My mom really dislikes me. (single parent, mom, parents, daughter)

[lilamx]

I really need some advice, guidance, help, anything . What do you do when your parents favor all your other siblings over you? I'm the oldest female of 6 kids and I've never been the favorite of either of my parents. My dad already passed away and all I have now is my mom, but I think she hates me. We don't have a close relationship and we clash and fight a lot because we have similar characters. She is not a bad mother, in fact she's very nice and she's always spoiled me, and when we're by ourselves for the most part we get along fine. But in the presence of my other brothers she clearly always favors them and defends them. When I get into an argument with one of them, she'll ALWAYS blame me and get angry at me. She NEVER listens when I try to explain. Whenever we get into fights, she will NEVER listen to what I have to say, she'll just keep on talking and think she's in the right and I'm always wrong. That really frustrates me and gets me very angry, so I raise my voice and that leads to us yelling and screaming at each other and it always ends terribly. But that's a whole other problem, right now the one that really bothers me is how she favors all my brothers over me. She clearly dislikes me, and I'm really sensitive so that really bothers me. Sometimes in the heat of arguments she tells me she wishes I would just leave and that she doesn't want to deal with me anymore. I admit, I am a hard daughter to deal with sometimes, but I know a lot of the times when I'm with my other brothers I do nothing wrong yet she still always blames me. It hurts so bad. Just a while ago we were watching a movie (my brothers and I), and there were 3 of us on the couch. My brother kept sliding his feet closer to my head and it was bothering me and I repeteadly told him to stop. A while later my mom came into the room and my brother did it again so I angrily told him to stop, and then he purposely kicked my head really hard, and my mom saw that. I then hit his legs with my hand and my mom got really angry at me, and she didn't say one word to him!! For the rest of the night she kept taking everything out on me. I'm just really angry but mostly sad, I mean I have noone but my mom and she hates me. .

[k350]

How old are you?

Your mopm sounds like she is really stressed trying to raise so many kids herself. Perhaps maybe it is time to drop the petty arguments and fighting with your siblings and step up and assist your mom in an adult manner?

[miss_sugar37714]

Originally Posted by lilamx

I really need some advice, guidance, help, anything . What do you do when your parents favor all your other siblings over you? I'm the oldest female of 6 kids and I've never been the favorite of either of my parents. My dad already passed away and all I have now is my mom, but I think she hates me. We don't have a close relationship and we clash and fight a lot because we have similar characters. She is not a bad mother, in fact she's very nice and she's always spoiled me, and when we're by ourselves for the most part we get along fine. But in the presence of my other brothers she clearly always favors them and defends them. When I get into an argument with one of them, she'll ALWAYS blame me and get angry at me. She NEVER listens when I try to explain. Whenever we get into fights, she will NEVER listen to what I have to say, she'll just keep on talking and think she's in the right and I'm always wrong. That really frustrates me and gets me very angry, so I raise my voice and that leads to us yelling and screaming at each other and it always ends terribly. But that's a whole other problem, right now the one that really bothers me is how she favors all my brothers over me. She clearly dislikes me, and I'm really sensitive so that really bothers me. Sometimes in the heat of arguments she tells me she wishes I would just leave and that she doesn't want to deal with me anymore. I admit, I am a hard daughter to deal with sometimes, but I know a lot of the times when I'm with my other brothers I do nothing wrong yet she still always blames me. It hurts so bad. Just a while ago we were watching a movie (my brothers and I), and there were 3 of us on the couch. My brother kept sliding his feet closer to my head and it was bothering me and I repeteadly told him to stop. A while later my mom came into the room and my brother did it again so I angrily told him to stop, and then he purposely kicked my head really hard, and my mom saw that. I then hit his legs with my hand and my mom got really angry at me, and she didn't say one word to him!! For the rest of the night she kept taking everything out on me. I'm just really angry but mostly sad, I mean I have noone but my mom and she hates me. .

oh hunny... first of all your mom must be really stressed out being a single parent, then you add typical childish behavior and it intensifies the stress. trust me hun your mom doesnt dislike you. you are the oldest so your mom and your siblings kind of look to you to set an example for the rest of the kids and i know sometimes it doesnt seem fair. i too went through the same thing as the oldest of four kids and i believed that my mom hated me too. now i am a mom and i kinda understand what she was going through. moms love their kids but sometimes they get on their nerves and we too can only take so much and we make mistakes too. my advice is the next time you and your brothers get into it walk away dont stand/sit there an let it keep going just avoid the situation and see how your mom reacts. try taking your mom aside and tell her how you feel too, i doubt she means to make you feel this way.

[lilamx]

I'm 21. Wow, I really never looked at it that way. I never imagined being a single mom would stress her out, she's raised us by herself our whole lives so I never saw it as odd. Even when my dad was alive he lived in another country so she was always like a single parent. But I don't understand why she doesn't treat us all the same. For example when we get into an argument, she'll never listen to my side of things, she'll automatically think I'm wrong and get angry at me. I wish she could just listen. But you guys make some good points and I guess I should be acting in a more adult manner. It's just that sometimes it's so difficult to avoid getting into fights because my brothers really bug me!!

[k350]

You may perceive she doesn't treat everyone the same.

Your 21?! I was guessing you were like 14, no offense, but the arguments and kicking fights is what clued me in.

My advice is sometimes you are going to have to set the example. Someone starts an argument over nothing, or even something, you do not need to respond in the same manner. Sometimes you are just going to have to swallow your pride, suck it up and politely deal with the siutation.

At 21 you defintly should be considered the "2nd parent" in the family.

Being a single parent has to be one of the worst things stress wise, at least for me it is. I find it less stressful being in a combat zone than trying to deal with kids.

[k350]

As far as she harps on you, you are an adult, she perhaps thinks she can heap everything on you so as to appease the kids in hopes of calming them down. She honestly does not care who is at fault, she is probably just tired of listening to it.

[lilamx]

I'll try my best not to get into arguments anymore. It's really difficult for me as I always like to talk back and have the last word, but I'll try. Thanks for the insight you guys, I see a whole other side I never saw before. Maybe I have been acting too imature.

[slcmo]

Originally Posted by lilamx

I'll try my best not to get into arguments anymore. It's really difficult for me as I always like to talk back and have the last word, but I'll try. Thanks for the insight you guys, I see a whole other side I never saw before. Maybe I have been acting too imature.

I didn't read all that carefully for all the reply, but kind of got a feel of in conclusion others think that you’re being immature, which I don’t totally agree. I’m the only child, in my 30s, if you think you should be more mature and be more understanding to your mom’s situation that might improve your relationship with your mom and siblings, since your mother won’t take the time out to listen to your explanation. However, to me, I think a mother should always try to be fair, no matter who’s the oldest or youngest, we didn’t choose to be born to this world, a mom should not impose the hardship of her being a single mom or whatever problems they have and add on this stress to her children. You did not choose to be the oldest kid among all siblings; does your mom favor sons over daughters? That might be one of the reasons, and if it’s true, that’s more so not right. I only have one child, because I know how stressful it can be to have siblings by seeing what my husband and mother have to go through with their siblings, it’s so much work and stress for them. When you’re young, a sibling might keep each other company, but as they grow up, if they can’t get along, it’s only a burden. I’m a pessimistic person, so it might not be good to listen to what I say, but I couldn’t help posting this, because I feel so sad after reading your post…..
I’m trying hard to say what I want to say, but it might just make you more miserable, that’s why I said if you do try to be rational instead of emotional and let go the unfair situation, you might be a happier person.
Parents whom say stuff like, I wish you would leave or words in that nature, really can make a child sad, my parents used to do that to me, and till this day, it hurts me, I guess I’m the same type of person as you, I’m sensitive. Since I was raised that way, and now I have a child, I always remind myself to not do that to my son. It’ll lower his self-esteem as he grows older and he’ll have a hard time in school and his career..etc. So, maybe you can turn this negative feeling to a positive one and make sure you don’t do this to your future children, this might turn out to be a good lesson, though a painful one. My dad used to hit me a lot and I don’t hit my child….We didn’t choose to be in this world with all these unfairness, but since we’re here, we should try to turn negative things to a positive one. I pray for you to be independent one day, move out and have a family of your own, raise your children the way you want and don’t make the same mistake by imposing your problems to your children, children are so innocent, they didn’t ask to come to this world and they don’t deserve to be treated the way you’re feeling now..I’m not saying that parents should spoil their kids, but they should give them at least some respect and allow them to voice their point of view and evaluate why their kids are complaining and stop saying those harsh words that they might forget but their kids will never forget even after they grow up…
Take good care of yourself.

[lilamx]

Originally Posted by slcmo

I didn't read all that carefully for all the reply, but kind of got a feel of in conclusion others think that you’re being immature, which I don’t totally agree. I’m the only child, in my 30s, if you think you should be more mature and be more understanding to your mom’s situation that might improve your relationship with your mom and siblings, since your mother won’t take the time out to listen to your explanation. However, to me, I think a mother should always try to be fair, no matter who’s the oldest or youngest, we didn’t choose to be born to this world, a mom should not impose the hardship of her being a single mom or whatever problems they have and add on this stress to her children. You did not choose to be the oldest kid among all siblings; does your mom favor sons over daughters? That might be one of the reasons, and if it’s true, that’s more so not right. I only have one child, because I know how stressful it can be to have siblings by seeing what my husband and mother have to go through with their siblings, it’s so much work and stress for them. When you’re young, a sibling might keep each other company, but as they grow up, if they can’t get along, it’s only a burden. I’m a pessimistic person, so it might not be good to listen to what I say, but I couldn’t help posting this, because I feel so sad after reading your post…..
I’m trying hard to say what I want to say, but it might just make you more miserable, that’s why I said if you do try to be rational instead of emotional and let go the unfair situation, you might be a happier person.
Parents whom say stuff like, I wish you would leave or words in that nature, really can make a child sad, my parents used to do that to me, and till this day, it hurts me, I guess I’m the same type of person as you, I’m sensitive. Since I was raised that way, and now I have a child, I always remind myself to not do that to my son. It’ll lower his self-esteem as he grows older and he’ll have a hard time in school and his career..etc. So, maybe you can turn this negative feeling to a positive one and make sure you don’t do this to your future children, this might turn out to be a good lesson, though a painful one. My dad used to hit me a lot and I don’t hit my child….We didn’t choose to be in this world with all these unfairness, but since we’re here, we should try to turn negative things to a positive one. I pray for you to be independent one day, move out and have a family of your own, raise your children the way you want and don’t make the same mistake by imposing your problems to your children, children are so innocent, they didn’t ask to come to this world and they don’t deserve to be treated the way you’re feeling now..I’m not saying that parents should spoil their kids, but they should give them at least some respect and allow them to voice their point of view and evaluate why their kids are complaining and stop saying those harsh words that they might forget but their kids will never forget even after they grow up…
Take good care of yourself.

Wow you really hit the nail with that. Thanks for understanding.

It's true that I'm already an adult and in situations where my siblings and I get into fights, I should act more mature and try to avoid fighting, but let me give you guys more information and see if you still think it's fair. I'm one of 2 females, I'm the oldest female but not the oldest of all. I have 2 older brothers. My mom has a special liking for my brother who's one year older than me. She adores him. When him and I get into some arguement, you already know who she is going to favor and protect, him. She gets really angry whenever I make her "little boy" mad. Most of the time it's not my fault. He has a car and I don't and when very rarely I ask him as a favor to drop me off at the train station only 3 blocks away, he gets annoyed and will always say no. If it was the other way around, considering that he wouldn't have a car and had to be somewhere at a specific time, I would never say no. Well when I tell my mom this she'll get angry at me, tells me I'm very imprudent and not to bother him anymore. This makes me so sad, I just can't believe how much she favors him. In every single situation, no matter who's wrong, she'll get angry at me. When we're all together my brothers will make me miserable, they'll single me out and tell me how nobody likes me. Even when my mom is there in those situations, and I say something back to them, she'll tell me to shut up. When I was younger there were times I've tried committing suicide because of how terrible they've made me feel, I wish I wasn't so sensitive but I am and what they say and think of me really hurts.

At least if there's one positive thing I'm getting out of this, is what you've said, now I know how NOT to treat my future kids. I know it's normal for parents to have favorites, but it's awful to show it and make it obvious. Parents aren't supposed to do that. It has made me very miserable.

[nitokenshi]

Why is any of this even an issue? Your grown go buy yourself a car and move somewhere if you're unhappy.