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Old 11-23-2023, 09:21 PM
 
16,890 posts, read 16,154,381 times
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This is your husband's son so he is going to be in your life whether you like him or not.

If you ever host them again take advantage of a premade dinner that your husband can pick up from the store, bring home and pop into the oven.
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Old 11-23-2023, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Crooked Pennsylvania
1,146 posts, read 548,149 times
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Sometimes for the sake of "harmony" gritting one's teeth for a couple of days is worth it..
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Old 11-23-2023, 09:53 PM
 
6,692 posts, read 4,672,802 times
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Holidays are absolutely the worst time to travel. Add that to not liking Thanksgiving, one wonders why they were invited for Thanksgiving. Why wouldn't a non holiday visit work better? Something to consider for the future. As for the son, consider him your husband's problem. I'd be inventing some emergency that took me away for the next couple of days. Or, flat out saying I didn't need to be listening to all their arguing. Let them all fend for themselves - they are adults. If the son and his wife, who has probably been told you are evil, don't like you, there's no point in going to amy effort on their behalf. Let your husband deal with them.
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Old 11-23-2023, 11:31 PM
 
2,234 posts, read 1,631,772 times
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Did your DH invite them for T’giving or did they announce they were coming themselves?

If they dislike the holiday, that would be the end of visits for T’giving. I mean, what is the point if they just choose to argue, complain and be generally unpleasant guests? A big holiday dinner is just too much work and effort for those who do not appreciate the company and camaraderie that comes with it.

Personally I would not be disrespected in my own home. Maybe in the future DH can fly to visit them alone outside of a holiday. Are DH’s former wife plus his son both poisoning the well in this situation concerning their treatment of you? Too bad about the little boy - children can absorb love from many adults in their life but it seems like they don’t want you to be considered “family”.
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Old 11-24-2023, 05:48 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,947 posts, read 20,906,769 times
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If it were me... I'd withhold judging the DIL based on one visit. Maybe this was her first holiday away from Seattle? Maybe she is just quiet and feeling pulled between her husbands wants and her own?
Ditto on the child too, HE isn't the one who said he didn't need another grandmother. He is still your grandson by marriage, just as she is your DIL.
Things with them might change with enough time and more familiarity, or not, but rushing to judgment after one visit and writing them off doesn't seem like it helps matters at all.

Sounds like the real problem is with your stepson.
Why IS he coming to your home for a holiday if it's not a celebration he enjoys or approves of? Why does he seem so hostile towards you? Is this something you and your husband have discussed? Has he talked to his son about whatever bothers him about you? Why is he so disrespectful as to bring up topics his dad specifically asked not to discuss, does he not get along with his dad either? These are the things I'd focus on and try to understand first.
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Old 11-24-2023, 08:58 AM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,869 posts, read 32,134,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
If it were me... I'd withhold judging the DIL based on one visit. Maybe this was her first holiday away from Seattle? Maybe she is just quiet and feeling pulled between her husbands wants and her own?
Ditto on the child too, HE isn't the one who said he didn't need another grandmother. He is still your grandson by marriage, just as she is your DIL.
Things with them might change with enough time and more familiarity, or not, but rushing to judgment after one visit and writing them off doesn't seem like it helps matters at all.

Sounds like the real problem is with your stepson.
Why IS he coming to your home for a holiday if it's not a celebration he enjoys or approves of? Why does he seem so hostile towards you? Is this something you and your husband have discussed? Has he talked to his son about whatever bothers him about you? Why is he so disrespectful as to bring up topics his dad specifically asked not to discuss, does he not get along with his dad either? These are the things I'd focus on and try to understand first.
I would agree about my husband's daughter in law. If I see her again, I will still try. However, she comes with stepson. I am not his mother so I can't be his wife's mother-in-law.

DH did not invite them. They invited themselves. I really could not say no, he doesn't enjoy his son's company, but he feels guilty about that.

I am upset that Jon lied to DH about his ability not to discuss the "horrors of Thanksgiving" or explain to us how we should feel about the Middle East.

Good times...

What doesn't he like about me? It really isn't personal. He just told his father not to get married until he was out of the house. Or else. Two women before me listened and ran.

Now is sounds like they are going to Cleveland for the day and want to spend the night in a hotel with a view of the Lake Erie and enjoy some time in the parks!
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Old 11-24-2023, 09:04 AM
 
8,688 posts, read 4,926,382 times
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You were miserable, they were miserable...why suffer. I would just face time them, online. Everyone could then enjoy the rest of the holiday.
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Old 11-24-2023, 09:05 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
14,799 posts, read 11,943,405 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
My husband's son, his wife, and their 4-year-old son came for Thanksgiving. They live in Seattle. My son is at his fiancée's home in Vermont, and our daughter, and ICU nurse, is working.

His son is on disability for psychiatric issues. His wife is a fourth-grade teacher. The little boy is not my grandson by blood or any other way. He told me he has "too many grandmothers and he doesn't need me". He doesn't seem to like me, so sadly, I miss the joy of having a child in the house.

DH warned Jon not to discuss politics, (in particular, the situation in the middle east) or Thanksgiving, and why we should not celebrate it.

Apparently, the wife was given the message not to be friendly to me also. And she appears to follow orders. I never met her until Tuesday. I thought she might be a nice person. She is either very quiet or has been warned that no one takes the place of my stepson's mother.

I asked her and her son if they wanted to bake with me, and she told me that she didn't like Thanksgiving. Or baking. I also asked her if she wanted to help with the sides, and she said no. She went out to buy sweet potatoes for all three of them and frozen broccoli, because broccoli is the only vegetable Jon eats.

They are having no trouble eating the organic turkey that we bought from Whole Foods, either.

Right now, I hear another political argument emanating from downstairs.

What would you do?

That's a tough spot to be in, I feel for you. Well, I'm mean, so in your shoes with that perspective I'd figure this is the last time they get invited to your house for Thanksgiving, or any holiday for that matter. If they're that crappy to you as your guests, I'd figure they won't miss the invite in the future- they'd rather eat sweet potatoes and frozen broccoli elsewhere, and buy their own organic turkey, then they won't have to worry about tolerating your company as you extend your hospitality to them.
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Old 11-24-2023, 09:13 AM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,869 posts, read 32,134,743 times
Reputation: 67731
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4 View Post
Did your DH invite them for T’giving or did they announce they were coming themselves?

If they dislike the holiday, that would be the end of visits for T’giving. I mean, what is the point if they just choose to argue, complain and be generally unpleasant guests? A big holiday dinner is just too much work and effort for those who do not appreciate the company and camaraderie that comes with it.

Personally I would not be disrespected in my own home. Maybe in the future DH can fly to visit them alone outside of a holiday. Are DH’s former wife plus his son both poisoning the well in this situation concerning their treatment of you? Too bad about the little boy - children can absorb love from many adults in their life but it seems like they don’t want you to be considered “family”.
The first wife died. That changes thing. My stepson's mother's family always spoke negatively about me after DH and I married. Actually, throughout our engagement. They continue to speak negatively about us.

Also, the son is mentally ill. He doesn't hear voices, etc., but he is very intense, he's always right, he talks a lot. He can be arrogant and abrasive. He's also a good liar.

I see right through him, and he hates it. My husband wants to believe him.

I have to stay out of it.
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Old 11-24-2023, 09:29 AM
 
16,890 posts, read 16,154,381 times
Reputation: 28124
You could always downsize into a 5th wheeler in a mobile home park. If you don't have room for them to stay, they'll have to get themselves a hotel room.
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