U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-27-2008, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,899,241 times
Reputation: 1896

Advertisements

Looking for advice... as always....

We recently had new neighbors move in. They seem to be a really nice family.
Our children are in between the ages of theirs and have played together a few times now since they have moved in.
One problem.... their children seem to be a little rough when playing.

A few times I have witnessed their youngest just hitting for no reason, and slammed my oldest on the side of her head with a plastic toy truck. Sent my child into a complete meltdown and she did have a red mark on her face the rest of the day, so I know she got hit pretty hard.
The mom was watching and honestly just didn't react.
There has already been hitting,pushing and sand throwing and then last night, their youngest ran over my youngest foot with the big wheel!
It was again obviously done on purpose and for no reason (not that any reason would be justified to do this).
My poor little one went into the house screaming and the mom proceeded to say "gosh, I didn't think that he ran over it that hard?" and kind of laughed it off with no repremandment for her child at all.
I again, just kind of stunned, didn't really say anything except, " I think it is time for us to go in now".

My kids have now said that they don't want to play with these kids and I am not sure if I should approach our neighbors about it or not. They are new and seem to have just eased themself into the neighborhood setting with all the families and having cook-outs ,etc... already. I don't want to be the "bad neighbor" and just not sure how to handle it.
Again,they seem like really nice people but their kids obviously rule the house.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-27-2008, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,839,397 times
Reputation: 1905
Sounds like my neighbor's kids. They are bullies. My daughter decided she didn't want to play with them. I never forced her. Talking to the parents is a waste of time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,054,517 times
Reputation: 39670
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Looking for advice... as always....

We recently had new neighbors move in. They seem to be a really nice family.
Our children are in between the ages of theirs and have played together a few times now since they have moved in.
One problem.... their children seem to be a little rough when playing.

A few times I have witnessed their youngest just hitting for no reason, and slammed my oldest on the side of her head with a plastic toy truck. Sent my child into a complete meltdown and she did have a red mark on her face the rest of the day, so I know she got hit pretty hard.
The mom was watching and honestly just didn't react.
There has already been hitting,pushing and sand throwing and then last night, their youngest ran over my youngest foot with the big wheel!
It was again obviously done on purpose and for no reason (not that any reason would be justified to do this).
My poor little one went into the house screaming and the mom proceeded to say "gosh, I didn't think that he ran over it that hard?" and kind of laughed it off with no repremandment for her child at all.
I again, just kind of stunned, didn't really say anything except, " I think it is time for us to go in now".

My kids have now said that they don't want to play with these kids and I am not sure if I should approach our neighbors about it or not. They are new and seem to have just eased themself into the neighborhood setting with all the families and having cook-outs ,etc... already. I don't want to be the "bad neighbor" and just not sure how to handle it.
Again,they seem like really nice people but their kids obviously rule the house.
I would lead by example. You have to firmly speak up and tell these kids when they do something inappropriate "we don't do that when we play". Don't yell at them or try to discipline them yourself, just continue to bring attention to the fact that certain things are unacceptable. Make sure to state that if such and such happens again they will have to go home and/or your kids won't be allowed to play with them for the rest of the day. Tell them firmly and matter of factly, maybe tomorrow you will remember the rules and we can try to get together to play again. Believe me, this will most likely be a shock to them (and their parents) but if you do it right (no anger) they will learn from you

Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,014 posts, read 20,514,746 times
Reputation: 20369
I have a nephew like that. I will not let my gkids be alone with him because one of them will get hurt EVERY time and I mean EVERY time. Its always i didnt do it, i didnt mean to, it was an accident. Ive witnessed him knock the crap out of his bro. then deny it. Just be honest and tell the parents your kids dont want to play because her kids are to rough.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee, WI
603 posts, read 2,052,647 times
Reputation: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
Sounds like my neighbor's kids. They are bullies. My daughter decided she didn't want to play with them. I never forced her. Talking to the parents is a waste of time.
Yep, the kids will decide who they want to play with. You can be friendly and neighborly without having your kids be friends. I agree, some parents just don't seem to care if their kids are bullies. Eventually they will figure it out when their kids don't get invited to play, birthday parties, sleep overs...talking to the parents usually doesn't work. You do have the right, however, to enforce your house rules if the kids are over: no pushing, no hitting, take turns, no foul language, etc. Just be direct, matter of fact (vs. angry, sarcastic, apologetic) and even if the mom is there it won't be offensive. It will be good modeling for her and maybe she'll get the hint. Also, when the kids are over playing, make sure you're supervising very closely. And if you can't supervise (i.e., you're making dinner) just send them home and tell them it's not a good time to play. If they don't respond to your house rules, send them home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,463,484 times
Reputation: 1706
My kids don't have to fear the neighbor kids. They are more of a danger to themselves and to each other.

But if I were in a situation like that I would not hesitate to get on the rough kids' case. If their mommy didn't like it then she should take her kids inside. That's unacceptable for her to stand by and let that happen and then brush it off like it's no big deal.

I would be absolutely mortified if my kids hurt another child. And if they did it on purpose I would first make them apologize and then I would wear their a$$es out. No questions asked.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 04:16 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
I like Loves' advice, as that is exactly how I handled things w/ our unruly neighbor's kids when my son was small. These kids also screamed and yelled in the house, wh/ I simply never allowed. I always said "That is an outside voice. We are inside. We use inside voices." Amazingly, the kids would respond and after three times of saying this, the kids never yelled again. I also employed Loves' techniques of "we don't play this way - if we get rough - then we have to quit and you have to go home." It worked. Now, there was one child I simply had to ban from my house. He was destructive, sneaky and out of control, even w/ his parents. Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down, but I would at least give the "soft" approach a chance (but not for long!!! if they are bullies - you have no choice but separate the kids).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 04:35 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,466,206 times
Reputation: 4430
If it were me, I'd work it where the other kids came to my house for awhile and then I'd be teaching them my rules while they were there so they'd learn better behavior around me and my kids.

Personally I don't have a problem quietly stepping in with other people's kids when they are being too rough with my own. I've even been known to walk the child over to their parents and relate what went on and leave them to deal with the child (or not) while I dealt with mine. If they get upset, then too darn bad. I'm not about to stand there and let my child get hurt due to some other parent's lack of discipline.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 04:44 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
If it were me, I'd work it where the other kids came to my house for awhile and then I'd be teaching them my rules while they were there so they'd learn better behavior around me and my kids.

Personally I don't have a problem quietly stepping in with other people's kids when they are being too rough with my own. I've even been known to walk the child over to their parents and relate what went on and leave them to deal with the child (or not) while I dealt with mine. If they get upset, then too darn bad. I'm not about to stand there and let my child get hurt due to some other parent's lack of discipline.
Good for you!!! I also think it teaches children that they will be held responsible for their behavior when it is confronted, as long as it is done in a very matter of fact way. Also, your children need to know that they are not to just "take" abuse from others and that there are consequences to being a bully (or even - being thoughtless). This is how kids learn to socialize! Intervening when things are going too far . . .and then taking the child to the parent to deal with . . . nothing wrong w/ that, especially if done in the right spirit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2008, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,299 posts, read 20,550,720 times
Reputation: 20164
My son's BF when they were little started acting out like that. I talked to the mother and like other poster's have said; it did no good. I tried giving the firm "we don't do that to our friends" to the little girl, but nothing changed. Because of this we eventually grew apart.

While you want to help your children deal with bullies you don't want them to think they 'have' to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top