Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been parenting my bi-racial (B-W) GD and she is now 11 years old. My mom and I got into a disagreement tonight about the importance of her knowing the other side of her family, as well as her black culture. We are white and she has been raised in our white world. Since moving here four years ago, I seldom socialize- too busy raising her and my 14 YO son (her uncle)- and our church is predominantly white.
I feel that she should also identify with her black culture (not to mention the other side of her family). I think she needs to have a connection. Her mom is out of the pix, but she has a number of relatives about six hours away that would love to have an ongoing relationship with her. We have been to visit a couple of times, but for financial reasons have not been there more. Her great-grands are on a fixed income and so do not travel.
My question to those of you who are either BW bi-racial children or the parents of same, how important is it to know both of your backgrounds?
My mom says that it doesn't make any dif and that I am making too much of race. I feel that this is important for her to have exposure to both races on an intimate level.
I need help- it really got ugly tonight and my mom said that I was hyper- sensitive to this and that my belief would ultimately give her hang ups.
I think you need to make the effort and put the opportunity out there. If not, you run the risk of her growing up and blaming you for not trying to teach her about the rest of her culture. Leave it up to her (when she is an adult) to determine just which aspects and how much of each culture she feels comfortable embracing. It should be White culture by default simply because she was raised by the White side of her family.
I am not in your situation as far as raising a bi-racial child, however, if I were, I would think that it is important for the child to know of and understand all aspects of what makes her who she is. That would include her other side of the family, not just for race and culture sake but because of the family ties in general.
I've often felt that bi-racial children could have it difficult growing up. Not really knowing where they fit in. Take the B & W bi-racial child... they are not totally white, and not totally black either. Sometimes they are not totally accepted by either race either. If I am correct in this thinking, then I would think it is hard enough trying to deal with figuring out where exactly do you fit in, without having to do so ignorant of what that other side or part of you is.
My opinion is that, as long as the other side of the family is not unfit to be around the child for some reason, then it is not going to hurt that child to know and have a relationship with them. It can only help the child to build a relationship with that side of the family. They are afterall a part of who this child is.
Hope this helps some, even though I am not in that situation.
I've often felt that bi-racial children could have it difficult growing up. Not really knowing where they fit in. Take the B & W bi-racial child... they are not totally white, and not totally black either. Sometimes they are not totally accepted by either race either. If I am correct in this thinking, then I would think it is hard enough trying to deal with figuring out where exactly do you fit in, without having to do so ignorant of what that other side or part of you is.
Thats because you are not a child. This is 2008 and younger generations do not care. The only reason why certain kids do care is because parents force the race issue on them. Don't make this a black and white thing. Because there is no black or white culture. There is American culture. Sure she should get to know her family but don't make such an emphasis on race.
My question was directed to two groups- bi-racial individuals and parents of same.
This thread is about knowing your culture, not the value of knowing your family. I included that as a way of explaining why she is not getting any real exposure to her AA heritage through contact with her mom's family. I don't think that there is anyone who would argue with the value of knowing and spending time with your relatives
I guess I wasn't clear about the family connection- while her mom is out of the picture by the mother's choice/lifestyle- and lives 3,000 miles away, the relatives six hours away are wonderful people and I have taken her to see them twice since we moved here. They know that they are welcomed here, as well, but have not come down. They are her great-grands and don't travel much. An uncle, aunt and cousin have moved there, but we haven't met them yet. The family connection is only limited due to resources.
Anyway, thank you for the posts and to those who DMed me.
Thats because you are not a child. This is 2008 and younger generations do not care. The only reason why certain kids do care is because parents force the race issue on them. Don't make this a black and white thing. Because there is no black or white culture. There is American culture. Sure she should get to know her family but don't make such an emphasis on race.
Thats because you are not a child. This is 2008 and younger generations do not care. The only reason why certain kids do care is because parents force the race issue on them. Don't make this a black and white thing. Because there is no black or white culture. There is American culture. Sure she should get to know her family but don't make such an emphasis on race.
I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you and it it's not about making it a racial thing. I am far from racist or viewing anyone or anything in terms of color of someone's skin. But while I may not be a child, I do in fact have children and not only hear the stories but also have witnessed it myself. 2008 or not, it does still go on while maybe at a smaller scale.
While yes it is true there is the American culture that all here in America share in common. I disagree that there is no other culture to contend with. Take for example, I am American. First generation born here in America. However, I am also Hispanic. Much of my personal culture comes from my upbringing that entails being Cuban. There are many differences between the Cuban/Hispanic culture and the American Culture, different views, approaches, celebrations, etc. Same as there is differences between the White American and African America cultures.
In my opinion, and that is all it is, not based on race or making race an issue, it is important for any child to know their heritage and all they an know about the cultures that the heritage entails.
Hi. My children are mixed, so I'm part of the group you asked to respond.
I do think it's important for mixed children to have access to both sides on an intimate level. Even if both sides act exactly the same, it's about being able to identify and feel comfortable with both races. I've friends of mixed races who have had difficulty finding an identity and others who have had no problems. It boils down to personality and coping skills, but I think exposure will go a long way. Now that I think about it, my one Asian/White friend had no access to his Asian family and he said it was a bit odd for him when he moved to California. Everyone thought he was Native American, too, but that's an aside.
There is another thing to consider. While it's 2008, racism still exists, but it's often a lot more subtle now. I can't see it in any of my interactions with people, so I am relying on my husband to teach my daughters how to recognize it. Her mother's side of the family will be able to do the same, as well.
So, to sum up, do your best to give her as much time with the other side of the family as possible. And, no, you won't tell her it's because she needs to spend time with them for racial reasons. She needs to spend time with them because they are family, love her, and have things to share with her.
Cheers!
Last edited by fjtee; 05-15-2008 at 11:08 AM..
Reason: typo
I'm white, my husband is black and we have a 10 yr old daughter and 5 yr old son. (I also have a 26 and 21 yr old from first marriage to a white man)
Here's my take, for what it's worth. :-)
I've found that 'mixed' kids are typically raised in either a predominantly white environment or a predominantly black environment, depending on the parents and what they feel comfortable with, where they live and what kind of families they have. One culture tends to be more involved in their lives than the other due to all that, so what you are experiencing isn't uncommon at all. It's just life. Take away the color aspect and you have the exact same thing happening all across the world.
For instance an irish guy marries a 5th generation Virginian....they've got all kinds cultural differences to consider and a completely different history that makes up their life story, yet they are both white......
So, look at it from what would be interesting and important about the other half of her family and focus on that and allow the 'color' to be the afterthought.
My kids don't see their dad's family all that much as most of them live 8 hours away, but they feel right at home with them as much as they do with any of my family they see. They have all sorts of aunts/uncles/cousins with all sorts of differences that they sink right into and love, yet skin color means nothing to them.
Now the flip side is history. Our take on teaching them history is to also remove race/religion/gender as much as it can be in order to show them that we believe everyone is indeed deserving of equal treatment. As they get older they will fully comprehend the issues such as slavery, but at this age it's nothing they can truly associate with their lives today.
I think it's important for all kids to learn who Martin Luther King was along with George Washington and Sitting Bull. To learn about Harriet Tubman along with Clara Barton and Pocahontas. It's all part of their ultimate history.
This topic is of great interest to me because I am black and my husband is white; we are having a baby that is due in June.
Fortunately, there are no problems with our child having access to both sides of the family. But both he and I do think its important to expose a bi-racial child to the culture of both sides of the family.
I really take offense to people acting like doing this is somehow "making race an issue". Different families have different traditions and that is magnified when the two familes are of different races or cultures. Talking about differences is not a bad thing, I'm not sure where this line of thinking comes from. When you act like one difference is better than the other, is where you go wrong.
Also, at some point I know our child is going to notice that mommy and daddy look different, compared to most other kids' mommies and daddies, and he will ask questions. I'm not going to ignore his questions or tell him to ignore differences. We should appreciate differences, not ignore them.
I understand that some people have this ideal about how America ahould be in 2008; but the reality is a little different.
So, to the OP, I think its good what you're trying to do and I wouldn't really get into it with your mom. You do what you think is best.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
