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Old 05-19-2008, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Where the real happy cows reside!
4,281 posts, read 9,468,700 times
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I completely understand that all children are not "angels", but why do some parents actually believe that their child can do no wrong? They blame other children and parents for the faults of their own. They back the lies and defend their actions when to everyone else it is painfully obvious where the problem is coming from. This IMO only isolates the child and creates more turmoil. If my child is caught in a lie or intentionally hurts someone he is reprimanded. Why can't they do the same and why can they not let things go until they get the "justice" they think they deserve or are owed?

Where does this come from and why do some parents do it?
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Old 05-19-2008, 06:11 PM
 
Location: WV
617 posts, read 1,900,087 times
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Admitting that your kid is his/her own problem is admitting that you're not the best parent that ever walked the earth. It's very humbling when your kid is arrested and has to go to rehab for 5 months. It's also an eye-opener. That's what it took to admit that the problem was my kid. Family group therapy at the rehab facility taught me that my kid's mistakes didn't mean I was a bad parent. I know others here would disagree (I've read many comments to that end) but I know the truth. Good parents can (and do) have kids who screw up.
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Old 05-19-2008, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Utah
1,455 posts, read 3,583,178 times
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Yeah, I posted about this a week or so ago ("not my child"!). In fact, one of the kids I wrote about, who said Fyou to an adult, has since had the police show up at school for another incident. Guess it STILL didn't sound like their child!

Quote:
taught me that my kid's mistakes didn't mean I was a bad parent.

No, it doesn't mean that you are a bad parent. Pretending that they don't make a mistake might though! Isn't that what we are complaining about?
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Old 05-19-2008, 08:40 PM
 
Location: WV
617 posts, read 1,900,087 times
Reputation: 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagranola View Post

No, it doesn't mean that you are a bad parent. Pretending that they don't make a mistake might though! Isn't that what we are complaining about?
Yes, in this thread. In another parenting thread, there was quite a bit of parent bashing going on, especially among those whose children are still relatively young. I've got three kids who are adults, two in high school and one in middle school. I've learned a lot over the years and expect to learn a lot more yet.

I didn't respond to the other thread. I'm new to these forums and didn't want to overstep my "newbie" bounds so I just clicked away. It was that thread, though, that I was referring to.
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Old 05-19-2008, 10:16 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,738,727 times
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It is my opinion that many parents today are defined by their chidrens successes and failures, so if confronted with a behavioral issue the parent takes it as a direct personal attack. These are opportunities to work on issues with the child.

Too much child worship going on.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:48 PM
 
Location: Alaska
1,007 posts, read 1,923,757 times
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I agree. Parents do need to hold their children accounatable for their actions. But it does sometimes work out in a direction not expected. Like parents who abuse or neglect their kids, those kids can still turn out to be awesome parents themselves. Or the parents who do everythng "right" and the kid still screws up. In the end a child will decide their own path to take and can make the right and wrong decisions for themselves. All one can do is guide them and let them know they are loved but accountible.
On a personal note my mother in law is a good example of this. She had 4 kids and made them do everything like slaves, especially my husband who is the oldest. She also over disciplined. She did do some things right but alot of wrongs as well. Anyway my husband turned out awesome (of course), but his baby sister was knocked up early and is now a stripper, other brother has a million kids he doesn't even know, and baby brother was into drugs and jail (fortuneately back on track now). Well she figures she did "something" to screw 3 out of 4 up. Now she's raised her grandson from the daughter who go pregnant at 16 and took in a bi-racial child from a lady she use to babysit for. She has since spoiled both of these kids so much that they are rotten. Like they are her kids and her real kids aren't. They are disrespectful, manipulative and mean. We even caught the foster kid in a lie and she covered for her and then bought ber more stuff like as a reward. Literally the kids treat her like crap and she still has the "my kids can do no wrong syndrome". I think she figures she messed things up the first time around now she over spoils them. I don't know why some parents do this, better yet how they can justify it to themselves. Good Luck!
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:52 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,667 posts, read 74,620,384 times
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we can't bear to deny our children the things that we never had, of course that is what made us strong.
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:18 AM
 
2,134 posts, read 3,479,908 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
It is my opinion that many parents today are defined by their chidrens successes and failures, so if confronted with a behavioral issue the parent takes it as a direct personal attack. These are opportunities to work on issues with the child.

Too much child worship going on.
You took the words out of my mouth.

This has always gone on, I guess, just a lot of it going on now. I think it is sad when a parent feels that the kid is an extension of themselves and the parents ego is so fragile that they can't tolerate ANY criticism real or perceived.

Yeah, I've noticed the child worship thing to. I can't stand to see these parents negotiating with a 6 year old. Those kids are going to have a rough time when they get out in the world. They will be shocked to discover the world does not think they are special in any way.
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Old 05-20-2008, 05:28 AM
 
Location: UK
2,579 posts, read 2,178,004 times
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I have noticed that many times parents who don´t accept that their children can do wrong lack ín self criticism and self analysis.
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Old 05-20-2008, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines..
1,939 posts, read 5,602,831 times
Reputation: 794
Many times, being a teacher, I think some kids have dual personalities. They are a completely different child in school. They are sweet attentive angels at home, and they turn to school and act out. Could it be they are smart enough to know, "mom will never believe the teacher if I get caught"..I truly believe some of these parents when they say it's very unlike their child to do such a thing. Luckily, I havent had any horror stories. Sometimes I think kids now a days are too smart for their own good! On the other hand, there ARE those parents that will never admit the thier child was misbehaving. The ones that are defensive and aggressive and feel everyone is out to get their child. THESE I LOATHE!!
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