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I went through this situation myself in the past year. We learned that she was begging our son to get pregnant and elope. She had also told our son a rape story which sounded made up the second he recounted it to us. So we took it to the girl's parents, they did not believe us, they encouraged the kids to continue whatever it was they were doing. W\e even tried to pursue a restraining order which fell apart.
Turns out the girl was born 10+ years after her siblings (an oops baby) and pretty much ignored by her parents. Oh and mom was (is) a big hoo-er who cheats on her husband.
Basically it was learned behavior. The whole thing was really bizarre but after we learned the back story it made sense. Luckily the relationship ended before she got knocked up or could fabricate a rape story about our child.
I think the average age for boys to lose their virginity in the USA is around 17, but for girls it's more like 14. Note that I'm talking about averages here, and you can cherry pick stories about yourself or people you know and that sort of thing, but it doesn't change the averages.
Actually the age slightly more than half of all teenagers have sex is 17. For BOTH boys and girls. And only 55% have sex before they reach the "arbitrary" age of 18. 44% of people lost their virginity between 15-19 most of them around the age of 17.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Retired Guy
Umm, nup. Age of consent has no bearing here; that applies when one person is four or more years older than the other and the other is not yet at the age of consent. Which actually varies, generally accepted as 18 here in the States. If I recall correctly.
Actually the age of consent and the laws governing consent vary widely from state to state but is generally accepted as 16 years old. And the age of consent from a legal perspective does pertain to the legality of someone younger having sex with someone older. However they came up with this information based on the scientific belief that CHILDREN's brains are not developed enough to make the sort of informed decision necessary to facilitate a healthy and safe sexual relationship free of peer pressure and coercion. 2 children under the age of consent are both considered too young to make the sort of decision necessary for a healthy and safe sexual relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Retired Guy
Well, what constitutes 'adult'? What's the definition? "18" is an arbitrary number
attached to the (mainly Christian?) idea that when one reaches 18 one is an 'adult'.
Well, that sure ain't true, some folks don't Never 'grow up' emotionally.
Adulthood is recognized at different ages in different cultures:
A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13. This ceremony marks the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult.
Then there is...
In Trinidad and Tobago, the legal age for civil and Christian marriage is 18 for men and women. But the law allows Muslim men to marry at 16 and Muslim women at 12, and Hindu men to marry at 18 and Hindu women at 14. (Neha Thirani Bagri, Quartz: QZ.COM) **
So please stop confusing 'having a healthy sexual relationship' with 'being an adult', those
elements are not synonymous; neither confirms nor encourages the other, they's apples and oranges.
(rant section)
When does (do you remember?) 'making out' lead to outright sex? That's prolly a thing of the distant past now that a) drive-in theaters have all but vanished but they MAY be coming back! and b) REAL theatres, not those crackerjack boxes...you know, with Real popcorn and balconies in the nosebleed section where noone's paying any attention to what you're doing, they're just too, too busy themselves, ahem...are likewise defunct. No romance anymore... kids will never know what they've missed.
And don't even get me started on what bucket seats have destroyed.
** that being said, India has a massive overpopulation problem.
see Wikipedia -
The Indian population reached the billion mark in 1998. ... It is expected to become the first country to
be home to more than 1.5 billion people by 2030, and its population is set to reach 1.7 billion by 2050.
A billion...is a thousand million, or a million thousand, or a thousand thousand thousand, whichever
of those terms frightens you more.
Food for thought, I think.
So much to weed through in this post. 18 as an adult is not a christian construct its a societal one based on the science of the brain.
A bar or bat mitzvah has little to nothing to do with sexual or mating maturity and everything to do with being considered ready for the responsibility of handling a relationship with God and making religious decisions and being held accountable for those decisions. This event occurs at 8 years old in the mormon faith. They arent ready for sex yet either.
Are you actually arguing that muslim female children are actually adults capable of handling a marriage, sex and children AT THE AGE OF 12??
No idea what indias massive overpopulation has to do with this but they are outlawing child brides also.
Children having sex isnt safe or healthy. And as evidenced by this (possibly fake) 14 year old girl, when children are exposed to sex too early they dont take it seriously and are reckless in their attentions to others and dont take proper precautions for their own safety.
You can tell who here has been around teenagers recently and who hasn't, who understands certain laws and who doesn't, and who knows what is relevant to people born in 2005 compared to people born five decades before that.
I, too, have doubts about the veracity of this thread.
Sorry first time poster, not buying it. I can't imagine being an eavesdropping parent and not barging in to end the graphic conversation.
I'm not buying it either. The son wouldn't have the phone on speaker if they were having the type of conversations the OP is describing. Another one and done poster.
Well, what constitutes 'adult'? What's the definition? "18" is an arbitrary number
attached to the (mainly Christian?) idea that when one reaches 18 one is an 'adult'.
Well, that sure ain't true, some folks don't Never 'grow up' emotionally.
Adulthood is recognized at different ages in different cultures:
A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13. This ceremony marks the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult.
*************
Food for thought, I think.
Actually the age slightly more than half of all teenagers have sex is 17. For BOTH boys and girls. And only 55% have sex before they reach the "arbitrary" age of 18. 44% of people lost their virginity between 15-19 most of them around the age of 17.
Actually the age of consent and the laws governing consent vary widely from state to state but is generally accepted as 16 years old. And the age of consent from a legal perspective does pertain to the legality of someone younger having sex with someone older. However they came up with this information based on the scientific belief that CHILDREN's brains are not developed enough to make the sort of informed decision necessary to facilitate a healthy and safe sexual relationship free of peer pressure and coercion. 2 children under the age of consent are both considered too young to make the sort of decision necessary for a healthy and safe sexual relationship.
So much to weed through in this post. 18 as an adult is not a christian construct its a societal one based on the science of the brain.
A bar or bat mitzvah has little to nothing to do with sexual or mating maturity and everything to do with being considered ready for the responsibility of handling a relationship with God and making religious decisions and being held accountable for those decisions. This event occurs at 8 years old in the mormon faith. They arent ready for sex yet either.
*************
Children having sex isnt safe or healthy. And as evidenced by this (possibly fake) 14 year old girl, when children are exposed to sex too early they dont take it seriously and are reckless in their attentions to others and dont take proper precautions for their own safety.
New York's age of consent is based upon a three year or less difference in age. I think that's appropriate.
However, it would be better if children, from both affluent and non-affluent backgrounds could be kept busier with non-sexual agendas. Personally I was, at various times, in Hebrew school, on the JV Soccer team, and school newspaper. Marching band and for one semester choir (my voice is punishment for anyone who hears me sing) kept me plenty busy, as did one mandatory item no one is taking about, homework. Sex frankly wasn't a priority for many. Ironically the one pregnancy I was aware of was a candidate for class president impregnating another honor student. That pregnancy, not surprisingly, ended in abortion. That was the exception that proves the rule; children need agendas or biology takes over.
The Jewish age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah is grounded in an agricultural society, when males were expected to become contributors rather than merely childhood takers. That age is no longer a measure of anything. One of the few worthwhile "reforms" of the Jewish Reform movement was to import the Jewish tradition of confirmation and push the age out to 15 or 16, the spring of 10th Grade. While some Jews are still confirmed out of a desire for more Jewish education, the Bar Mitzvah has become a major, albeit extravagant rite of passage. My older son was thoroughly invested in his Bar Mitzvah, even playing a harmless prank on the Rabbi and Cantor by singing one of the songs from their high school play. Others just trudge through it. Frankly 12 or 13 has little significance in modern society. 15 or 16 does.
Your son needs to be Active in sports and focus on school Church would not hurt
What he should learn from this experience is this is the woman that he will meet on the road through life who will drag him down not lift him up
She is already doing it
How sad that I am having to say this -an utter stranger -and not his father
Manhood is what you do with your heart and head not your pelvis
Your son needs to be Active in sports and focus on school Church would not hurt
What he should learn from this experience is this is the woman that he will meet on the road through life who will drag him down not lift him up
She is already doing it
How sad that I am having to say this -an utter stranger -and not his father
Manhood is what you do with your heart and head not your pelvis
What? All kids aren't good at sports nor do they want to be involved in sports. Everyone doesn't go to church and you can't make them. The world is full of different religions and non-believers.
Well, we can't fix stupid . That goes for the group of parents that are complacent and decide, well I can't force him to be disciplined with his sexual urge, so I'll just buy him condoms and let him run amuck. Because gosh...'on average' he is well within the normal range to practice lust.
How absolutely ludicrous.
My son's both understood the value of body respect. Girls weren't tools to use. It was ingrained to rise above the neanderthal teen urge. And they did. They didn't need to find ways to tap the forbidden fruit because they understood the accountability to the other person.
Yes I'm sure the one hit wonder won't come back to review the comments here. The topic though is one worth guiding and discussing.
Well, we can't fix stupid . That goes for the group of parents that are complacent and decide, well I can't force him to be disciplined with his sexual urge, so I'll just buy him condoms and let him run amuck. Because gosh...'on average' he is well within the normal range to practice lust.
How absolutely ludicrous.
Exactly. But I am stupid, i.e. IQ of 79 but didn't do any of that.
i told them that having sex means having babies, and he is financially responsible for paying for that baby for the next 21 years. all of the money he is saving for the car he wants, all the money he is saving for the computer and stereo system he wants, will go instead to the baby.
i also told my sons that having sex is how a person catches STDs. I showed them graphic photographs of lesions on the penis. I said this is what an STD looks like and these are the symptoms, which I read verbatim. I work in health care and am very matter of fact about describing symptoms to people, and am very comfortable doing so.
now there is nothing quite like having your mother show you photos of penises with lesions, and hearing her describe STDs, and seeing the cost of paying for a baby instead of car insurance and a car. there is nothing quite like the cold water dumped on you of having your mother talk to you about having sex.
now, I also had a basket in the bathroom filled with condoms, in full view sitting on the back of the toilet, and cheerfully made a point of reminding them to use if and when they decided to be sexually active. this was said in a cheerful tone on a regular basis. again, if you want to watch pre teens cringe, this a good way to do so. Oh, and periodically when their friends were over, I would also cheerfully let their friends know that the condoms were available and to help themselves.
This started when they were pre-teens. I have 3 sons close in age. Around the time they were in about sophomore year in high school, they sort of as a group said, "Mom, can we not have the basket of condoms on display anymore?" I said sure, and we put it in the cupboard.
no babies in high school. no babies in college. my motto is, you can't un-see the pictures of a penis with lesions. nor can you un-hear your mom talking to you about these things.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 08-28-2020 at 07:33 PM..
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kids will never know what they've missed.
people by 2030, and its population is set to reach 1.7 billion by 2050.
