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Old 06-14-2008, 09:03 AM
Location: New Mexico
631 posts, read 2,104,535 times
Reputation: 325


Perhaps it's not a good situation at his house on weekends and your home could be his safe haven. Who knows.
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Old 06-14-2008, 12:18 PM
3,084 posts, read 6,463,911 times
Reputation: 4430
I'd say it all depends on what many others have already posted. Does he make it difficult to have him at your house, or does it enhance both his and your son's time? Does she reciprocate enough to balance it out to your satisfaction?

Remember that you can only be used if you allow yourself to be used. If you are feeling that way, then you have to take steps to change it. There are many ways to do this, both friendly and unfriendly, so you just have to decide what kind of fall out you want to deal with.

For instance, you can start saying no more often than yes and see what happens. Or you can start dropping your son off at her house more often. Or perhaps you can even tell her that you are starting a babysitting business and you'd love for her to use you every weekend for $50/night.

Then again, it might be best to just sit her down and talk openly about how you are feeling and see what kind of conversation it brings.
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Old 06-14-2008, 05:51 PM
Location: here and there
1,177 posts, read 416,621 times
Reputation: 146
I want to thank everyone for taking time and giving me some of your insight and advice about this issue.
I don't know why but the whole situation just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
When I was a kid growing up we always had friends stay over and vice versa but, my parents always told me, "don't invite yourself over to someone's house. you have to wait to be invited".
So I guess I just feel a bit frustrated by the whole thing. And when the boy does call and ask and I have given an answer, which is "NO" he continues to nag my son. He usually doesn't take "no" for an answer and my son has literally come to me and said "he wants to know why he can't stay" and things like that.
Then it makes me mad at the parents and I think "don't they tell their child that, that is rude behavior?"
And then when she drove him over to the house to ask to spend the night,
I thought "guess not"
I know that everyone has different views on the issue but, this is just how I feel.
I've been by the house quite a few times and I know that my son is not his only friend and it also looks like his home life isn't so bad, but maybe I don't know.
Again, I appreciate everyones advice and look forward to hearing some more feedback!
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Old 06-14-2008, 06:43 PM
6,585 posts, read 22,378,491 times
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If you want him over say yes, if you don't want him over, say no.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:24 PM
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,861 posts, read 4,553,436 times
Reputation: 1932
A couple of other posters alluded to this, but is it possible that something not so good is going on at home? Is one (or possibly both) of the parents a heavy drinker/alcoholic? Could domestic abuse be going on? Could the child himself possibly be abused? A desperate child might behave like this one is right now. It's also possible that the mother wants him out of the house for these reasons, but is too ashamed to tell you about it.

It might be worth sitting the boy down and gently inquiring whether something is going on at home that is upsetting him. He might open up to you because he obviously feels comfortable in your home.

Just something to think about...
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:28 PM
431 posts, read 1,481,637 times
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i would say that the next time that he calls tell your son that you have family plans that night or early the next morning but maybe another night. I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:39 PM
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,837,600 times
Reputation: 1905
Since we are talking of an only child he may also be used to get his way. So the parents just do what he wants. Your son may not even want him in your house so much so you will have to be the "bad" one. Set a new house rule "sleep overs only once a month" or something like that.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:48 PM
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,539,012 times
Reputation: 20153
It is an awful situation to be in; especially when the two boys are good friends. It sounds like your son's friend has a good time when he comes over, so much so he wants to come every weekend.

Empower your son with some reasons for no when the boy calls that the both of you can be comfortable. I like Suzie's suggestion that he can only have one sleepover a month, that may work!
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:49 PM
Status: "Finally Done With C-D BYE BYE" (set 12 days ago)
Location: LEAVING CD
22,947 posts, read 21,467,425 times
Reputation: 15430
Now that you've explained a little more I may have an idea of what's going on. It's possible the parents are unaware that their child is bugging y'all so much and when the parent drove the kid over it could very well be that the parent was told something other than what you know to be true. Our son who has ADHD and other issues used to do this without our knowledge or consent and a couple of times had me drive him to a friends house and when we got there after going to the door came back and said something like "he got in trouble and can't play".
We were friends enough with the parents that we finally found out what's going on and after being embarrassed put the kabosh on it.

Although he's 16 I still am told by my brother that he's been bugging his cousins on the phone and I have to tell him to knock it off.
I'd say talk to the parents and explain what's going on, leave them a way to save face by telling them "I'm sure you weren't aware this is going on and I'm worried he's going to drive away friends if this continues and I'd hate to see that happen to such a wonderful boy".
(please try to keep a straight face while saying this as it loses impact otherwise).
Good luck, it seems like friendly communication is in order here...
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Old 06-14-2008, 10:33 PM
335 posts, read 931,186 times
Reputation: 140
I do not know if this situation falls under bad manners..perhaps rude and selfish but I do not know enough about the situation.
When I was growing up my parents were very overprotective over me and my sister and we were never allowed to spend the night over friends homes, with this said I grew up thinking it was normal that friends came to my home.
Several friends came over every morning to eat breakfast at my home because their mothers worked and mine did not and she liked it this way, she always felt bad that they were latch-key children and felt bad for them.
Now that I am a mother myself I tend to be the same way as my mother with the exception that I work however seldom does a weekend go by that my house isnt full of children (unless my son is with his dad). I can understand your frustration everybody is different, have you tried to speak with the child about homelife? I know one child whom is very close to my son is always wanting to come over and stay the night and so forth and he has stated that his mom is a single mom and usually wrapped up in his sisters cheerleading and does not have too much time for anything else and rarely takes them anywhere.
I have taken tie to get to know the mom and realized that she does have alot on her plate aside from working f/t she also cares for an elderlty woman (to make ends meet) she receives no assistance from the childrens father and never has since the children were very little. I tend to feel bad for her because I know she does not have extra money to do anything and very little help with childcare. The child is pleasant, polite and very respectful therefore I do not see him being at my home an issue.
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