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I was a very good (A) student until about midway through 10th grade, when I got bored. Started cutting classes. Grabbed the mail before Mom could. I didn't manage to flunk out, but I quit early in my junior year and went to work full time. Scheduled and took the GED as soon as I was able. Went ahead and lived as a productive member of society.
I wasn't into drugs, I wasn't hanging with the wrong crowd. I just didn't feel like they were teaching me anything at that point. Looking back, I think anything mom (or dad) might've done to force me to stay in school may have led to overt rebelling on my part. On some level I regret that I left, but quite honestly, it really never adversely affected me.
As a parent myself, I'm not at all sure how I would've handled me. I know at least one of my children probably felt the same way I did, but stuck with it, and eventually went to college.
I was a very good (A) student until about midway through 10th grade, when I got bored. Started cutting classes. Grabbed the mail before Mom could. I didn't manage to flunk out, but I quit early in my junior year and went to work full time. Scheduled and took the GED as soon as I was able. Went ahead and lived as a productive member of society.
I wasn't into drugs, I wasn't hanging with the wrong crowd. I just didn't feel like they were teaching me anything at that point. Looking back, I think anything mom (or dad) might've done to force me to stay in school may have led to overt rebelling on my part. On some level I regret that I left, but quite honestly, it really never adversely affected me.
As a parent myself, I'm not at all sure how I would've handled me. I know at least one of my children probably felt the same way I did, but stuck with it, and eventually went to college.
Very interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing that. I also worry that my -forcing- him to do his homework may lead to more rebellious behavior. It definitely is having an impact on our relationship. But my job is to be his father, not his friend. I make sure I tell him that I love him every day as he walks out the front door for school. I don't get a response, but oh well.
I think you are going to have to attach him completing his schoolwork (voluntarily) to the only thing you say he does care about: video games.
1) Take all the video games away. Take his phone. Take his computer. Take his gaming system. Anything he can use to play games on, take it away. Do not give it back after a day. Do not give it back after a week. He is failing all his classes with 25%? Ridiculous. He hands in blank sheets of paper? Ridiculous.
2) The only way he earns his gaming stuff back is after his first report card comes in with grades that are B's in all his classes or better. You step back. You stop going over his work. You stop checking up. You don't need to do this for him. He will either light a fire under his own rear end or he won't. I agree with the others that it sounds like he has a video game addiction. If he gets a report card with all B's or better he gets his video games back. You then monitor his grades. The minute he starts getting zeros again, you take the electronics and video games back.
For the people who are saying he should go into the military... the armed forces are not interested in students who are flunking all their classes and are unmotivated to do anything but play video games.
Think about how this current behavior plays out 2 or 3 years down the line. Or 5 or 10 years down the line. Do you want him still living at home, still addicted to video games, with you still funding his lifestyle, with him not paying for anything, working minimum wage jobs and unable to pay rent for a room anywhere because he's never had to think about making anything of himself? If all he cares about is video games, then he needs a reality check now.
I think you are going to have to attach him completing his schoolwork (voluntarily) to the only thing you say he does care about: video games.
1) Take all the video games away. Take his phone. Take his computer. Take his gaming system. Anything he can use to play games on, take it away. Do not give it back after a day. Do not give it back after a week. He is failing all his classes with 25%? Ridiculous. He hands in blank sheets of paper? Ridiculous.
2) The only way he earns his gaming stuff back is after his first report card comes in with grades that are B's in all his classes or better. You step back. You stop going over his work. You stop checking up. You don't need to do this for him. He will either light a fire under his own rear end or he won't. I agree with the others that it sounds like he has a video game addiction. If he gets a report card with all B's or better he gets his video games back. You then monitor his grades. The minute he starts getting zeros again, you take the electronics and video games back.
For the people who are saying he should go into the military... the armed forces are not interested in students who are flunking all their classes and are unmotivated to do anything but play video games.
Think about how this current behavior plays out 2 or 3 years down the line. Or 5 or 10 years down the line. Do you want him still living at home, still addicted to video games, with you still funding his lifestyle, with him not paying for anything, working minimum wage jobs and unable to pay rent for a room anywhere because he's never had to think about making anything of himself? If all he cares about is video games, then he needs a reality check now.
So, here is the dilemma. We don't know how this kid was doing academically before the SHTF grade wise in his Junior year. I am going to guess that he has been a slacker for a while although that might not be accurate. If he has been slacking for a long time, then he may not have the ability to pass his classes. Obviously, if you never learn Algebra 1, you aren't going to miraculously do well in Algebra 2 because math is cumulative. If you rarely picked up a book and blew off writing assignments throughout elementary, middle and your Freshman and Sophomore year of HS, you are not going to be able to do Junior level work. Getting a 25% in a class goes beyond simply not turning your homework in, it means that you are severely bombing tests and quizzes, too, assuming that you are even showing up to take them at all.
That doesn't mean that the kid is stupid. You just can't know what you do not know. Is it appropriate to punish him if he is academically misplaced even if his overall poor attitude towards school played a big role in him being academically misplaced?
This kid is in what should have been his senior year of HS. He will be 18 soon if he is not 18 already. No way should he quit his job now. That appears to be the one productive thing that he is doing right now. He will need a job history.
I would sit down and have a serious talk with him and his guidance counselor.
Last edited by springfieldva; 11-29-2022 at 10:14 AM..
I think you are going to have to attach him completing his schoolwork (voluntarily) to the only thing you say he does care about: video games.
1) Take all the video games away. Take his phone. Take his computer. Take his gaming system. Anything he can use to play games on, take it away. Do not give it back after a day. Do not give it back after a week. He is failing all his classes with 25%? Ridiculous. He hands in blank sheets of paper? Ridiculous.
2) The only way he earns his gaming stuff back is after his first report card comes in with grades that are B's in all his classes or better. You step back. You stop going over his work. You stop checking up. You don't need to do this for him. He will either light a fire under his own rear end or he won't. I agree with the others that it sounds like he has a video game addiction. If he gets a report card with all B's or better he gets his video games back. You then monitor his grades. The minute he starts getting zeros again, you take the electronics and video games back.
For the people who are saying he should go into the military... the armed forces are not interested in students who are flunking all their classes and are unmotivated to do anything but play video games.
Think about how this current behavior plays out 2 or 3 years down the line. Or 5 or 10 years down the line. Do you want him still living at home, still addicted to video games, with you still funding his lifestyle, with him not paying for anything, working minimum wage jobs and unable to pay rent for a room anywhere because he's never had to think about making anything of himself? If all he cares about is video games, then he needs a reality check now.
I'm sorry. I must have missed it. Where in your post did you answer the question I posed to the forum. As a reminder, it was not "How should I discipline my son and/or motivate him to do his homework.". I asked, "To what extent do you participate in your high-schooler's homework?".
So, here is the dilemma. We don't know how this kid was doing academically before the SHTF grade wise in his Junior year.
And that was by design. As I have stated numerous times, I'm not looking for advice on how should I discipline my son and/or motivate him to do his homework. I'm taking a poll to determine to what extent parents participate in their high-schooler's homework.
And that was by design. As I have stated numerous times, I'm not looking for advice on how should I discipline my son and/or motivate him to do his homework. I'm taking a poll to determine to what extent parents participate in their high-schooler's homework.
You also gave a lot of extraneous information about the battles you are having with your kid, his obsession with video games, his failed semester of HS resulting in his driver's license being taken away.
I think all of those details sort of confuse the issue at hand. So you are getting extraneous advice instead of people simply answering the poll.
You also gave a lot of extraneous information about the battles you are having with your kid, his obsession with video games, his failed semester of HS resulting in his driver's license being taken away.
I think all of those details sort of confuse the issue at hand. So you are getting extraneous advice instead of people simply answering the poll.
Yes. You are right. I thought that giving some background info would provide context for why I am asking the question. Unfortunately I cannot go back and edit my original post to remove the extraneous info.
Yes. You are right. I thought that giving some background info would provide context for why I am asking the question. Unfortunately I cannot go back and edit my original post to remove the extraneous info.
I think, as his dad, that you have the full context of the situation. We don't. I can tell you how I handled homework with my own kids when they were in HS but I don't know how helpful that would be to you. My kids were college bound and they had to learn to stay on top of things for themselves. I gave them little nudges here and there and I asked them regularly how things were going. But by junior year they were more or less doing it all on their own.
Had one of them been struggling and/or putting video games before homework then I probably would have stepped in and made sure that they had a dedicated study time, at the kitchen table with no distractions.
That age can be hard because they think they know everything and that their parents are the dumbest people on the planet. This too shall pass.
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