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Old 06-10-2008, 10:51 AM
 
29 posts, read 104,008 times
Reputation: 22

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Thanks to everyone for your support and words of wisdom. I cannot agree more with all of you and it reinforces my insticts on how to handle this. To use the measure, we wouldn't let neighbors, friends or strangers treat our children this way, why should we let our family do so - is so true. I think we all make pardons for well "it's family" and this then would happen over and over.

The funny thing is that this visit from her was never discussed with us - she just told us - "I'm coming to town". I don't like to be dictated to as an adult and I made myself and my children unavailable to them during the visit. I already know she says awful things about her DIL (me) and doesn't like me at all. It will never change. So, it's sad that she is doing the same thing to our kids.

They came back last weekend (again not invited) and called our home several times to see when they could come by to visit with the kids (my husband was out of town). I just let the machine take their calls. They sat at their hotel for 2 days and then when my husband returned he called them to let them know they could come by for dinner 5-7pm. They were on better behavior, but we were on guard for any nasty comments.

It's sad since my husband and I are the only ones who have given them grandchildren. They throw in our face how my SIL (my husbands sister) and her husband dote all over their other neices and nephews take them to disney world and give their nephews gifts at the holidays. They did not send our son anything - we don't care - so what but don't throw in our face what you do for others. It's none of our buisness.

A month ago when my son turned 2 they came out for his birthday. The SIL just rolled her eyes at my son the whole time (she doesn't have kids) and of course then my IL started to roll their eyes at my son too. They also came to the party without a present or card for him. We thought it was strange. I stay at home and my husband makes 1/10th of what they earn - we shop at thrift and consignment shops for clothes and toys (something they could never dream of).

Instead of coming by to give our son attention after his sister was born, they were at their hotel bar and pool drinking and playing golf and going to the spa. While I sat at home taking care of the 2 kids while my husband worked. They then would stop by at 6 when my husband came home, looking to have "happy hour" at my house, sipping their wine, rolling their eyes at our son as he almost knocks over their wine glass, while I'm sewating it out playing with him, feeding the baby and getting them dinner, baths, diapers and ready for bed etc.

I think their from another planet - right? The the one called selfish.
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Old 06-13-2008, 07:47 PM
 
335 posts, read 930,410 times
Reputation: 140
[quote=pumkin;4054198]Thanks to everyone for your support and words of wisdom. I cannot agree more with all of you and it reinforces my insticts on how to handle this. To use the measure, we wouldn't let neighbors, friends or strangers treat our children this way, why should we let our family do so - is so true. I think we all make pardons for well "it's family" and this then would happen over and over.

The funny thing is that this visit from her was never discussed with us - she just told us - "I'm coming to town". I don't like to be dictated to as an adult and I made myself and my children unavailable to them during the visit. I already know she says awful things about her DIL (me) and doesn't like me at all. It will never change. So, it's sad that she is doing the same thing to our kids.

They came back last weekend (again not invited) and called our home several times to see when they could come by to visit with the kids (my husband was out of town). I just let the machine take their calls. They sat at their hotel for 2 days and then when my husband returned he called them to let them know they could come by for dinner 5-7pm. They were on better behavior, but we were on guard for any nasty comments.

It's sad since my husband and I are the only ones who have given them grandchildren. They throw in our face how my SIL (my husbands sister) and her husband dote all over their other neices and nephews take them to disney world and give their nephews gifts at the holidays. They did not send our son anything - we don't care - so what but don't throw in our face what you do for others. It's none of our buisness.

A month ago when my son turned 2 they came out for his birthday. The SIL just rolled her eyes at my son the whole time (she doesn't have kids) and of course then my IL started to roll their eyes at my son too. They also came to the party without a present or card for him. We thought it was strange. I stay at home and my husband makes 1/10th of what they earn - we shop at thrift and consignment shops for clothes and toys (something they could never dream of).

Instead of coming by to give our son attention after his sister was born, they were at their hotel bar and pool drinking and playing golf and going to the spa. While I sat at home taking care of the 2 kids while my husband worked. They then would stop by at 6 when my husband came home, looking to have "happy hour" at my house, sipping their wine, rolling their eyes at our son as he almost knocks over their wine glass, while I'm sewating it out playing with him, feeding the baby and getting them dinner, baths, diapers and ready for bed etc.

I think their from another planet - right? The the one called selfish.[/quote]
No I think they come from another planet called crassitis.
That was a disgusting little story you shared with all of us! The nerve to pop into town, ask when they could see their grandchildren, show up and then roll their eyes the whole time! I am disgusted at them rolling their eyes at the baby (your son) when he almost spilled their wine! Uggg, they should have been more occupied making sure the baby was okay.
And I am sorry but your sister in law? Does not have any children and rolls her eyes at your son but good enough around kids to buy the others gifts?
And lmao at you letting the machine pick up the calls from your inlaws! Good girl!
The next time you see any of them rolling their eyes, laugh jokingly and tell them "You should not make that a habit your eyes might get stuck"
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Old 06-15-2008, 07:46 AM
Status: "Finally Done With C-D BYE BYE" (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: LEAVING CD
22,947 posts, read 21,424,846 times
Reputation: 15430
My wifes grandmother,uncle and aunt act about the same way your IL's do. Her other great grandkids were always (in their opinions) more talented,better behaved,did better in school, looked better etc which they threw in our face every time we went there or they came here. They'd make snide comments right to his face, constantly desparage his other grandparents and critisize us constantly to the point of putting my wife in tears. We tolerated it for about 1 year after we moved here and then I put my foot down and said that was it.
We've not seen them for about 2 years now except in passing at the store where we just nod to each other and keep walking, they only live 10 miles away and life is much more peacful without them.
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Old 10-02-2008, 08:00 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,141 times
Reputation: 10
Default What I did When that Happened to me.

I explain to the children what they're feeling and why and do it in front of MIL so she gets it too. If she takes offense, oh well, these are your kids and maybe she needs to learn a thing or 2.

I would talk to the child and address his feelings (loudly and in front of MIL), "I know that you feel hurt because your sister has the attention (or has said whatever). You don't have to act like that. I love you."... or something like that...

...that inadvertently let's MIL know why he's acting like that (and it's not acting out but a direct result of what was said to him or around him) and it also let's your child know you get it and are on their side.

good luck. i've been there. hugs
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Old 10-02-2008, 08:11 PM
 
697 posts, read 1,773,327 times
Reputation: 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by allforcats View Post

We teach people how to treat us -- by how we allow them to treat us.
She watches Dr. Pheeel. Or at least reads his books.
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Old 10-02-2008, 08:17 PM
 
697 posts, read 1,773,327 times
Reputation: 361
My daughter thinks her grandmother is the only one in the world who doesn't like a grandchild. SHE WAS WRONG. I'm glad we're not alone in this.
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Old 10-02-2008, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 2,845,108 times
Reputation: 498
Thumbs up Start the War

I am 42, have raised a 23 year old and a 19 year old, and am starting again with a 6 mos. old. My mil from my first marriage was an angel and I miss her dearly. My mil now LIVES WITH US and it is a nightmare.

First, your husband needs to stand up and back you up. You should not have to face the brunt of this alone. If he refuses to do this or is just quiet, it starts there. You need to find out his issues and get on the same page.

Once you and your husband are united, decide how you will handle it. Will he 'reprimand' his mom for every comment, or will you call them as you see them, too? STAND TOGETHER.

Do not allow this to go on another moment, and until you and your husband have things squared away, I suggest some space between grandma and the kids. Make up whatever excuse you like, or simply get in the car and leave - so you have no need to fib about not being available. Your son will catch on real quick and right now may not have much response, but wait til he gets older - if it does not stop. My oldest son caught the brunt of my parent's divorce as a small child and he now 'hates' his grandfather. My father is paying the price for his childish behaviour (which, by the way is how your mil is acting, and she too will pay a price one day), but it has left a scar on my son that cannot be undone.

If your husband will not speak up, but tells you to go ahead, then do it. Choose your words carefully, pray much, and let the chips fall where they may. I had to confront my mil about her cigarette smoke in the house the other day, and it was not pleasant. It resulted in her running behind my back like a child to my husband and 'tattling', but he backed me up. I had to take a valium after the confrontation and I prayed constantly as I knew what what was coming, but I got through it. Sometimes you just have to do it.

I believe I am my child's only and best advocate. I have no choice but to ruffle feathers if necessary because they cannot always defend themselves. Adults, especially grandparents, should have enough love for the CHILDREN not to act as a toddler themselves, but many do not. I think these people are the ones who always gossiped and started trouble in school and just carried it over into adulthood. lol! The play ground bully grows up...

Anyway, talk to your husband, make a decision and start the fight. You may get lucky and mil doesn't realize what she is doing (highly unlikely) but you never know.

You can do this, and you have to. We are 'Mother Warriors' on more than one front, afterall. (Jenny McCarthy's new book - I am dying to read regarding Autism - but I like the term.)

Prayers for you,
Kimmiey
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Old 10-03-2008, 05:32 AM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 524,476 times
Reputation: 83
My mother in law dosent even care about my 2 daughtler she just cares about her self and she shows her favartism to the ones who she has control over. that is sister inlaw kids. she dont go out and get them anything for christmas or for brithdays she will do that for her other grandchilern she has also tried to breakup our marriage and really talk bad about me behind my back . weve been married for closed to 10 years now and she is now finelly getting it though her head that her trying to break us up isnt going to work and it because my husband dont anything to do with her so . what i would do is talk to your husband tell him how you feel about how she treat your kids . your mother in law is being rude to your childern and as a mother you want this to stop she got to learn to be more reaspectful to her grandchildern.
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Old 10-03-2008, 05:37 AM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 524,476 times
Reputation: 83
also i would we got to the point we dont have our kids their grandma anymore so if it comes to that point tell your husband to talk to her and tell if dosnt your childern this way she wont be allowed around her grandchildern.
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Old 10-03-2008, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Michigan
859 posts, read 1,856,418 times
Reputation: 458
from my first marriege his *parent* live in the same hillbilly town as we do maybe 10 minutes apart, after Husband died they *played8 the big caring Game, but it let off FAST.
They could not stop by on the way from church ( drove right by our house!!) could not come to Cross country meets, or anything the Kids were involved in.
I re-married to a NICE guy who also even invited them to OUR wedding hoping THEY would start being more of a Grandparent... nop.
This went on for a good 2 years ...... then SHE got mad at me cause I put my foot down. I explained to her 2 weeks bfore the Kids birthday party that we were having a party at the Rolle rink only for the Kids friends and THEN on the foloowing weekend we would have the Family over.

NOP not her she crashed the Party, and bringing her card over ( only after she saw us at the roller rink , we saw her PULL IN and out!!)
So my Son at that time 13 told her Grandma our party is for the kids only next week is the one for the Family. SHE started her CRYING , and DEMANDED to speak to me ( I was inside tending to FOOD!) SO I send my Husband out there,,,it took him 15 minutes to come back in..... and he told me that she was calling me everthing but a white women, and how I cheated on her beloved Son, and only want money and trying to split the Kids and her up"
I asked what did you say back? he said: Well thats FUNNY, He beat Jas, he cheated on her more then once and we HAVE proof, and the kids were mentally abused by him,,,he was a Liar and a user even YOU told me that when we first met! And how glad you were that jas found a good guy this time"
I about died laughing......
I then called her on her Cell phone told her she is now not allowed on our proberty untill she apoligized! She did this 2 weeks later scribbelt on a notepaper that it was NOT her fault but rather Lukes ( son) for telling her to go Home. And that Mike provoked her !But she is apoligizing anyway for whatever I guess. ( her words!)

This note was dropped off by her friend who told me that SHE wasnt comming by because I told her she would be trespassing, but if I tried to call her she would not have answered because somone broke into her car taking ONLY the cell phone . I told her well thats funny then how did she know she was not allowed on the proberty ???????? Guess what her jaw dropped because she knew now that it was just another LIE.

Have not seen her or him sense then, been nice and quiet

they are Christian fanatics ( kid you not there are crosses, and pictures of Jesus everywhere) and ALWAYS want to appear as the MOST caring, and helpfull.... they are busy being a *christian Warrior" that there house STINKS to HIGH heavens and everyone comes before the Family ( always been this way)

BTW I am from the devil she told my Husband ...and VERY evil so please be careful how you talk to me, cause I cant guarantee anything/
rofl>!!!!!!!

People always told me " wow you was married to THEIR son how long? Putting up with this"?
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