My child can do no wrong! (punish, parent, girl, smart)

[cdc3217]

Originally Posted by Oobie119

Many times, being a teacher, I think some kids have dual personalities. They are a completely different child in school. They are sweet attentive angels at home, and they turn to school and act out. Could it be they are smart enough to know, "mom will never believe the teacher if I get caught"..I truly believe some of these parents when they say it's very unlike their child to do such a thing. Luckily, I havent had any horror stories. Sometimes I think kids now a days are too smart for their own good! On the other hand, there ARE those parents that will never admit the thier child was misbehaving. The ones that are defensive and aggressive and feel everyone is out to get their child. THESE I LOATHE!!

Ha ha...I always hear about the dual personality in reverse. One of my darlings is SOO *wonderful* at school, but very temperamental at home. You know, "Who, my kid?! Was a pleasure?! A natural leader? Are you sure we're talking about the same person?"

Of course there's lots behind kids behavior, but I guess they figure out us adults better than we might give them credit for.

[drjones96]

Originally Posted by Oobie119

Many times, being a teacher, I think some kids have dual personalities. They are a completely different child in school. They are sweet attentive angels at home, and they turn to school and act out. Could it be they are smart enough to know, "mom will never believe the teacher if I get caught"..I truly believe some of these parents when they say it's very unlike their child to do such a thing. Luckily, I havent had any horror stories. Sometimes I think kids now a days are too smart for their own good! On the other hand, there ARE those parents that will never admit the thier child was misbehaving. The ones that are defensive and aggressive and feel everyone is out to get their child. THESE I LOATHE!!

Our oldest child is the exact opposite. She's the angel that can do no wrong at school. At home she is....well....very mischeivious. To the outside world she's perfect. We know better.

[anifani821]

Parents who think their kids are above criticism are often the same ones who think their kids are smarter, more talented, better athletes (whatever) than everyone else's kids. It is like an attitude of entitlement - their kids are BETTER so they should not be subjected to the same consequences as other kids get. It is always "someone else's fault."

Those types of parents make all sorts of excuses for their kids so they expect everyone else to, also. Or, they are so blinded by their own incorrect vision about their children that when their kid is not "the best" (for any reason) - they assume some nefarious reason - bad teacher, other kids causing problems, bad school, bad coach, whatever. To admit the kid is just not as stellar as the parents think is to admit their "ideal" about the kid was wrong.

And I agree w/ others - many parents have their own self esteem so tightly wrapped up w/ their kids' "successes" that they can't take criticism, period. They won't admit there is even a problem and surely - if there is a problem - someone else's fault!!!!

I have raised my kids and one thing I can say for sure: none are perfect, LOL. The saddest kids I have ever seen (who have grown up to be depressed or have not adjusted well in life) were raised by parents who never let those children just live and learn - learn consequences - learn to cope - and learn to say "I made a mistake and am responsible."

[tet tea]

anifani ... you have just hit the nail on the head as far as my situation goes.

Your last paragraph puts it in a nutshell!

The kids become masters in the art of lying to protect themselves or draw attention away from their behavior. They don't know what to expect when "Mommy dear" finds out, so it's easier to point the finger.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by tet tea

anifani ... you have just hit the nail on the head as far as my situation goes.

Your last paragraph puts it in a nutshell!

The kids become masters in the art of lying to protect themselves or draw attention away from their behavior. They don't know what to expect when "Mommy dear" finds out, so it's easier to point the finger.

The older I get, the more I can recognize parents on this hamster wheel, LOL. I can spot 'em at a distance. What is so sad - they are handicapping their kids for a lifetime - unless at some point, the kids get to be adults and figure out they are not entitled . . . the world owes them nothing . . . and they are responsible for themselves. Kids that grow up this way make lousy employees and terrible spouses . . .

[ali&ajsmom]

I just had this happen at mcdonalds yesterday when my son and 2 other kids were playing monsters on the toys and my son had said get him and the boy he said it to halled off a decked the kid and when the kid who had gotten decked pushed the other boy to defend himself the kids(who hit the other one) mom put the blame on my son and the other boy who was defending himself. mind you they were playing monsters and were tagging each other not hitting. The mom of the boy that decked the kid had the never to say that the other mom and myself were to busy to watch our kids even though our kids did nothing wrong except play with this kid.

[Mrs.Bewitched]

I am friends with a woman whose brother and sister-in-law are the type of parents that it's everyone else's fault. They have three children. I don't know if it matters...unless it was due to the behavior getting in the way of the academics...but two of the children have been retained. I think the oldest is 19 and still in high school. One has been in one of those alternative schools where you go for bad behavior. The youngest- somewhere between 8-10 has been kicked out of 2 schools and transferred to about 3 or 4 other ones. Every single time for the youngest child...so it's been 5 or 6 different schools with various teachers and principals...different suspensions...it's always been the teacher and principal's fault. Always. Not once their child's. The adults are picking on him, they don't like him, they're wrong, the other children are lying.....it goes on and on. Mind you, the other boy, the middle one, has been in different schools too, suspended and expelled and is now in the alternative school. The oldest, the daughter is one of the ones retained and has been in trouble (though not the trouble as the other two). They aren't angels at home either.

Yes, I know some children are going to turn out "bad" no matter how good the parent is, but for all of your children to turn out like this....isn't that a sign? And then to blame everyone else? And the family doesnt' try to mention anything to him (my friend is a teacher!!!!!!!!!!) because then the brother will not talk to whoever mentions it...so they just don't bring up anything.

[sskkc]

My neighbors believe that I think my kids are perfect and have gone out of their way to tell me they aren't (in those exact words).

She got this impression because her child is so horrible. After months of trying to work it out with them, I'm at the point that I rarely let them play together. She and her husband confronted me about it this week. I told them that regardless of the reasons why, my children have been ruder and more disrespectful since they moved in and our children started hanging out together. My 5 year old is suddenly interested in popularity (their child is OBSESSED with it). Both the kids have become sneakier, meaner to each other, etc. The neighbor's child is constantly trying to "one up" my kids... I understand why - my kids get trips to Disney, toys, go out to movies, get invited to parties, attend Scouting events, while she gets next to nothing, then lies about it.

I warned my kids that if they couldn't be better, then I would remove the influence of the neighbor. It didn't. I explained to the mom that my kids are responsible for their behavior and I am responsible for teaching them how I want them to behave. They are not living up to our standards and have proven themselves incapable of doing what's right when playing with this other child. So, it's over.

The other mom likes to tell me that I scold them too much and that you "have to pick your battles". I choose disrespect as one battle. My children do NOT talk back to me without major consequences. They do not ignore our rules, without major consequences. I told her that she can raise her daughter how she wants, and I'll do the same.

I hate to say it, but I can't stand the child anyway. So rude - without reason, though never when she knows an adult other than her parent is around (something her mom acknowledges)


For instance: Most mornings she drives them in, I pick them up. About once a month on a Friday, we have a "late start" school day... teacher inservice, the kids go in 2 hours late. The morning of the one last month, her daughter knocked on our door at the usual morning time. I told my son to answer it. This is the conversation:

Her (nicely): It's time to go
My son (nicely): No, today's a late start day. Can you play?
Her (nasty): No it's not!
Him: (still nicely, but less so): Yes it is
Her: (louder and nastier): No it's not. You're so stupid!
Him: (loud and nasty): No I'm not!

At this point I stepped out and called out "It IS a late day, Lacee!"

Her (sweet as pie): Okay, Mrs C. I'll let my mom know!

The following week, we had an unexpected late start (due to a local prank). I sent my son over to make sure they knew about a 1/2 hour before they usually leave. I was standing in the garage, hidden from view (smoking) and heard the nastiest as she accused him of trying to make her late for school and called him a bastard. I stepped out and he wasn't saying a word to her - he looked upset as he walked straight over to me and said, "I don't want to play with her ever again."

That was the morning of first conversation with her mom where I learned I think my kids were perfect.

It took everything not to tell her "Compared to yours, yes, they are!"

Thank GOD we're moving next month!

[suzie02]

At age 2 my neighbor's youngest kid decided that she was powerful and could make cars stop. She would wait on the side of the street and as the car approached she crossed the street and made the cars stop. I witnessed this 3 times. Once it was our car. The last time I was talking to the mother and I made the comment "that is S_ new thing". Her response "She is 2". Go figure. I thought I was pointing it out in case she didn't know. BTW she said nothing to her daughter.

[lolagranola]

One of my closest and oldest friends is not a great parent (she had a horrible mother who ultimately lost custody of her, and her husband was raised by older brothers, so neither of them had good parental role models). Her child is a terror.

He has been kicked out of (or asked no to return) to every day care he ever went to, 3 elementary schools, and finally his private JrH suggested they "weren't meeting his needs" and he should try public HS. That is about 7 altogether.

And STILL, she thinks the world has it "in for" her charming son. Our kids are the same age, BTW. Has she EVER volunteered at school? Nope. Has she EVER gone in to observe his behavior at school? She never lets him play with someone again if their parents are the least bit critical of him.

In fifth grade I asked how they were doing with state capitals (this is the year you learn all of the states and capitals). She said she didn't think he was doing them. I suggested she check into it, because it isn't easy, and get a start on it even if he's not yet. I told her how we all learned them with my daughter, and practised in the car. She wasn't interested, she'd rather ***** about the inferior education her precious son is gtting because his teacher hates him.

In truth, I feel very sorry for this kid.