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When we first started dating. I was an authority figure. Then we decided to make me more of a 'friend' to build the bond with the daughter. However, the daughter was told that I'm now just her 'friend' and she now knows I can't/won't/don't do anything to punish her. So, now she really feels like she can do whatever she wants. Previously, when we were dating I would hear her screeching at her mom in the room and I'd bust in the room and be like "nope, not acceptable. You do not talk to your mother that way."
But, I was quickly removed from that role. And to be honest, it was really good for a while. However, now the daughter is taking complete control. She commands her mother around like a servant.
"I can't wipe my own ass!" - Then her mom goes in there and does it
"I can't open this bottle of water!" - Then her mom opens it
"I can't figure out how to turn the light on!" - Then her mom goes and does it
"I can't go to bed without the TV!" - Then her mom gives her her phone that she was grounded from
"I can't go to bed without you in the bed! Can you lay with me?!" - She's actually gotten better at this. But she still barges into our room without knocking 5 times a night between 12am - 5am and wakes us up. Sometimes even just talking at a normal vocal level. Almost like she's trying to wake us up every time.
I just don't understand...
Her daughter literally experiences zero struggle.
She loves the hell out of her kid.
It is what it is.
I have no idea what to do. I love everything about this woman. If soul mates exist, then she's it. No doubt in my mind.
Good luck with your soul mate, then, OP. Most people wouldn't be able to put up with that for very long.
But why is a 7-year-old using such foul language chronically? Where did she pick that up? Has the mom been a single parent for 7 years? When did the child start using foul language; after she started school, perhaps? This is not normal, OP.
But I've seen families, where the kids are allowed to boss the parents around and make demands, and the parents just scurry around to meet the demands. In one family, the kids even addressed the parents by their first names when they did this. It came across like a bizarre reversal of parent-child roles. I only recently found out why that was going on. It turns out there's a parenting book and philosophy about "anti-authoritarian parenting", that advocates letting the child be the boss.
I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.
Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."
She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.
I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"
I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.
I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
I just want to point out the bolded again. Wish your GF could see this.
I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.
Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."
She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.
I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"
I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.
I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
Cut your losses and move on. Woke/PC parenting doesn't work. Look at the news lately, like the past 5-8yrs. All this Woke/PC parenting caused this mess we're dealing with now.
Why? Find out the answer to this question and you'll find out what kind of future, if any, you'll be able to build with your girlfriend and her daughter.
It sounds like you are the physically abusive one, the mom handled it like Dr. Phil recommends, take something away from a misbehaving child they cherish, like their phone, video games, etc. The child apologized, so the situation was diffused. Your way of dealing with the child would have landed you in a jail cell.
Where did he say he actually "backhanded" the girl? He also said that the mother would take things away for the girl only to cave and give them back when the girl had a fit.
Yikes. That's not good parenting in my book. This kid is going to be a teenage monster if this continues.
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Cut your losses and move on. Woke/PC parenting doesn't work. Look at the news lately, like the past 5-8yrs. All this Woke/PC parenting caused this mess we're dealing with now.
