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Our little girl is currently 16 weeks. I can definitely sympathize, those early days are very very tough. What you describe with the sleeping is exactly what we went through as well. We also had a lot of issues with fussiness and gassiness, lots of hours logged with an extremely uncomfortable and upset newborn. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, so I won't rehash it or take sides on if dad is doing the right thing or not.
I'll give the same advice others gave to us. Hang in there, it gets easier. The sleeping gets better, the fussiness gets better. We are seeing such a difference in our little girl even at 16 weeks. Don't get me wrong it's still a ton of work, still have frustrations and tough days. But you start getting a lot more of the good/fun stuff and less of the I want to pull my hair out stuff. And we also have more confidence in ourselves as parents as each day goes by.
Sounds like he has a difference in opinion. It's OK that he doesn't agree with you.
What?! It's ok that he insists on feeding the baby at a faster rate than the baby can tolerate, just because he doesn't have the patience to adjust to the baby's needs? Really??
This is not about the OP's opinion. It's about what a helpless infant needs from its caregivers. Both parents produced this baby. If one of them is unwilling to step up to the plate for 2 days out of 7, and learn and accept what his baby needs for its physical (and emotional) well-being, that's a problem. It's his baby as much as it is his wife's.
IDK what to say, OP; couple counseling, for this initial, challenging phase?
What?! It's ok that he insists on feeding the baby at a faster rate than the baby can tolerate, just because he doesn't have the patience to adjust to the baby's needs? Really??
This is not about the OP's opinion. It's about what a helpless infant needs from its caregivers. Both parents produced this baby. If one of them is unwilling to step up to the plate for 2 days out of 7, and learn and accept what his baby needs for its physical (and emotional) well-being, that's a problem. It's his baby as much as it is his wife's.
IDK what to say, OP; couple counseling, for this initial, challenging phase?
But, do we know that? In OP, OP said she "suggested" to use slow-flow bottles. But she didn't she that she uses slow-flow when feeding. If she does, does it work better? Or does baby still spit up? Is the baby just eating too much at one sitting, slow-flow or not? Is the baby just one that does a fair amount of spitting up no matter what? We just don't know.
The reality is that it seems this is a first child and that the mother is trying to parent out of a baby book. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting guidance, but a lot of first time parents treat that as if they're reading a step-by-step instruction manual. Every baby is going to be a little different.
The reality is that, yes, neither of them is really communicating well or showing the other much empathy or grace.
this is pretty simple. you asked for help and he said no. that's not what partners do.
you deserve better than that.
No. She asked for help and demanded that help be exactly as she wants it done. Slavery was abolished long ago. He can have his own parenting style, and it can be different than hers. You don’t impose your parenting style on your partner. You negotiate it and accept that you’re not going to always get exactly your way. The problem here is she is being a bit of a tyrant, then feeling sorry for herself when there is pushback.
No. She asked for help and demanded that help be exactly as she wants it done. Slavery was abolished long ago. He can have his own parenting style, and it can be different than hers. You don’t impose your parenting style on your partner. You negotiate it and accept that you’re not going to always get exactly your way. The problem here is she is being a bit of a tyrant, then feeling sorry for herself when there is pushback.
I appreciate the sentiment but calling a new mother of 4 weeks a tyrant is not okay.
Parenting is a perpetual learning curve, trying, failing and repeating to see what will work best. There isn't only one way to handle a situation, is what the OP needs to keep in mind.
No. She asked for help and demanded that help be exactly as she wants it done. Slavery was abolished long ago. He can have his own parenting style, and it can be different than hers. You don’t impose your parenting style on your partner. You negotiate it and accept that you’re not going to always get exactly your way. The problem here is she is being a bit of a tyrant, then feeling sorry for herself when there is pushback.
BS
My husband's parenting style involved doing as little as possible, leaving the work up to me.
I told him he could either get off his lazy butt and pitch in, or pay child support. His choice.
He turned out to be a good father, no thanks to advice from nitwits about how I was trying to make a slave of him.
My husband's parenting style involved doing as little as possible, leaving the work up to me.
I told him he could either get off his lazy butt and pitch in, or pay child support. His choice.
He turned out to be a good father, no thanks to advice from nitwits about how I was trying to make a slave of him.
Good grief.
The evidence as presented indicates he is very willing to help, but not willing to follow arbitrary orders. Ordering him to hold the kid for 2 hours is off the wall. Sounds like the early beginnings of spoiling, and dad was correct to push back. Give dad the kid, and give him the space to make his own decisions about caring, and go get your sleep. He’ll figure it out. Henpecking is a suboptimal strategy.
The evidence as presented indicates he is very willing to help, but not willing to follow arbitrary orders. Ordering him to hold the kid for 2 hours is off the wall. Sounds like the early beginnings of spoiling, and dad was correct to push back. Give dad the kid, and give him the space to make his own decisions about caring, and go get your sleep. He’ll figure it out. Henpecking is a suboptimal strategy.
For crying out loud. Holding a baby is not spoiling it.
And how exactly does one go about sleeping with a crying baby in the house?
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