How to handle family?

[vergla]

my husband family is nuts too

Originally Posted by Jasmin71

from my first marriege his *parent* live in the same hillbilly town as we do maybe 10 minutes apart, after Husband died they *played8 the big caring Game, but it let off FAST.
They could not stop by on the way from church ( drove right by our house!!) could not come to Cross country meets, or anything the Kids were involved in.
I re-married to a NICE guy who also even invited them to OUR wedding hoping THEY would start being more of a Grandparent... nop.
This went on for a good 2 years ...... then SHE got mad at me cause I put my foot down. I explained to her 2 weeks bfore the Kids birthday party that we were having a party at the Rolle rink only for the Kids friends and THEN on the foloowing weekend we would have the Family over.

NOP not her she crashed the Party, and bringing her card over ( only after she saw us at the roller rink , we saw her PULL IN and out!!)
So my Son at that time 13 told her Grandma our party is for the kids only next week is the one for the Family. SHE started her CRYING , and DEMANDED to speak to me ( I was inside tending to FOOD!) SO I send my Husband out there,,,it took him 15 minutes to come back in..... and he told me that she was calling me everthing but a white women, and how I cheated on her beloved Son, and only want money and trying to split the Kids and her up"
I asked what did you say back? he said: Well thats FUNNY, He beat Jas, he cheated on her more then once and we HAVE proof, and the kids were mentally abused by him,,,he was a Liar and a user even YOU told me that when we first met! And how glad you were that jas found a good guy this time"
I about died laughing......
I then called her on her Cell phone told her she is now not allowed on our proberty untill she apoligized! She did this 2 weeks later scribbelt on a notepaper that it was NOT her fault but rather Lukes ( son) for telling her to go Home. And that Mike provoked her !But she is apoligizing anyway for whatever I guess. ( her words!)

This note was dropped off by her friend who told me that SHE wasnt comming by because I told her she would be trespassing, but if I tried to call her she would not have answered because somone broke into her car taking ONLY the cell phone . I told her well thats funny then how did she know she was not allowed on the proberty ???????? Guess what her jaw dropped because she knew now that it was just another LIE.

Have not seen her or him sense then, been nice and quiet

they are Christian fanatics ( kid you not there are crosses, and pictures of Jesus everywhere) and ALWAYS want to appear as the MOST caring, and helpfull.... they are busy being a *christian Warrior" that there house STINKS to HIGH heavens and everyone comes before the Family ( always been this way)

BTW I am from the devil she told my Husband ...and VERY evil so please be careful how you talk to me, cause I cant guarantee anything/
rofl>!!!!!!!

People always told me " wow you was married to THEIR son how long? Putting up with this"?

[nuala]

So many people told here that it's the husband who has to stand up to his parents. And they are so right!!! I couldn't agree more.

I've always been perplexed reading topics written by women about problems with in-laws, and their husbands were somewhere in the background, very muted or reluctant.

Now I have a son. The closeness that he has with me is so much greater than the my closeness with my daughter. I can easily see my daughter leaving home, going places, and I can't envision the same for my son. I don't know if all mothers and sons have the same. The bond is greater than anything I had in my life.

I am aware though that his life in the future should be his life. I am controlling myself to not become a one whole with him. But I can easily see how it may happen to mothers-sons who are not aware of that. Not just "mommy's boys", but normal men have troble saying something against mothers, even if they clearly can see the harm they do.

I'm not trying to deflect the responsibility that men/husbands should carry. Just my side observation on why it's so hard for men, why they leave their wives/kids to suffer until some blow up point.

[veuvegirl]

Originally Posted by pumkin

How do you manage critical inlaws? My childrens' grandparents are particularly judgemental and critical. I have 5 month old daughter and last weekend when they were visiting my MIL called her a "heifer" and fat (she is 14 pounds!! like come on!). She even named an overweight classmate my husband grew up with and said she was going to be like her - "an overweight and burly girl". I also have a 2 year old son, who is very active, likes to jump, run, climb and not much of a talker - he talks and says 100 words but not on command - as my inlaws would like. He clams up when they ask him questions. At dinner time, the most stressful time with 2 small children they called my family a "circus" and my MIL was teasing my son with his new sister (he adores her). She is doing everything she can to taunt him and make him yearn for attention as she is showering it on our daughter. This is destructive and causes a temper tantrum and more stress for us right at dinner, bath, bedtime. She ignores him and only will pay attention to our daughter. We are very careful to distribute our attention to both and usually he is very sweet around his sister but not when his grandmother is around. She is pressing his buttons to get "control" of the situation and it is deeply saddening to see her torture him like that.

How do you manage destructive grandparents? My MIL is not exhibiting compassionate behavor toward my son and also calling my daughter names, but the next minute using her as a pawn to get to my son. It's really sad. I don't want to start a war with them, but I feel the situation should be managed better by us. Any thoughts?

My mom is the same way. I finally sat her down and talked to her and let her know how she was making me feel. Nothing changed, but I felt better!

[kimmieyky]

Isn't family wonderful? As I was reading the last few posts, my mil came home form the store - knowing the baby is sleeping, and began banging and clanging around the kitchen, smashing a bag of ice on the floor to break it up, and slamming the cabinet doors. Would love to open my mouth, but would really rather open the door and show her the way out!

What would we do without them, except live in peace...

[DreamingOfSouthDakota]

My mother tries to tell me and my wife how to do things with our daughter, at first i ignored her and then it got to the point where i just flat out told her to shut up and mind her own buisness. We know what she wants and when she wants or needs it, my father is no better he makes fun of aryana when she starts fussing or screaming he does it right along with her, making her do it more and stressing my pregnant wife out.Joy Joy we are stuck here for at least 2 more years. I am in college so not much we can do.

[dvcgal]

If my mil treated my children poorly, I would not even care about what my dh had to say, she (mil) would be sleeping at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn on her next visit! No way, no how would she have the courtesy of sleeping under my roof!