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I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.
Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."
She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.
I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"
I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.
I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
Last edited by xtremenik; 07-21-2022 at 03:19 PM..
I foresee an inability on your part to fit in with this family in the future. Mom and kid are a package deal. Are you sure you're up for the whole package? This does not bode well for the future of you two as an item. How would you feel about being a step-dad who's sidelined when it comes to disciplining or even offering guidance to this child? Would you be able to live with this type of scenario on a daily basis, and just stand passively by, watching a future trainwreck in the making? Or would this be a source of conflict between you and the mom?
If that's what the child is like now, what's she going to be like in her teens? And what does it say about your gf, that she allows that? Where did that behavior even come from in the first place? What's causing that?
There is no manual for parenting. You also pick your spots to be an effective parent. Kids do dumb things everyday. If you punished them for everything they would never be out of trouble. What behavior bothers one parent doesn’t bother another. It’s hard to understand the leeway you give your children when you’re not a parent. It’s a bit like allowing someone you love to have a bad moment without holding it against them. You want to be the boyfriend I suggest you look the other way offer support but no suggestions on how to parent.
You may want to reconsider this relationship. Guarantee you'll be on the losing side of the stick, regardless of how much fun you're having.
"Princess" will always come first, regardless of what she says and does.
Run away while you can, and certainly before she has the chance to ensnare you with the old-as-the-hills pregnancy trap.
I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.
Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."
She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.
I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"
I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.
I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
Get outta there now. Sounds like nothing but trouble.
OP, have you discussed this with your girlfriend? Has she offered any insights into her relationship with her daughter? Personally, I cannot even imagine that kind of backtalk and language. It's not typical mother-daughter relations, that's for sure.
Perhaps even more importantly, have you and your girlfriend talked about what kind of role you would have with her daughter if/when the two of you make some kind of commitment to each other? If you don't want to be a father to her child, then bail out now. And if she doesn't want you to be a father to her child, then bail out now. Because just being a spectator and not wanting, or being allowed, to have a parental role with the child of your girlfriend is untenable in the long run. If both of you want for you to have a parental role, then you two have some serious conversations you need to be having.
I suggest that you don't marry this girlfriend. You really do not want to be stepfather to this child.
I don't believe in backhanding kids but my child would never have gotten that far with the bad manners. I predict that child is going to have a rough time adjusting to the real world.
There is no manual for parenting. You also pick your spots to be an effective parent. Kids do dumb things everyday. If you punished them for everything they would never be out of trouble. What behavior bothers one parent doesn’t bother another. It’s hard to understand the leeway you give your children when you’re not a parent. It’s a bit like allowing someone you love to have a bad moment without holding it against them. You want to be the boyfriend I suggest you look the other way offer support but no suggestions on how to parent.
I suggest this goes further than a 'dumb' thing. Anyone who thinks it's ok for their young child to curse AT them, and not just in front of them (huge distinction), is not an effective parent IMO.
That is the one thing that would had me forced to get my Dad's belt and then having said belt change the color of my backside. Parents should never tolerate this kind of behavior from their child.
As for dating the mom on this case, I would find a way to step away gracefully, because, as others have said, the kid will always come first. Before I got married, friends would ask me "What about <name of woman here>". If that woman had kids, I was just not interested in a relationship. Too many ways to end up bearing the brunt of everyone's anger.
I'm dating a woman with a child and when her 7 year old came home. She rang the doorbell, and the mom spoke through the ring doorbell that the door was open so she can come in herself. Her child sat outside and told her that she wanted her mom to come answer the door. So her child sat on the steps for a couple minutes because she refused to open the door herself.
Eventually after about 10 minutes the child opened the door herself and came in and walked straight up to her mom and said "next time you're gonna answer the ****ing door." I was blownnnnn away that she spoke to her mom like that. Then her mom just told her she can't talk to her like that and made threats of taking the phone away for the day. Then her mom said "apologize" then her kid said (in obviously empty words) "I apologize."
She asked her "what would you like your punishment to be?" The child said "nothing", and then that was the end of it. Then, LITERALLY, five minutes later her mom offers her an ice cream cone, and let's her just watch tv while she sits on the couch eating it.
I am not the father and I don't have any kids, but am I wrong for thinking to myself...."uhhh how the hell do you let your kid talk to you like that?"
I mean, if that was my kid she would have gotten back handed before she ever finished that sentence.
I feel like the mother (my girlfriend) is rewarding that kind of behavior and she's going to grow into a monster when she gets older. And her child has absolutely no respect for her. She never punishes her. She never follows through on threats/punishments. I feel like this is also going to damage our relationship.
Can somebody please explain to me what is going on with my girlfriend and her daughter? I mean, I don't have kids so that's why I reached out on this forum. Because I dunno, maybe every 7 year old tells their parents "you better ****ing do this" nowadays?
Ummm...I would suggest running. Your girlfriend has no clue how to raise a child. Get out now. For your own sake.
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