Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had my share of spankings when I was quite a bit younger than I am today. I grew up in the crowd that, when I saw Mama going out and breaking a switch off the bush in the back yard, I started thinking long and hard about everything I had done that day to figure out if that switch was for me or my brother. lol
While that is your irrational stance ,it serves no positive result to the afflicted. I disagree wholeheartedly that parents are the exception. Rise above and be of regard . Thank you.
My stance is based on my considerable experience as a parent. It is not irrational. My children were not afflicted, and are on good terms with me now.
If I had it to do over again, I would spank less than I did. But in some cases, with small children a swift smack gets the message across, when nothing else will. But people who are opposed to corporal punishment should not spank. And beatings are not disciplinary.
While that is your irrational stance ,it serves no positive result to the afflicted. I disagree wholeheartedly that parents are the exception. Rise above and be of regard . Thank you.
Just because someone disagrees with someone else does not necessarily mean that either person is irrational.
Did they control for income and other parental factors? My guess is that lower income parents and parents with other behavioral problems spank at a higher frequency than others. If this wasn’t controlled for, then the study is invalid.
Remember when they said eating breakfast lead to a litany of better health outcomes and had studies to prove it? It turns out that people who were already health conscious read the news reports that eating breakfast is healthy, so they ate breakfast. Eating or not eating breakfast doesn’t matter, it they you tell it’s healthy, then health conscious people will eat breakfast.
My guess is that spanking or not spanking has less to do with it than the types of families that read pediatric studies. The science in these studies is just as valid as linking parents with man buns to not spanking. They spank in Singapore and their population seems to do pretty well, did they factor that into the study? Correlation doesn’t lead to causation.
I spanked my kids. If I had it to do over, I would not spank except in cases where kid was doing dangerous behavior.
My kids have turned out fine. But I think I could have spanked less.
I'm 61. Spouse is 70. We've had discussions about The Good Ol' Days vs Modern Era.
We (and our age mates) have talked about discipline from our parents when we were twerps. There was spanking, there was the proverbial "go get a switch," there was the "wait until your father gets home!" meaning 'talk later, hand-to-butt first' from him. We are all pretty much in agreement that the only result was instilling fear in us. Doing something wrong had an outcome of fear and pain. That equated to paralysis and a problem developing decision making skills. Be static and frozen in fear because the adults might arbitrarily view your actions as wrong and hurt you.
Many of us, as adults, felt stymied about possibly making a mistake. You won't be spanked, but there will be consequences for mistakes and what other people see as bad behavior, so you freeze and leave the big decisions to others.
Took some of us a long time to gain the confidence as adults to take risks. We developed analytical skills that measured action vs outcome. Some didn't and ended up in abusive relationships because they were drawn to people who would always tell them what to do.
If I had kids, I would never-ever use physical discipline on them. One of my siblings followed the pattern of our parents and turned out kids who are quivering rabbits. As adults, they became estranged from their parent, who wonders "well what'd I do?"
If I had kids, I would never-ever use physical discipline on them. One of my siblings followed the pattern of our parents and turned out kids who are quivering rabbits. As adults, they became estranged from their parent, who wonders "well what'd I do?"
Maybe some kids can learn simply by good example and reason alone. However, in my experience, most kids need the experience of "if I do that, I'll get into trouble" -- whether that "trouble" translates to being grounded or privileges taken away or spanking or even just risking the disapproval/disappointment of someone. (Btw, my worst fear and deterrent was incurring the disapproval of someone whose opinion I cared about, but that was not true of my siblings. Different methods work for different kids.)
Btw, my parents DID spank, but NONE of us four siblings turned into "quivering rabbits", none of us were estranged from our parents, and none of us abused our own kids -- unless you consider taking away privileges, grounding, or a few open-handed spanks on a covered bottom "abuse". (And, yes, I do know that some people think those methods of discipline to be abuse as they consider that to not respectful of their children and a case of parents abusing their adult status -- but I personally think such people risk having their kids turn into spoiled entitled brats. Of course, that is my opinion.)
Last edited by katharsis; 07-04-2021 at 03:46 PM..
I would no sooner hit a child than I would kick a dog. It might feel good for the hitter in the moment because it interrupts the kid's behaviour (or the dog's), but it's not likely to have any real discipline affect in the long run.
There's many good ways to teach good behaviour, and hitting for bad behaviour isn't necessary.
If you want to discourage bad behavior you have to use rewards and punishments. Depending upon the kid, some things work and others don't. And how does it matter if you punish with a quick spank or putting them in time out? It's still punishment. It will still make them afraid to do something wrong. Either you punish them physically or you punish them emotionally.
Some kids barely need any discipline (very few) but the meanest thing to do is to not teach or discipline your kid at all. They want to learn right from wrong and how to behave.
But I wonder if a study was done about parents spanking their kids a few times with an open hand on covered bottoms versus parents who gave their children absolutely NO discipline, allowing them to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, which group would end up with higher average income and have fewer arrests on average when they were adults?
how absurd, to pick out a strawman extreme position for comparison. I mean, the equivalent would be comparing no corporal punishment to a parent who beats their child until they are bruised, or even worse, that's how extreme the idea of a parent never disciplining their child is.
Very, very few parents provide absolutely no discipline at all, even those who are committed to not using physical force that would be considered assault if done to another adult as a punishment. And yes, an open hand spank to an adult's bottom would be assault. If you don't believe me, try spanking a co-worker who reports to you who has done something wrong and let me know how that goes.
how absurd, to pick out a strawman extreme position for comparison. I mean, the equivalent would be comparing no corporal punishment to a parent who beats their child until they are bruised, or even worse, that's how extreme the idea of a parent never disciplining their child is.
Very, very few parents provide absolutely no discipline at all, even those who are committed to not using physical force that would be considered assault if done to another adult as a punishment. And yes, an open hand spank to an adult's bottom would be assault. If you don't believe me, try spanking a co-worker who reports to you who has done something wrong and let me know how that goes.
That (not using any discipline) is not that unusual these days. I know both from reading and from personal experience that some parents do NOT discipline their kids at all -- and it is quite a bit more than just a few. Imo, that is even MORE abusive than the kind of spankings that most people over 60 received when we were kids. NO ONE I know who was not actually beaten (i.e., bruised or worse) claims that they were abused because their parents spanked them. (And, yes, I know that some people equate the spankings I described to being beaten, but -- also, in my opinion, that is ridiculous -- almost as ridiculous as saying that someone who lets their ten-year-old child walk six blocks to school by himself or herself is a neglectful parent.)
And talk about an absurd "strawman" response! A child receives many kinds of rewards and "negative consequences" that are not used on adults. How would an adult react if a boss offered stickers or a trip to a zoo instead of a raise? Just as silly as your post referring to spanking an adult. But, yes, I do believe that natural consequences are the best teacher in most situations -- but I am not going to say that a parent who spanks a four-year-old child for intentionally and repeatedly doing something naughty after being told "No" is a bad and abusive parent -- just like I am not going to ever excuse a parent for hitting a child so hard that it leaves a bruise (or worse).
Anyway, this is my last post on this thread. I can't imagine that I could add anything else, and I am not going to continue to argue, as you do have a right to your opinion. (And, just btw, I have received seven reps for my posts on this thread so far.)
Last edited by katharsis; 07-04-2021 at 09:40 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
