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Old 06-03-2008, 10:28 PM
 
213 posts, read 595,321 times
Reputation: 172

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Ok, here is the situation. I have a friend who only comes around when she wants me to do her a favor. She is married with two kids and i am single with one. In the beginning we used to hang out keep each other's kids and have fun, however after a while she seemed kind of distant and didn't want to hang out with me as much. Then one day she asked me to hang out with her. I did, and when I dropped her off at her house she called me and said her husband fussed at her and made it clear that he didn't like me and we couldn't hang out anymore. I was upset, but i respected his wishes and didn't call anymore. We went a few months without talking and then she came by out of the blue one day to ask me would i babysit. i said " didn't your husband ban you from hanging out with me" her response was " oh I don't care about what he says" so i said "I wasn't sure but i would let her know" She ended up finding someone else to keep them.
So after that i hadn't heard from her in a few weeks then today she showed up at my house unexpectly again and asked me would I keep her son saturday and sunday from 8am till 6pm so she could get some overtime at her job. I said i would think about it.
Am i wrong to fell like i'm being used.
From the many conversations we've had in the past this is what i know ( her husband doesn't work, has left her three times for four months total, doesn't watch her kids, is never at home and cusses and yells at her every chance he gets). But i feel like she is depending on everyone else to take up for his slack. And honestly I am tired of it.
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Old 06-03-2008, 10:39 PM
 
3,413 posts, read 6,306,940 times
Reputation: 1409
Quote:
Originally Posted by sincere1782 View Post
Ok, here is the situation. I have a friend who only comes around when she wants me to do her a favor. She is married with two kids and i am single with one. In the beginning we used to hang out keep each other's kids and have fun, however after a while she seemed kind of distant and didn't want to hang out with me as much. Then one day she asked me to hang out with her. I did, and when I dropped her off at her house she called me and said her husband fussed at her and made it clear that he didn't like me and we couldn't hang out anymore. I was upset, but i respected his wishes and didn't call anymore. We went a few months without talking and then she came by out of the blue one day to ask me would i babysit. i said " didn't your husband ban you from hanging out with me" her response was " oh I don't care about what he says" so i said "I wasn't sure but i would let her know" She ended up finding someone else to keep them.
So after that i hadn't heard from her in a few weeks then today she showed up at my house unexpectly again and asked me would I keep her son saturday and sunday from 8am till 6pm so she could get some overtime at her job. I said i would think about it.
Am i wrong to fell like i'm being used.
From the many conversations we've had in the past this is what i know ( her husband doesn't work, has left her three times for four months total, doesn't watch her kids, is never at home and cusses and yells at her every chance he gets). But i feel like she is depending on everyone else to take up for his slack. And honestly I am tired of it.
She sounds like she is full of crap. She doesn't care what her husband says when she needs you to babysit but she cared enough to tell you that he doesn't like you. What kind of crap is that?
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:26 AM
 
4,899 posts, read 16,226,707 times
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i agree with Laysayfair completely--she is a USER! just say no and save yourself a lot of grief.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:43 AM
 
Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,527,998 times
Reputation: 261
I agree ... you need to set boundaries with her. If she is interested in you only when she needs help, she is using you.

Plus, by bailing her out, you are enabling her and her husband to continue their dysfunctional relationship.
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Old 06-04-2008, 07:48 AM
 
947 posts, read 2,779,463 times
Reputation: 721
I have a friend who does this (I use the term loosely) always calls or comes by a copule of days before she needs me to watch her kid. The whole times she's visiting she's talking about what great weekends she has with her husband and then gets around to complaining she can't get her housework done. A few days later she asks if she can leave her son with me so she can get her shopping done.

Then I don't hear from her again and then she'll want to visit and a couple of days later asks the same thing, can I watch her son. So annoying. So lately I've said no and she doesn't even come for a visit anymore. Oh Well.
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Old 06-04-2008, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,444,832 times
Reputation: 1706
Sounds like she is dealing with some domestic abuse.

But not much excuse for asking you to watch her kids out of the blue.

We have some neighbors who have two girls ages 10 and 9. For the last 5 years we've lived there they would send them over to play at our house so they could go out grocery shopping, to the movies, to play bingo, etc. We picked up on it after a while. The thing was we didn't feel right just dumping our own kids off on them so we could do the same. I suppose we could have so it would have been mutual 'using'. Some may call it trading favors I suppose.
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Old 06-04-2008, 04:31 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,204,143 times
Reputation: 1837
I would drop her. I have learned to spot people like that(users). Ever since becoming a stay at home mom I have had a hard time finding friends. In my "need" for friends, I have been used plenty of times so I have grown to spot them. They just call when they need something or when it is convenient for them, forget it, move on and don't look back. Good luck!
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Old 06-04-2008, 09:09 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,177,434 times
Reputation: 7378
Get rid of her! Call her back, tell her you are not able to watch her children but you would LOVE to get together and have some drinks...see what she says. Odds are, she will not have "time".

She is using you, honey! Let her husband watch the kids so she can get overtime in at work.
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:39 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,886 posts, read 65,149,393 times
Reputation: 22269
I used to "feel sorry" for people even tho I knew they were using me, LOL. They seemed so desperate for help and I hated to turn them down, but I always came away from the experiences feeling used, abused and generally - just totally bummed out. So it occurred to me one day that real friendships should not leave a person feeling empty and used! So my criteria from that day forward has been - does this person bring joy into my life? Or does the mere sound of her voice on the phone give me a feeling of impending doom? LOL!!! Sounds so simple . . . but I was raised to always "be there" for anyone that needed help . . . took me a while to figure out I was actually setting myself up to be a doormat for the type of people who latch on to "givers." You will feel a lot better if you just mark this person off your list.

Last edited by brokensky; 06-05-2008 at 08:40 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,614,525 times
Reputation: 1208
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
I used to "feel sorry" for people even tho I knew they were using me, LOL. They seemed so desperate for help and I hated to turn them down, but I always came away from the experiences feeling used, abused and generally - just totally bummed out. So it occurred to me one day that real friendships should not leave a person feeling empty and used! So my criteria from that day forward has been - does this person bring joy into my life? Or does the mere sound of her voice on the phone give me a feeling of impending doom? LOL!!! Sounds so simple . . . but I was raised to always "be there" for anyone that needed help . . . took me a while to figure out I was actually setting myself up to be a doormat for the type of people who latch on to "givers." You will feel a lot better if you just mark this person off your list.
Goodness, you sound just like me, Anifani! And you're right, once learned learn the skill of culling out the takers, I felt much better about my (very short) friends list. I still get "taken" occasionally, but the relationships don't last long, thank goodness.
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