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I'm at a loss and advice I've had from family hasn't helped at all. My 3.5 year old daughter has been at potty training for about 3 months with no success, we've tried pretty much app approaches but can't get her to initiate any times she's on the toilet. We've had doctors visits but are still having multiple accidents a day.
Preschool have asked she move into a lower group where they can have her in diapers and want her in them for preschool with the accidents she's having.
What should I do here, has anyone had a 3.5 year old back in diapers or should I stick it out and pull out of preschool for now?
Any help and advice on if we should take a pause or carry on would be really helpful, thank you
I feel for you. Some kids are SOOOO easy to train, and others...not so much. My oldest son was the easiest to train in the world I think. He had one accident ever, and that was because we couldn't get to a bathroom fast enough.
My second son...Ai yi yi! He was 4 before he was reliably able to stay dry.
Just based on what you've told us so far...If you CAN pull your daughter out of preschool, and train her at home (I'd use pull-ups) that's what I'd do. That way, she's under your watchful eye. When she eats or drinks, just have her sit on the potty as a matter of habit, 15 to 20 minutes later. If she produces something, reward her with a jelly bean, or a fruit snack. If she doesn't produce anything, just say "OK. Maybe next time." and both of you go about your business, no muss, no fuss.
If we pulled out of preschool we'd have to have it for a short time whilst seeking an alternative, we are fortunate enough to be able to afford some 1:1 childcare and teaching , but I work from home and whilst I'll be there to look after her as the job is supportive, I won't be able to dedicate time to full on potty training. We've had another chat with preschool today as she had two accidents where they couldn't give her warning. So next week we'll have to send her in diapers or pull ups otherwise they can't offer full support. Unfortunately there aren't enough staff to support those in process of learning which is a shame as it's a good preschool
I've not bought any pull ups or diapers today but despite watching her and regular reminders she still had one more accident at home. We do use them at night but only the night time specific ones.
It's also reassuring to hear some still might not get it at this age, did you use pull ups with your son who struggled?
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Why do you sense she hasn't learned how to use the toilet? Does it appear she doesn't want to - gets too busy with what she's doing to take time out to use the bathroom? She somehow isn't yet able to feel that she needs to go? Is she relishing the extra attention she gets from having "accidents"?
3.5 is pretty old. This is just my opinion and I know plenty of people will disagree, but my experience from potty training my own three kids and several other people's kids (that I used to babysit), by that age the diaper habit is pretty entrenched. It's actually easier when they're 2 to 2.5. But that doesn't help you now.
I don't like pullups and never used them, except at night for an older toddler. They are just like a diaper and delay training. The child needs to have regular underwear and to feel wet.
My instinct is to pull her from preschool and keep her home, but keep the at-home experience as boring as possible. Instead of constantly taking her to the potty and giving her lots of attention, detach a little. Make her want to go back so she can play with her friends, but tell her she can't until she doesn't need diapers and uses the potty all the time. At 3.5, it really shouldn't take more than a few days to potty train if she is motivated.
If we pulled out of preschool we'd have to have it for a short time whilst seeking an alternative, we are fortunate enough to be able to afford some 1:1 childcare and teaching , but I work from home and whilst I'll be there to look after her as the job is supportive, I won't be able to dedicate time to full on potty training. We've had another chat with preschool today as she had two accidents where they couldn't give her warning. So next week we'll have to send her in diapers or pull ups otherwise they can't offer full support. Unfortunately there aren't enough staff to support those in process of learning which is a shame as it's a good preschool
I've not bought any pull ups or diapers today but despite watching her and regular reminders she still had one more accident at home. We do use them at night but only the night time specific ones.
It's also reassuring to hear some still might not get it at this age, did you use pull ups with your son who struggled?
After 3 months it's time to try something different. It sounds like the apps you're using are making you responsible for getting her to sit on a potty chair or toilet at certain time intervals. The goal really is that she learns to do this herself when she needs to do so.
I used the book, "Toilet Training in a Day," sometimes called the Azrin-Foxx method, with my kids at 2.5 years old. My son was trained in a day. My daughter, my first child, within a couple of days. Both with no accidents of either kind after that time.
Basically you spend an entire day focused only on potty training. There is lots and lots of practice and positive reinforcement for the child. A doll is used to demonstrate and for the child to "teach" the doll. Kids learn the full routine including pulling pants on and off, wiping and washing hands. And no day time pull-ups because they are more difficult for children to get on/off. My kids and I shopped for training pants and "big kid" underwear a few days before training.
The next few days you reinforce the training as needed.
Although the method is intended for day time training, it carried over to night time for my kids. My son didn't need a night time pull-up after a week or so. My daughter was done with them at night within a month.
Why do you sense she hasn't learned how to use the toilet? Does it appear she doesn't want to - gets too busy with what she's doing to take time out to use the bathroom? She somehow isn't yet able to feel that she needs to go? Is she relishing the extra attention she gets from having "accidents"?
Hi Clara, she's been on the potty a few times, but it's always at the hint of us taking her rhee at regular intervals and occasionally she'll wee. I don't know if us doing this has caused a learned behaviour. She doesn't get excited until we celebrate thay she's gone on the potty, so I don't know how much she feels the urge. We don't make a big deal out of accidents so I don't think it's the last one.
We tried visiting doctors but they don't even see it as a problem to even start looking at until 4 which when she needs to be trained for preschool is not helpful
After 3 months it's time to try something different. It sounds like the apps you're using are making you responsible for getting her to sit on a potty chair or toilet at certain time intervals. The goal really is that she learns to do this herself when she needs to do so.
I used the book, "Toilet Training in a Day," sometimes called the Azrin-Foxx method, with my kids at 2.5 years old. My son was trained in a day. My daughter, my first child, within a couple of days. Both with no accidents of either kind after that time.
Basically you spend an entire day focused only on potty training. There is lots and lots of practice and positive reinforcement for the child. A doll is used to demonstrate and for the child to "teach" the doll. Kids learn the full routine including pulling pants on and off, wiping and washing hands. And no day time pull-ups because they are more difficult for children to get on/off. My kids and I shopped for training pants and "big kid" underwear a few days before training.
The next few days you reinforce the training as needed.
Although the method is intended for day time training, it carried over to night time for my kids. My son didn't need a night time pull-up after a week or so. My daughter was done with them at night within a month.
Thank you! We tried this approach demonstrating all this, but we were pantless, we've not used a pull up in the last 2 months at all as I didn't want to go back She was great with using the dolly to demonstrate the actions and new how to go on the potty but she never had the urge to go and sit without our time reminders. She'd repeat all the actions but sometimes wouldn't go and then have an accident shortly after
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