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Old 05-12-2008, 09:01 AM
 
14,815 posts, read 15,699,625 times
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Waaaaaay before computers, when I was 16, one of my girlfriends was madly in love with a guy who was in his mid-20's. Her father didn't keep close tabs on her and the lover was actually related to my friend's stepmother, which made their sneaking off together easier. Well, I'm ashamed to say it, but another girl and I helped my friend run away to live with the older boyfriend. He quickly became very physically abusive (no surprise, in retrospect). She eventually left him and came home. He married another woman who had a teenage daughter and ended up going to jail for sexually assaulting the daugther (again, no surprise).

While it is possible for a 16-year-old and a 24-year-old to fall in love, no 24-year-old encourages a 16-year-old to run off without telling her parents. If she lied and told him she was 20, it might explain the sneaking off, but without knowing that, you have to assume the worst.

BTW, my friend ended up marrying a very nice man and they have a sweet family.
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Old 05-12-2008, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Home of King Willie the not so great
4,189 posts, read 3,069,711 times
Reputation: 800
Quote:
Originally Posted by vizufx247 View Post
My question is - now that she is home - how much privacy and respect does she deserve?

None. And she will thank you later.
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:03 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,115 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schousse View Post
Amen.

Thankfully my kids are grown up, but in my house a 16 year old girl would not have access to a computer in the "privacy of her own room".

That girl needs her heinie whupped and then grounded for about a year. And Dad needs his head examined.
I forgot to even touch on the subject of the dad in this situation but I hear you on that comment there. Most of the times, dad would be the one to flip out the most over a situation like this. Often because they look at it in the context of knowing just what guys are thinking and after and wanting to protect their daughters.

I see a couple concerns that rise up for me in this situation. 1) is that the father doesn't seem to be too upset by this scenario with his daughter 2) that he is not standing by his wife on this and presenting a united front to their daughter and 3) that he basically is undermining the mother's authority by "making" her return the items to the daughter. All those 3 things put together add up to potential disaster as the girl will soon, if not already, learn to manipulate her parents, putting one against the other to get her way. She will turn her parents against each other and thus make the focus the fight between them rather than her own behavior. Not a good thing at all.

My thought is he should really take a close look and reevaluate how he is handling this and how he and his wife TOGETHER should handle this in a united fashion.
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Cuba
26 posts, read 75,088 times
Reputation: 44
I have a step daughter that has been allowed to do whatever she wants whenever she wants. (She lives with her mother and dad had no say in the raising). Guess what? My hubby is going to be a grandfather in 2 months. Tough Love is the way to go. I have to agree that the pictures and painting needed to go. Does dad not want to admit that it could of been very dangerous for her? Maybe you need to find some articles on the web to show them both the dangers of meeting someone one the web. The internet can really make yourself look good, when in reality there are some perv's out there. I think your first step is to sit down with her dad and figure out how the discipline needs to happen. Without his backing it will never work. I am afraid that she is in pretty deep though if he already knows what she looks like to paint the picture. I would definitely be checking into how much info was given. You may have stopped her this time but I wouldn't put it past her to try it again.
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
5,988 posts, read 9,869,304 times
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Did the police investigate the 24 yr old? I guess that is not the first minor he has had contact with. You are doing the right thing. If you have the man's name make sure the police have it.
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Old 05-12-2008, 04:15 PM
 
50 posts, read 116,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djf863000 View Post
The guy could be just a nice guy, those relationships happens all the time, but with laws they have now, those relationships are kept secret. If they really love one another, I would have no problem with the relationship. Maybe you need to talk about it and trying to learn about this guy, be open minded without judging him. He might one day be your son-in-law.

Im sorry but what would an older man possibly want with a 16 year old?
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Old 05-12-2008, 05:58 PM
 
Location: In My Own Little World. . .
3,238 posts, read 7,760,844 times
Reputation: 1596
Quote:
Originally Posted by djf863000 View Post
The guy could be just a nice guy, those relationships happens all the time, but with laws they have now, those relationships are kept secret. If they really love one another, I would have no problem with the relationship. Maybe you need to talk about it and trying to learn about this guy, be open minded without judging him. He might one day be your son-in-law.
I wouldn't want a eunuch for a son-in-law, which is what he would be once my husband was finished talking to him.
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Old 05-12-2008, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,040,597 times
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Is the age of consent 16 or 18 where this guy lives?
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Old 05-12-2008, 06:43 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,115 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Is the age of consent 16 or 18 where this guy lives?
Doesn't really matter from my understanding. Where I live the age of consent is 16 but the law still only allows a very small gap of years when it comes to a minor and an adult relationship in the best of circumstances. That gap is 3 years. Meaning if she is 16 and he were 19... ehhh in a good situation maybe he would not get in trouble. That would involve parental consent, no force, no manipulation, no coercion going on etc.

There is an 8 year age difference here and I don't know any state that would give him a free pass on that one based on age of consent being 16 if issues were raised. If he had anything to do at all with her running away, that's coercion of a minor and perhaps even endangerment of a minor among whatever other charges they would want to toss at him.
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Old 05-12-2008, 06:52 PM
 
Location: home
180 posts, read 544,624 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by vizufx247 View Post
Wednesday my 16 year old daughter ran away and left me a note. I was able to find proof on her computer she was taking a flight to visit 24 year old man. Thursday the police were able to take her into custody at the gate in the airport. She's home and I feel very lucky we saved her. Friday I am in her room and find a painting this guy made of her (not sexual) and 2 photos of him - which I confiscate. My daughter freaked out and came downstairs screaming. My husband sided with her, saying she deserved some privacy and respect. My feeling is she had too much privacy and that got her into this situation in the first place. I don't want her holding on to these things and having something concrete to keep her attachment going. I was forced into returning the painting and photos top her. I feel it is WRONG.

What do other parents think about this?
i agree with you , there is something wrong with a 24 yo man who wants to have a relationship with a 16 yo! big maturity difference there. generally the age thing doesnt bother me especially since my husband and i have an 8 year age difference but we are talking about a child with her whole life ahead of her. maybe i am wrong here but cant the guy be arrested for soliciting a minor online?
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