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Old 10-09-2008, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Vegas Baby
542 posts, read 1,722,099 times
Reputation: 236

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Just wanted to update everyone. We are settled into our routine in Vegas. My daughter did have a small problem with the class bully but we got through it without incident. This girl is so little when I saw her I was shocked!! lol When I spoke to the teacher about some of her comments toward my daughter the teacher told me " I'm sorry I really shouldn't say this but we've had problems with her for years". My daughter is learning that not everyone is her friend (well I'm really trying to get her to learn this lol) and everyone isn't going to be her friend and that is ok. I know it's easy for me to say as an adult. However in the 5th grade she just wants everyone to like her and it really hurts her feelings when they don't. All in all things are going pretty well.

Hope all is well with everyone else.
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Old 10-10-2008, 10:13 AM
 
7,672 posts, read 9,301,338 times
Reputation: 7897
Excellent update.

I had little issues with boys teasing my daughter. We role played and so she was "ready" the next time the kid said something. The class dissolved in laughter when daughter quipped with one of her "coached" phrases. Kid left her alone after that.

He called her stinky.

She said it must have been his upper lip.
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Old 10-11-2008, 02:22 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,635,548 times
Reputation: 2489
Quote:
Originally Posted by movingon2vegas View Post
Okay I need a little adult guidance!! I'm REALLY REALLY trying not to revert back to elementary and go kick some kids behind for picking on my baby!!! uggghhh
My daughter is only in the 4th grade and it's starting ALREADY this is frustrating and annoying!! There is a clique of mean girls who have been picking on my daughter daily for the past two + weeks. I have gone in and spoken with the teacher. I've met with the principal and at this point I am so far past the telling my daughter "just ignore them baby" stage!! The principal said she's going to "talk to them". For some reason I don't have too much faith in that working. I'm ready to tell her to kick some *ss and take names later!!! uuggghhh They have gone beyond just talking about her and ganging up on her, they are now pushing her in line and other things. THEN when my daughter yells at them to leave her alone ... of course the teacher FINALLY can see and hear and she's telling my daughter to "calm down".

I'm about to lose it people!!!
Uggg! You have a daughter? I have a son and this would be a given, but being that my sister is pregnant with the only girl in the entire male clan we have? I would not have it....not one bit of it!
Being a girl I can recollect the theory of "Boys are rough but girls are cruel" AND I will tell you what I did not tolerate it! I always struck back although it was much too my mothers dismay...my father always stated "What is good for the goose is good for the gander" And when it became an issue my father stated "I came to you when this started I stated that my daughter was being pushed around although you claimed to have duty aides and yet nothing was done to protect my kids" "So if adults are not going to protect my daughters I wilo or or they will, enough said"
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Old 10-11-2008, 04:00 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,178 posts, read 7,784,794 times
Reputation: 3890
Bully's are everywhere.
In school. Sometimes at work.
Throughout life any person can encounter a bully.
Usually when a person stands up to them and lets them know they will push back, the bully will go find easier prey.
It is a dominance thing. Bully's are cowards who are trying to feed their own egos.
There was a kid years ago who used to try to intimidate my youngest son and since I had told my son to try ro stay out of fights unless he was physically attacked he should just try to ignore the person.
I met the kid one day by chance and told him that if he ever bothered my son again I would see him with his parents in court. I guess he didn't believe me. The bullying happened again.
So I told my son that if the kid ever picked on him again to hurt him as bad as he could as quick as he could.
One day it happened. My son grabbed him by the neck and threw the kid on the floor and put his knee in the kids throat.
Told him that was just a sample of what would happen next time.
My son was never bothered again by the big bully.
I don't believe in being aggressive toward people over small, petty stuff.
But when it goes on and on it is time to throw the political correct BS out the window and fight fire with fire.
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Old 10-11-2008, 04:06 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,618,879 times
Reputation: 2236
I know that in these days, if a teacher tried to make the bully children stand up and say what they were doing.......the parents of the bully children would actually be able to get the teacher in trouble for embarrassing their children!
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Old 10-11-2008, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Purcell Trench
168 posts, read 576,503 times
Reputation: 94
Read through about three pages, and I'm just going to say what I know of cases like this:

First off, the school probably won't do anything. There are hordes of reasons why that we won't go into, but, two, if your daughter, the victim, retaliates, it will be you and she who is reprimanded or prosecuted, not the bullies or their parents. Reason: Tackle the easiest and weakest perpetrator to end the conflict.

In your situation, IMO, there are two scenarios most prevalent:

1. The bullying won't stop, but will escalate, regardless of what is done. (Think of the Crips and the Bloods feud.)

2. The bullying will stop if the bullies and/or their families suffer consequences.

Problem: You never know which way it will go.

Possible solutions:

Change schools, or move to another city entirely. Do NOT leave a forwarding address.

Confrontation. (Not always effective, not always ineffective.)

Hire your child a bodyguard. (This could stigmatize her, though.)

Possible complications:

The original victim and/or her parents, in turning on the bullies, winds up suffering prosecution for bullying, not the bullies.

Moving to the new school, if chosen...which I see you are moving...doesn't stop other children from victimizing your daughter. (She's exhibiting behavior that marks her for bullying.)

-----------------

What would I do:

Determine what makes my daughter a target.

Teach her strategies to outsmart the predators. She has four choices in such situations:
* reason and negotiation,
* flight,
* fight,
* or "not be there."

"Not be there" is the most effective: Have her change her patterns, always have her stay with a group or maintain close proximity with an adult.

If moving to a new school, make sure she isn't exhibiting characteristic behavior of a victim. Self-confidence and "self-carriage" are always deterents, but, likewise, too much will cause the same problem.

Try changing her perfume, shampoo, and deodorants to something that buries pheromone scent. Sometimes these things come down to base levels of the brain where the pheromones, undetectable as they seem to be, are what is keying the aggressive behavior from "competitors."

What would I do: I'd have her videotape the incidents using her cell phone, or fitting her with remote surveillance. Once I had the evidence, I'd start legal proceedings against the school and, if need be, the parents of the bullies, but I would also, with a bit of training, arm my child, especially if she has no martial skills. I'd arm her with either pepper spray or mace and probably a taser, too. Illegal or not in school, I'd deal with those consequences later in a court of law. Once one has reasonable cause for fear of bodily harm, the use of force in self-defense is permissible.
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Old 10-11-2008, 05:16 PM
 
809 posts, read 2,547,319 times
Reputation: 489
I am a 25 year old female who was picked on around the time I was 11-13. I was indeed what I consider one of the "dorky" people, but I was always nice to people, I was never mean. Always tried to be everyones friends.

Well I had a few girls (and guys now that I think of it) who just liked to PICK on me. One girl who had a locker next to me used to purposely slam it shut or stand in the way of it so I couldn't get to it. She would say nasty things to me. I usually just ignored her, but it still hurt my feelings a LOT.

One girl in particular (who happened to have the same name as me! ugh!) use to be HORRIBLE to me. I would sit with a group of friends of mine (she was friends with them too) at lunch and she would out of nowhere ask me "Why do you ALWAYS wear your hair the same? It looks stupid" ....... luckily the other girls would yell at her to shut up. She was always a b*tch to me but since she happened to be friends with a lot of the same girls as me, those girls would usually back me up and tell her to shut up.

I had one boy that always picked on me in math class. After NUMEROUS days of being picked on I'd nearly had enough and on that particular day he decided to flick me as hard as he could with a rubber band (IT HURT SO BAD!) I NEVER wanted these bullies to see me cry ever. But since it hurt so bad I ended up BALLING my eyes out (which of course EVERYONE in the class saw and mocked me for it)..... I ran immediately to the teacher and told her what had happened and who did it and showed her the mark from the rubberband. That kid got in MAJOR trouble for that, but he left me alone after that.......

I use to have kids run at me in the hall and knock my books out of my hand. There were always nice kids nearby that would help me pick them up.

There was just SO many mean kids that I remember. I was SO grateful to move away from that school!


It has scarred me to this day. I'm still a pretty shy person at times. I have HORRIBLE speaking/stage fright. I've VERY slowly started to get over it and am a LOT stronger from it (at least I feel I am) .........

I would love nothing more then to FIND those people and flaunt myself in front of them because I WAS nerdy back then, but I MAJORLY blossomed when I turned 17-18. In fact I went back and visited an old friend a few years ago and came across one of those kids. I was sitting in my friends passenger seat in her car as she talked to him. And my friend (knowing it was one of the kids that use to pick on me) was like "Hey, do you remember xxxx xxxxx". THe kids was like "ya" ..... and my friends goes "this is her"....... the kids jaw DROPPED!!!!!!!!! HE didn't even RECOGNIZE me!!!!!!!! it was the GREATEST feeling in the world!


STAND by your daughters! Let them know that NOT everyone is a bully out there. And the bullies are usually WAY more insecure then the people they bully!!!! My mom never really helped me thru the situations. She thought I was over-exaggerating things. (she would say things like "it's not that bad, you're fine" when I'd come home BALLING my eyes out) It wasn't until YEARS later of me REPEATING the horrible stories that it finally SUNK in that I'd been horribly bullied! She read something about it and SEES it now. She feels bad for having never stood behind me and backed me up and been there for me. But oh well. I know how to stand up for myself pretty well now.
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Old 10-11-2008, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Southern Maine, Greater Portland
511 posts, read 773,846 times
Reputation: 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I forgot to mention that our situation is complicated by the fact that I'm good friends with one of the little girls' parents. I like them and they're good people. It's not their fault that their daughter is a little b***h. For a while my daughter wanted to get together with the friend and her mom for a pow-wow, but after the last episode I told my daughter that she is too good of a person to try and be friends with these other two.

Still, the whole being friends with the parents thing is tricky.
Would it be possible to talk to your friend and suggest a girls day out, the two mothers and the two daughters. Maybe the mean girl would see your daughter in a different light. Sometimes being in a different setting with someone creates a different perception. Make it a fun day. Make some comments during your day in reference to how much fun you are all having. I hope you find a solution, sometimes there are no easy answers.
Good luck.
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