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Old 06-08-2008, 06:06 AM
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,062,066 times
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Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
In elementary school.

By high school they have to learn to take responsibility for themselves. Get a 0 because the work wasn't turned in? Too bad. Maybe the next time you should do it before deadline. Flunk a test? Maybe you should have studied harder (or at all). We found pulling back and letting our kids (particularly our second) take responsibility was very helpful. She couldn't blame us b/c the work wasn't done, etc. It's hard to switch from the above to the next phase, but you have to.

I think what the parents need to do in high school is give them a place and time to study, and support what they are doing. Attend the conferences, even if they seem like a waste of time, which they often did. Attend the concerts and the sporting events.
Yes, I agree with this. Children need lots of parental involvement when they are young, but parents need to teach their kids how to study on their own and back off by the high school level. I remember when I went away to college, it was amazing how many kids flunked out after the first year because they never learned study skills and personal responsibility without Mommy there holding their hand and making them study and go to class. Better to start teaching them this in high school so college isn't such a shock.
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Old 06-08-2008, 10:39 AM
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I homeschool my children, so I am 100% aware of what is going on academically, socially, nutritionally, etc. (My kids are 7 and 5... I realize that I won't be 100% aware as they grow older and have more time away from me!)

I would think that the minimum acceptable level of parental involvement (as far as education goes) would be to check your young child's backpack daily, have some form of contact with the child's teacher perhaps monthly at least, etc. Older children might not need as much "hands on" involvement, but you should at least be checking grades periodically so that report card grades are not a surprise, and stepping in to help the child figure out solutions if/when grades start to drop. High school students need to be held responsible for themselves, and should be able to manage their time and schoolwork with minimal intervention, though parents should definitely be available to help/offer solutions as needed.
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:37 PM
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,960 posts, read 98,795,031 times
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First of all to mrshvo: of course there are consequences, e.g. grounding and the like. But you don't hound them: "do you have any homework?", etc. It is safe to assume that most nights they do have hw. My kids weren't real social, so it wasn't an issue of going out during the week. We did have a rule about no tv until the homework was done. The one who had the hardest time with that was my husband! But he learned to go watch it in our bedroom, and to close the door. At the high school age, the school consequences are a little more weighty, too. Your grade can be reduced for too many tardies. Apparently within the last 3 yrs (my youngest graduated in 2005), our district can require community service for too many absences. You can be "benched" in a sport for failing grades, and risk the ire of the entire team. The grades become important as college entrance looms nearby.

To DD70: the "no secrets" policy will become a thing of the past as your son gets older. Trust me on this one. Even my child who told me "everything" didn't really tell me everything. But do keep the dialogue going. You will still learn a lot.

Last edited by Katarina Witt; 06-08-2008 at 01:37 PM.. Reason: remove quote
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Old 06-08-2008, 03:36 PM
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Very good examples. I would just add that, IMHO, parental involvement in a two-parent home should entail both parents. I live in a career-oriented city and one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the limited involvement I see from one or both parents. Involvement is not limited to providing "material things" to a child. I think that in the long-term, a child will remember and appreciate more the things he/she did with the parent(s) socially or things he/she learned from them.
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