asked him why he was hitting and he said because he didn't want to be on his mat during nap time because is afraid of the dark and they turn off all the lights so the other children can sleep. But he doesnt nap all the time so he get a yoga mat to play on. And it been good since he started in the room till today. I plan on talking to the teacher to see if they leave some light in the room for him. At home we dont turn off the light in his room until he has fallen asleep. ⁵
Can you, or another adult, sit in the nap room so he won’t be afraid?
Plenty of kids have behavioral problems from time to time. My grandson used to bite and kick people, and get violently angry if he lost a game. He just needed to grow out of it. Until your son does, he should be put in time out EVERY time it happens. A 4 year old can be reasoned with, and hitting is never acceptable.
As nana053, said. Praise his good behavior.
It might be better to ride it out in this daycare, instead of switching him, and making him adjust to yet another set of new surroundings.
We have a relative that owns a large kindergarten. When her grandson was there, he was a holy terror disrupting the other kids. Despite having a doctorate in Early Childhood Education, Oma had to expel her grandson from her kindergarten.
They got him to a child psychologist and he was diagnosed with a mild form of autism. He went on to regular school but had difficulties when he got of college age.
The parents had long ago been warned the boy was a follower--not a leader. And they warned him he might be one to get into drugs, etc. And he did.
Best suggestion would be to find the best mental health professionals and follow their recommendations on the young man.
Perhaps your son would be better served to attend a day care separate from where you work.
He may find it hard to process your attention to other children. He's doing whatever it takes to get attention, even if negative.
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