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Old 06-15-2008, 07:33 PM
 
56 posts, read 144,923 times
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I currently live in Harrisburg PA. But am seriously concidering moving back to New York. I have a 9 year old daughter. And really miss New York. We had a good life there. But not sure if it is fair to uproot my daughter now and move. I can afford it. And I am not happy here. Can anyone offer any thoughts on the pro and cons of moving from a small city back to a larger one? I was an actress. So I miss all the arty stuff etc. Any thoughts?
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Old 06-15-2008, 07:39 PM
 
56 posts, read 144,923 times
Reputation: 19
Default Big City vs Small town


I currently live in Harrisburg PA. But am seriously concidering moving back to New York. I have a 9 year old daughter. And really miss New York. We had a good life there. But not sure if it is fair to uproot my daughter now and move. I can afford it. And I am not happy here. Can anyone offer any thoughts on the pro and cons of moving from a small city back to a larger one? I was an actress. So I miss all the arty stuff etc. Any thoughts?
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Old 06-15-2008, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 3,004,732 times
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Big question: what do you think is best for your daughter?

How old was she when you moved to Harrisburg? Has she begun to establish her own identity there (friendship circles, school, scouts, teams etc.)? How flexible is she? Does she adapt to change easily? Doe she miss NYC?

Is it just the two of you? Can you give her a good life in NYC? As good as what you have in Harrisburg? or will you have to cut back in lifestyle to cover expense differences? Do you worry that she may not be as worldly in Harrisburg as she would be in NYC?

You may miss the hustle and bustle of the city but it may or may not be a good change for her. You have to consider her in this decision. You're an adult. You can make the compromises better than she can. If you're moving just to make yourself happier, you may want to wait. At least wait until she hits a natural break in school (making the move to middle or high school). In the meantime, take trips there. Take her. Spend part of the summer or some other school break there. See how she reacts.

Your daughter will be able to help you make the decision. Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:24 AM
 
56 posts, read 144,923 times
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My daughter was 4 when I moved back to Harrisburg. I do worry she is missing out on a beautiful culture experience. I find Harrisburg extremely homophobic, racist, and boring. Yet, she has begun roots here.

We talked. And have visited. She is open to change, but has voiced her angst about leaving her friends here. She would rather remain here. My thought was we could visit HERE often.

Because of the nature of my job. California is also an option.

I still struggle for what is right, and best for her.

Thank you for your thoughts Nelly.
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:37 AM
 
Location: LEAVING CD
22,974 posts, read 26,893,035 times
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We've been there and done that a few times and always ended up going back to the small town. The reason was manyfold but the biggest was safety and security. The other things we felt were important were a slower pace, less materielistic, smaller schools, less traffic and better odds that our kid would come home every night instead of being killed,beaten or robbed by some nutcase or other kid.

While we'd love to live in the city again we decided to place raising our child over what we'd like so we'll wait until he's out of school. I'm not saying you're placing your wants ahead of your child's needs or wants just that we had to take a cold hard look at what's the best environment to grow this seedling we call our son.
If we want the artsy thing we can always take a weekend and go to the big city for a visit and usually when we do we see why we don't live there. We also found you can visit a whole lot for less than it'd cost to move.

Think long and hard before you jump, I can tell you from experience (and spending over $50k) it gets real expensive when you figure out it was a mistake and try to go back.
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Old 06-16-2008, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimj View Post

...we had to take a cold hard look at what's the best environment to grow this seedling we call our son.

If we want the artsy thing we can always take a weekend and go to the big city for a visit and usually when we do we see why we don't live there. We also found you can visit a whole lot for less than it'd cost to move.

Think long and hard before you jump, I can tell you from experience (and spending over $50k) it gets real expensive when you figure out it was a mistake and try to go back.
Goodness, Jimj, your post makes me wonder if you're my husband posting in secret!!! What you've posted mirrors my husband's and my experiences with relocating our son from one region of the country to another.

I wholeheartedly agree with you, especially on the parts I highlighted. ManhattanGirlz, for the time being, you may have to play the buffer. I totally understand your desire to have your child exposed to a more open and culturally diverse setting. That was a major concern of ours as well, when we moved from a hustle and bustle area to a slower, far less diverse area.

Our new "small town" environment didn't offer our son the rich and varied multi-cultural experience we wanted for him. However, there were (are) a lot of positives, and for his personal growth, these positives far outweighed the negatives. We, his parents, have worked hard to make sure he remains exposed to all different sorts of people. Did he see it every day in his school or in our neighborhood? Sadly, no. But we made sure to bring these things into his life in whatever way we could, including visiting in other areas.

For the time being, that may be your challenge, too. It can be done, and I have faith that you can do it, should you decide to postpone your move. Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2008, 04:24 PM
 
56 posts, read 144,923 times
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thank you BOTH for your comments. Okay. Here is the thing. And after I detail it. I would LOVE if you, Nelly. And YOU Jimj to reply. And anyone else to also. PLEASE!

When I say I was an actress. I was a WORKING actress. I worked with Oprah (we still are in touch!). Used to open for Chris Rock. I was a comic/actress. Worked with Glenn Close, and the list goes on. Was not a houshold name. But earned a great living.

I am soooo bored here. I miss ME. I feel selfish saying that. But this town is so dead. Maybe I could investigate something on the outskirts of NY. I do know I lost so much of myself. I am great Mom I am told. But I so miss my job. And NY.

It was who I was. I cry almost every other day, I miss it so much. Love my child dearly. But here I feel lost! And I know who I was in New York. I have lost so much. In NY We had it ALL!!!!

BUT! Maybe it is time to just be Mom.
You have given me plenty to think about.

Your thoughts?
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Old 06-16-2008, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Kauai, HI
1,055 posts, read 4,449,230 times
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I know Harrisburg and I would be miserable there. Would it be possible for you to move somewhere like Bergen county?? Something a little bit less crazy, but still close to the city?? Your daughter might experience some culture shock moving to the city, especially coming from Harrisburg, so perhaps offering a place more in the middle ground would be beneficial? Moving sucks for kids, but obviously a lot of people have to go through it. Also, the older she gets, the harder it would be to move, you know?

Best of luck!!!
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:00 PM
 
56 posts, read 144,923 times
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Thank you MarO. I am seriously thinking a "middle ground" type of situation would work. SO you do understand my plight.
knowing this place, it is easier to understand, I suppose.

Whew! Was starting to think maybe I was being too hard on this place. Funny. Anyone who has lived here and left, says "I wish I had done this long ago!"

Thanks again!
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 3,004,732 times
Reputation: 1232
Hmmmmm MG, tough spot you find yourself in. I feel for you, I really do. On the one hand, you need to consider what's best for you little one. And it sounds like you are. You also need to consider how the move would affect her. Can she adjust, can she adapt? Again, it sounds like you are.

On the other hand, you have to take your own needs into consideration. If you're crying and depressed (crying every other day sounds like you may be bordering on depression), you're not going to be able to be the best mom you can be. And I'm willing to bet you WANT to be the best mom you can be.

I agree with Mar0. Moving from Harrisburg to smack-dab in the middle of NYC might be more culture shock than your daughter can handle. When I moved to the middle of NYC, it was not a good experience, and I was an adult. By the same token, kids can and often do surprise you! They can be remarkably resilliant, especially when they know their foundation, their rock (that's you!) is in their corner.

Mar0 suggested a good compromise. Is it possible to move *near* the city without necessarily moving *into* the city? I don't know what your work situation is. Certainly there are more acting opportunities near NYC than there are in Harrisburg?

In the meantime, you're an actress. For your daughter's sake, put on the brave face when you're with her. Let her know mommy is there and mommy is strong. Knowing that his parents had his back made our son's transitions more bearable, even when things were totally confusing And don't fear getting her input on things. Have you broached the subject with her at all yet?

As I said, I feel for you. I hope you can get it all sorted out. For both your sakes .
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