12 yr old, talks like man, acts like 2

[denverian]

Sounds like Arnold was never disciplined when younger, which allowed him to turn into a monster. This seems so typical of kids these days. Teaching discipline starts as soon as they start grabbing at things they shouldn't touch. If you put in the work and tough love when they're young, you shouldn't have such issues at age 12. Of course it's a little late for that now, and it's not your fault. It'll be tougher to undo a lifetime with now discipline at this point, but from what I've heard, it can be done.

[keeperk]

This sure brings to mind of how I blame my mother for my daughter being so out of control now in her 20's.
I would give my daughter little chores when young, just to teach her to pitch in. My mother would run and do it for her. So I'd give her another chore, there runs my mom, over and over. By the end of the day my mother would ask me to stop giving chores as she was tired! Why did I give my daughter so much work!
I said I'll keep passing out the chores until she's allowed to do one! They were little chores like get the coffee ready for grandma so it will be on for her in the morning. Give the dog some water.

If I diciplined my daughter, my mother would coddle her and give her 10X what I would take away. Tell her to just wait, her mom would come to her senses and I just over react. So to be in trouble for my daughter meant a little pain from mom, but it was worth it in the end because it meant christmas from grandma!

My daughter got in her teen years and got into gothic clothes which perpetuated the attitude. I was sick of the new nasty attitude so I threw all her gothics away. Of course my mother snuck all of it out of the trash, washed the clothes and gave them back to her with money to make her feel better. Told her to just wait for her mom to come to her senses.

My mother has always created havoc in our lives by taking away dicipline and making it like christmas for her if I diciplined her.
Now my daughter is living with my mother. Mom says it's hell over there. She just can't understand why my daughter won't get a job and become responsible.
I said why should she? You give her money, tires, money, anything she wants, and if she kicks and screams long enough you give her more money. She's just learned it's easier to just kick and scream for money than it is to get out of bed in the morning like the rest of us and go to work. She's free to sleep all day, eat out all the time because it's too much work to cook something, party with friends, and sleep some more. My mother would do her high school work for her too by the way. I think my daughter is illiterate but graduated.

She's learned to manipulate and throw tantrums to get what she wants. She has no life skills, no coping skills & has a baby that I raise. She's never had to earn one thing in her life or face a consequence. She's a spoiled, selfish brat now in her 20's just wreaking havoc on our lives.

I had a friend who coddled her boys. She stayed home and her husband worked. The boys were at least 5 or so and she still cleaned them after the bathroom. The little boy would sit on the pot and yell for mommy or daddy to clean him. The parents were not in agreement of course. Dad says he's old enough and mom says not. So one day the dad went to the bathroom. He sat there and started calling for his son. Nickyy, Nickyy come here! The little boy went in, what daddy, he said, I need you to clean my butt. Of course his son was big eyed. His daddy said, well mommy cleans your butt, shouldn't you clean mine? Lets trade favors. That put an end to the butt cleaning. A few short years later the mom died of a flu she caught in Greece visiting his family. It was shocking. I always wondered how those boys managed as she did EVERYTHING for them. She was the center of their universe. Luckily they have a loving dad very involved in their lives.

The girlfriend is not teaching her son responsibility and life basic life skills. I tried to teach that to my kids so they could cope in the adult world. I lost with my daughter, but I'm working on my son w/o my mother's intervention.
She tries to throw him cash and he won't take it unless he knows he actually earned it.

The above poster Sirron is right on. My daughter can't fill out an application, has no idea what a W-2 is and has late bills coming in to ruin her credit over a student loan, she's clueless and don't care.

[fierce_flawless]

Mom needs to stop, NOW.

And I agree with other posters.. this didn't get this way overnight. The child was coddled and given in to and that's what he expects.

I don't know the whole history but this is probably also an attempt for attention from his mom. If this might be the case, she should definitely try to spend some time with him ONE ON ONE and see if things get better. Regardless, as long as she gives in he will continue!

I have 2 boys and I've vowed to raise "good spouses"... meaning neither of my boys will ever expect anyone to 'wait on them'.

It seems pretty simple to me. If he doesn't get his own drink, he is thirsty. If he wants to sleep on the couch, he'll do so without blankets. And so on.

He needs to learn NOW that what happens at his Dad's has no bearing on what happens at mom's house.

I suspect mom is coddling out of guilt.. but this is only hurting her son and helping him grow into a person full of a sense of entitlement.

We actually don't have that strict of a household but everyone chips in, everyone does for themselves (drinks, clothes in the bathroom, whatever) and refusal to do their share results in loss of priveleges.

It's really unfair, if you think about it, to tolerate behavior at home then get mad and spank him later. It's inconsistent. Does she want him growing up thinking women are for the purpose of "serving" him? I'm sure she doesn't!

[keeperk]

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Does she want him growing up thinking women are for the purpose of "serving" him? I'm sure she doesn't!

I found the courage to leave my X(son's dad) with exactly that.
I didn't want my son to grow up thinking women were servants and to be treated like dogs, and I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking it was ok to be treated like that.

I'm teaching my son to do his laundry, cook, earn his dollars and too to be a good spouse.

I used to give him money very young to go in and rent a movie once in awhile. He'd go in, couldn't reach the counter but he'd pick out his movie and pay. I'm like man! That's expensive! I told him, you know? You're going to have to earn the money if you want to keep renting movies. $5.00 of mine he'd get 1 movie and I'd barely get any change.

So he earned $5.00 and I took him to the video shop. He was probably 5 or 6. He came back to the car with 4 movies and a couple of dollars back! I said how the heck did you do that? He said, well mother. Tuesday is dollar day and buy one get one free day. So I picked out the movies so I could get more and money back. I said you mean there is a buy one get one free day??? and you can get one for a dollar???? He said well yes. I asked why didn't you do that before? He said because it wasn't his money.
Damn! I was impressed!

[Huckleberry3911948]

get some counseling help. lack of could be damaging to arnold no trip to disneyland for you either. young males need to establish pecking order. seems to not be working here.
unless there is intervention arnold might leave this family with distorted concepts.