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Old 10-20-2021, 01:30 PM
Location: USA
405 posts, read 335,683 times
Reputation: 105


Family/House Rules implementation drawback ?

Thanks for replying to my threads. Here is the background. This forum gave many insights.

We know many business have set of rules from CEO to all employees to follow for healthy business atmosphere.

I am thinking of building one for my family as Family Rules doc/guidelines to adopt/enforce family values etc.

It can work like country's constitution .

What you folks think about this ?

Are there any web resources to build one?

What are the pros and cons having this?

Thanks for guidance.
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Old Yesterday, 05:26 PM
Location: Wisconsin
19,414 posts, read 21,625,787 times
Reputation: 50479
My immediate thought was way don't you just teach/promote "family values" by being good role models as parents? At first glance, it appears to be somewhat controlling or authoritarian to do this by ordering your child (and spouse?) to follow your "rules".

I'll use my family as an example. Both of our extended families value education. Did we use that as a club to demand obedience from our children? Heck no!

But, they did observe both Hubby and I continuing to further our already advanced degrees in our fields. Our children saw us taking classes and attending workshops on cutting edge methods in our profession, as well as reading professional journals and attending conferences and meetings regarding our careers.

Our children are now adults. One has a Ph.D. and has done a substantial amount of both independent and collaborative research in his field. The other just finished a master's degree, in another country completely in a foreign language.

Both of our extended families value reading. Did we force our children to enjoy reading? Heck, no!

However, Hubby and I were role models by showing how much we enjoyed reading. Our family had subscriptions to several newspapers and magazines, and also visited public libraries and book stores on a regular basis. Our family had a daily evening "quiet hour". It was a time to quietly read to ourselves or others or do homework or paperwork. Obviously, no TV or electronics, except soft background music (frequently classical).

As adults, our children continue their love of reading, as well as interest in current events. And have passed that love to another generation.

I could share example after example of ways that Hubby and I showed our commitment to key values by leading by example rather than making rules and demanding obedience. Volunteering, community service, political activism, equality for all, even caregiving are all values that we shared though our actions and behavior. Did we have to "make rules" for our family? Nope.

Should you "make rules" for your family to follow? IMHO, leading by example is much better.
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Old Yesterday, 06:08 PM
Location: Bloomington IN
7,864 posts, read 10,048,144 times
Reputation: 20935
Agree 100% with Germaine. Being a role model is the best way to impart values to children. We did similar things with reading, plus the bonus--they had to go to bed at a certain time, but they were allowed to keep the lights on for an extra 30 minutes if they were reading. Guess what my kids did every night before they slept?

Certainly we had expectations for routines and school work, etc. but these weren't written. They were communicated through a lifetime and on a daily basis when appropriate.

I can really see some sort of written document going wrong in lots of ways. It seems very controlling, and I imagine pre-teens and teens would resent it and rebel because of it.

If you really want some sort of family constitution than create it as a family. THAT could be a learning and bonding experience for the family. Even very young children know the difference between good and bad behavior and have ideas about what they would like. Doing at as a family would teach your children that they have a voice. That's all more important and meaningful than some arbitrary document that YOU BUILD alone.

And good gosh, families are not meant to be run like corporations. I hope you don't use this kind of business language with your children. Families involve emotions and love. Corporations do not.
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