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Old 10-31-2022, 09:24 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,588,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarianRavenwood View Post
The latest school shooter's excuse is that he didn't have any friends. Since when is not having any friends an excuse to kill people, or yourself?
It's not an excuse, it's a symptom of the bigger problem...autism, PDD and/or sociopathy which all of these shooters seem to have some degree of.
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Old 11-01-2022, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,087,515 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarianRavenwood View Post
Honestly it is unhealthy the way we put so much pressure on ourselves and our children to be popular and have lots of friends. Social media amped this up--always broadcasting how many friends and likes we all have. Compared to 20, 50, 100 years ago, we have much higher expectations about what is considered a 'normal' number of friends. I bet if most of us asked our grandparents, they would say as kids they had only 1 or 2 friends. Studies have recently shown that as many as 60% of people report feeling lonely. But is there some law of the universe that says it is 'normal' that no human being never feels lonely, ever? Does that honestly seem realistic? Should the percentage be 0? Or is perhaps that our expectations and our definition of normal has become skewed, to the point of unhealthy?
I'm an introvert (and I know that there's a lot of navel-gazing about it on the internet) but it was such a relief when I read Susan Cain's book Quiet that there wasn't anything wrong with me, then or now, that I prefer socializing in small doses and with a few trusted people. You watch teen movies and see all the "popular" kids and their huge teen house parties, and everyone who's not there is a big nerd. Did I feel self-conscious as a kid that I had a couple of good friends and wasn't the life of the party? of course. But I'm also glad that my parents never forced me to join groups or do activities that would have made me miserable and resentful.
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Old 12-02-2022, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
23,424 posts, read 13,660,350 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
Just for the record - My kids never had a TV or video games in their bedroom. It was in the living room where they had to interact with family.

If you child doesn't have friends - you

(1) speak to his/her teachers to see if he/she interacts well at school.

(2) ask the teachers for recommendations

(3) test for disabilities to confirm there is no autism or other social disability/issue

(4) ask your child is he/she sad or lonely

(5) depending on the age of your child - in grammar school, ask if you could arrange playdates with classmates. In middle or high school, ask your child what you could do to help.

Finally, you want to help he/she feel connected to the world.

Make family routines that connect you and your child - Monday nights - Chinese food or Wednesdays - board game nights - Fridays - celebrate the weekend with a movie. Plan special weekend activities - trips to the zoo, hikes, or something he/she would be interested. Something that your child could look forward to every weekend.

You want to make sure your child isn't aliened from the entire world and knows he/she is still connected and loved. To avoid this:
Let me jump in here and ask.....what if you already know?

Growing up, I had a speech impairment issue. Spent kindergarten through 3rd grade with a speech therapist.

The element on the table here is that because other kids didn't understand, I was relentlessly teased, called mentally retarded, bullied to pull out my artificial tongue and show them (no my tongue is quite real).....

..........and as such, my social skills are rather different from others.

Now, right or wrong, I turned out martial and perhaps that is my social world.

But there we go......what is the "right social world".......and what isn't? How does one guide a child who is the subject of constant teasing?
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Old 12-04-2022, 12:01 PM
 
Location: USA
8,857 posts, read 5,882,543 times
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Default No Friends? Why That’s Not Necessarily a Bad Thing

People always make a big push to have friends and to see a person who does not seek friends as a sociopath or as a person who needs fixing.

Here's a different perspective as to the benefits of not seeking additional relationships if they do not add to your life.

"If you’re not totally isolated, though, and your lack of friends doesn’t trouble you, it can be perfectly fine to be satisfied with your own company. Being alone doesn’t automatically translate to feelings of loneliness, and it isn’t necessarily a problem in need of fixing.

  • Solitude can promote creativity
  • Solitude can help you see things differently
  • Forced friendships benefit no one
  • Time alone can lead to a better relationship with yourself
  • Fewer social commitments leaves you with more time to pursue your own interests
  • Companionship needs vary from person to person
  • Not everyone has (or needs) a best friend


https://www.healthline.com/health/re...iends#takeaway
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Old 12-08-2022, 04:27 AM
 
Location: My house
7,182 posts, read 3,388,545 times
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i have tried everything with my 13 year old and gave her as much advice as i could. it’s at the point now that i am realizing she might always be a loner. not much i can do about it. she has lots of other issues as well. it’s actually quite sad and we have done our best. i stopped asking if she talks to anyone in school. i never get any answers from her anyway. she sits in her room by herself playing video games (solo, not with others). she never had any interests and we tried to get her into things over the years like sports, musical instruments , dance, art, martial arts, other languages. it’s truly exhausting and i really feel disappointed and sad for her. she is an average student and cares about school performance so at least there is that. so far she has not accomplished anything or expressed an interest in accomplishing anything. no friends, no skills…she is also very apathetic which is why i don’t think she has any friends. she had a boyfriend for a few months and we were so hapoy because she actually had someone to talk to and hang out with. but he got sick of her indifference and broke it off. i really don’t know what to do with her at this point. she is setting herself up for a lonely life. just the other day a family member was sick on their birthday. my youngest was so upset that this person was sick on their birthday and my 13 yr old says to her “why do you care?†this is how she is, very non-emotional. we have been through therapy where she lies to the therapist so that went nowhere. she has been to neurologist and other doctors. she is on antidepressants/anti-anxiety drugs and adderall. without the meds she is insufferable to the point you can’t even have a normal conversation with her and she starts picking at her face. she is very pretty and petite. i buy her clothes/sneakers that teenagers wear, get her eyebrows done, hair highlights so she looks like a normal 13 yr old, but the personality and attitude is just not there. at least she showers and handles her period well. if it was up to her she would look like a homeless child. is what it is i guess.

Last edited by Kristinas_Cap; 12-08-2022 at 04:42 AM..
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Old 12-08-2022, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Kansas
25,578 posts, read 21,753,969 times
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So, we aren't talking about actual children, or a specific age. I have read that the pandemic and shutting children away has taken a toll on the social skills of those children, so that could be a factor, they simply got used to life being out of their room through social media/cell phone.

Otherwise, my older son, extremely bright spent a lot of time in his room, unless he was having family time with us. He was reading though and studying everything. This behavior greatly benefited him, and I would never have forced him to have friends outside of school. He did attend "scouts", and had friends at school. He turned out great, now a younger Colonel in the military. Some people are more solitary than others, I was and it looks like my granddaughter is turning out the same.

Now, there seems to be a desperation to have friends, anybody to call a friend. Well, the wrong friends are worse than none at all.

If the child was exhibiting abnormal behaviors, that would be something else that would need to be attended to, and not by just making friends. I would check with the school counselor to see if there were any issues at school, and I always talked with and knew my kids, so that would be it.

Now, if the person is now an adult, and wants to make themselves a "victim" of a parent not forcing them to make friends, well, that is just a "get over it" problem.

This scenario does not work well unless for a specific child where many details can be looked at.
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Old 12-08-2022, 11:45 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,588,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
So, we aren't talking about actual children, or a specific age. I have read that the pandemic and shutting children away has taken a toll on the social skills of those children, so that could be a factor, they simply got used to life being out of their room through social media/cell phone.

Otherwise, my older son, extremely bright spent a lot of time in his room, unless he was having family time with us. He was reading though and studying everything. This behavior greatly benefited him, and I would never have forced him to have friends outside of school. He did attend "scouts", and had friends at school. He turned out great, now a younger Colonel in the military. Some people are more solitary than others, I was and it looks like my granddaughter is turning out the same.

Now, there seems to be a desperation to have friends, anybody to call a friend. Well, the wrong friends are worse than none at all.

If the child was exhibiting abnormal behaviors, that would be something else that would need to be attended to, and not by just making friends. I would check with the school counselor to see if there were any issues at school, and I always talked with and knew my kids, so that would be it.

Now, if the person is now an adult, and wants to make themselves a "victim" of a parent not forcing them to make friends, well, that is just a "get over it" problem.

This scenario does not work well unless for a specific child where many details can be looked at.
The specific child is actually the OP, rehashing his childhood trauma over his parents giving him grief for never leaving his room, being addicted to the Internet, ignoring his hygiene, and being a useless underage couch potato.

So unfair!!!
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Old 12-08-2022, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Kansas
25,578 posts, read 21,753,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
The specific child is actually the OP, rehashing his childhood trauma over his parents giving him grief for never leaving his room, being addicted to the Internet, ignoring his hygiene, and being a useless underage couch potato.

So unfair!!!
Thank you. I sort of got that feeling. "Victim".
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Old 12-08-2022, 11:57 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,588,549 times
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To absolutely no one's surprise, here is how he turned out. Guess he never listened to his mean parents.

I've never had friends.


I feel like I wasted my youth.

I've had my license for 2 years, but haven't driven since my road test.
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Old 12-09-2022, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Ruston, Louisiana
1,951 posts, read 968,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
Let's say your child had no friends. He or she is always by themselves, they spend a lot of time in their room watching TV, playing video games, or on their cell phone. They don't have anyone to go out or hangout with. How would you respond to that?

Would you criticize them? Would you try to help them?
I would definitely try to find out why they don't have friends from school or the neighborhood to go out and play or hang out with. I would get counseling for them if needed. I will tell you that kids get addicted to "gaming" and if they are online all the time, that is not healthy at all for them. They could be depressed, it could run in your family, a trip to the Doctor for a checkup could reveal something. I would not ever criticize them at all, and yes I would try to help in every way possible.
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