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Old 07-08-2008, 11:01 AM
 
29 posts, read 102,799 times
Reputation: 25

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Get rid of internet access. Make sure she is taking birth control. She will use myspace in other locations but not at home.
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Old 07-09-2008, 11:59 PM
 
2 posts, read 3,978 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoagie58 View Post
If nothing else, you need to absolutely forbid her bringing strangers from the internet to your house. This is dangerous to you, her and your family. Counseling is certainly worth exploring ASAP.

Acutally, even though the general idea of forbidding her to bring them home is a good idea, it isn't. Because she can just meet them somewhere else, like the mall or a friends house. You should look into professional help, or atleast give her a reality check. Show her what could happen to her if she decides to meet these strange guys alone, or bring them to your home. Whoever said something about Dateline was correct. You can also go to your local Sheriff/Police department and get information. But getting rid of/restricting the availabilty she has to the internet is a good idea.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:04 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,878 times
Reputation: 765
First, I have a 16 year old daughter and while she uses myspace, thank god she is not glued to it all her free time, nor is she out meeting strangers or inviting them to the house. It would be a very different life she lived at home if this was the case and she is well aware of not only that but the dangers of such activities.

While I haven't read all the responses given here, it would appear to me that simple solution here would appear to be to simply take the computer away, but in my opinion the problem goes far deeper that her use of the computer.

She is meeting strangers online and bringing them into the house???? That is not only dangerous to herself but to the rest of the family members in the home. It is the equivalent of playing russian roulette. You may get lucky, or you may find yourself losing your life. It is a very dangerous activity that your daughter is participating in. Have her watch a few dateline shows on this subject. These are real cases where sicko's are out there stalking young girls and boys with god knows what on their minds.

While using the computer is absolutely a privilege that comes with responsibilities, taking away the computer alone is not going to eliminate the problem. She can access myspace and whatever other venue's she is using, trust me, there probably are others like facebook and such, in other places like library's or friends houses.

You need to take authority in this situation and find out what is going on with your daughter and why she is doing this. Getting counseling would be a good idea. Obviously your daughter has not learned or does not care about the dangers involved with the activities she is doing. You need to nip it in the bud now before she gets in way over her head.

You really need to find out what the underlying problem is with your daughter. I'm sure this behavior did not occur overnight, and even if it did, what caused it. What is going on in her mind, her life. Obviously something because she is acting out, disrespecting you and your home, and placing herself in extremely dangerous situations.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:19 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,878 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolkat View Post
I'm 17, and I spend as much time on the internet as I can. Since I know have my own kid that's not nearly as much as it used to be, but I don't see the problem parents have with their kids being online all the time.
As a mother of a 19 and 16 year old, step mom to a 15, 5, and 4 year old... I'll tell you this...

Give us your opinion in about say 13 years, once you are about 30 and your child is now a teenager online all the time....Guaranteed your opinion on this will be far different than it is now. Trust me. I can't tell you how many things I didn't understand my mother having an issue with, but sure as I am breathing right now, I understand it now and am pretty much the same on a lot of them.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:32 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,878 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolkat View Post
crazyma, you really don't need to be so rude.

My boyfriend became emancipated at 16. He is a dog walker and groomer, and makes very good money. I used to work as a waitress until I was 7 months pregnant, and then I quit until she was 2 months old. I then got a job in a day care but stopped working when she was 5 months so I could go to school and we're taking money from my savings to make up for the lost income.

And yes, we pay for our OWN utilities, our own health care, our own insurance, our own rent, our own everything.

I've never claimed to know everything, nor do I think I do. I'm just a mom who is trying to do her best for her kid. Just like, I assume, you all are. But just because I got pregnant younger than a lot of people do, automatically makes me incompetent?
I became pregnant with my son when I was 18, gave birth when I was 19. So no, being young doesn't make you incompetent. However, it does make you nieve to a lot of things still.

Just remember that there is still a lot to learn in life, and that your opinions about things will absolutely, without a doubt, change as you mature and your child becomes older.

While you may be owning up to the responsibility of having a child so young, and may even be doing a great job at it, this is not the case for all, so appearing to advocate it with a view of no big deal, I am doing it, is dangerous. I'm sure you know that while you are doing it, it is not easy at all. At least if you are doing it right, you know it is not an easy job. Not everyone can do it at such a young age.

Your comment of not understanding why parents have such an issue with internet usage, I'm sorry, but shows a bit of the immaturity and nieveness that your youth still holds. The situation presented by the OP in this thread is one of a very serious nature that required a more mature and responsible answer rather than one that implied "whats the big deal".
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,360,867 times
Reputation: 1704
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilynspets1 View Post
To all of my helpful friends out there. Just to let you know we went to court on Monday for the restraining order and it was denied. The guy showed his ID showing that he was 19 and not 22. Turns out that all of the police, attorneys, etc were all "kin" or neighbors. We are relatively new to this area. They came prepared with a lawyer and we did not. (stepdad was out of state working and just got home on Sunday morning) They have also filed a suit against stepdad, "communication of threat), and now we need to find a good lawyer. The judge didn't see any reason for 19 yr old to be restrained from 16 yr old (just turned 16) because he testified that he never had any sex with her. (humn) My daughter is coming home on Saturday and is elated and gloating and has clearly told me that she is still going to see him and that she hopes stepdad goes to jail. I told her that she is causing her family a lot of grief and expenses and if he went to jail, I would have to move, including her 11 yr old brother, but she said she didn't care and would just go live with her 31 yr old sister, and "oh well" about the rest of us. Anybody know of a good lawyer in Salisbury, NC? We don't have much money, I'm sure the boys lawyer was "kin"
You need to shut your daughter down. Seriously. If she's going to gloat about you losing in court and the possibility of your family having a hardship because of her inconsideration she's got some punishment coming. Confiscate EVERYTHING. Take away her freedom.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:51 AM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,797,878 times
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Wow, there is so much wrong with this post and the attitude of this little girl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marilynspets1 View Post
To all of my helpful friends out there. Just to let you know we went to court on Monday for the restraining order and it was denied. The guy showed his ID showing that he was 19 and not 22. Turns out that all of the police, attorneys, etc were all "kin" or neighbors. We are relatively new to this area. They came prepared with a lawyer and we did not. (stepdad was out of state working and just got home on Sunday morning) They have also filed a suit against stepdad, "communication of threat), and now we need to find a good lawyer. The judge didn't see any reason for 19 yr old to be restrained from 16 yr old (just turned 16) because he testified that he never had any sex with her. (humn)
This is sad but more common than not. Unless the boy physically harms your daughter, threatens her in some way, had sexual contact with her, there really is little you can do. Even with the sexual contact, it depends on the state, what the age of consent is and what the allowable age gap is if there is one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marilynspets1 View Post
My daughter is coming home on Saturday and is elated and gloating and has clearly told me that she is still going to see him and that she hopes stepdad goes to jail. I told her that she is causing her family a lot of grief and expenses and if he went to jail, I would have to move, including her 11 yr old brother, but she said she didn't care and would just go live with her 31 yr old sister, and "oh well" about the rest of us.
She needs a serious wake up call. The fact that she even thinks that she can talk to you this way and show such a callous attitude about the harm she could be causing her family, is beyond me. Elated and gloating about coming home huh, well what about dad here. Is he involved in what is going on? Does he know? What is his opinion on this? She needs some really tough love and some real harsh lessons. Perhaps since she is so elated to come back home, the same home she could care less about, perhaps she should just stay with dad a bit longer. You said things are a little better because she is over there. What does that mean? Is she not allowed on the computer there, therefore less worry? Is he stricter with her? Perhaps her elation to return home. Well if this is the case, it may be the exact dose she needs.

If she did return home, with that attitude, I'd be sure she was coming home to none of those luxuries and privileges she has until she shows a serious attitude adjustment. No computer, lock your bedroom door if needed, but absolutely no use of the computer. No telephone, no friends over, no going out. Shoot, clear her room of all but the basic necessities, make it as bare as possible, meaning no tv, radio, etc. If you provide her a cell phone, cancel that.

You are required to put a roof over her head, she will have that. You are required to put food in her belly, she will have that (what you make, necessities, no favorite little treats). You are required to ensure safe environment, that means electricity and water. Cable, computer, radio's, tv's are all privileges, not necessities. You are required to put clothes on her back, hmmm oh 7 outfits would work, eliminate all else from her closet lol, she can wash her clothes once a week to make sure she has clothes to wear the following week. Tough love.

You then make her earn it all back as her behavior shows improvement and she starts showing you and your house some respect.

I'm sorry but she has a huge chip on her shoulder and needs to be knocked down several flights to reality. She is 16, you are the adult, do not let her talk to you that way and think she can get away with it. She needs to know there are consequences to her behavior and that those consequences will be enforced. Don't let her believe that she can issue you threats and that you will back down like a jellyfish without a backbone. What makes her even think her older sister wants her around with that attitude or that she will be able to get away with the stuff she is trying to pull. Wake up call, thats what she needs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marilynspets1 View Post
Anybody know of a good lawyer in Salisbury, NC? We don't have much money, I'm sure the boys lawyer was "kin"
Sorry can't help you there other than to suggest contacting the courts to find out if they have a legal aid program where they have attorney's that will work a case pro bono.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:29 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
631 posts, read 2,082,760 times
Reputation: 324
I located files on my daughter's My space adventures and I found her friends consisted of people with names like: I like to kill people kind of stuff.

I changed the password on my computer so she could not get on anymore.
It was sick the people she was blogging to.
She still found a way to connect with those type people in person, but not on the net anymore. So really didn't do any good other than keeping the netters out of my house.

Stay watchful and probably time to take action and very tough action before it's too late. Listen to sean98125 about the birth control! I'm 45 and raising a baby from my then senior in high schools pregnancy. I did NOT ask for another baby. 3 years later I accept the blame for not being more proactive. It never occured to me to do that. I thought just threatening the boys I could avoid that. NOPE. I'm a mom again and lots of heartache to go with it.

I'm seeing major red flags here. Kick her in the ass and do something drastic NOW to change the future of the out of control teen. Perhaps a teen camp? I was at a loss then and still now. I tried military school but they would not take her unless she proved she Wanted to be there. Tried having ranch families take her before hell rained, they of course would not take her. No advice other than take it seriously. It's serious!
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Old 03-16-2010, 12:01 PM
 
2 posts, read 3,289 times
Reputation: 10
Default Set limits

I too had a daughter just way to into this. I recently gave her the ability to be on her own with her time granted if her grades improved. They didn't. She now only has an 1 1/2 each night on the computer. Feels good not to see her on there. You are the boss, she is the child. Set the rule. Also, get her off myspace. Just do Facebook. Alot safer. I hope you have her passwords. If not, get them. Also go to xxx.org and download free accountability reports. They will send you an email if she visits a questionable site.
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Old 12-02-2012, 07:50 AM
 
885 posts, read 1,506,534 times
Reputation: 761
How'd Brandy turn out?
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