Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think it's really important to focus on being active, rather than a huge focus on food at this age.
You CAN control what your child eats when they are with you, and you can do a lot to find fun activities that get them moving. Maybe some of those activities can carry over to time spent with Dad... like bike riding, or a dance/exercise DVD? I mention this because we have a 5 year old with weight issues and she loves to dance. I think the best option is to find ways to making moving fun, not the school PE style pushups and situps and running laps.
I agree with the poster suggesting talking to your pediatrician. Would your child's father be willing to go to a pedi appointment with you?
We had a similar problem with my partner's daughter's father... but it bordered on abusive, because he had been TOLD by a pediatrician and a nutritionist and his own doctor for crying out loud. He himself is diabetic and he still did it, every time he had her, a constant stream of cheetos and soda and worse. VERY frustrating.
My tip for veggies: sneak them into bread and muffins made with whole grain / whole wheat flour and low sugar. My kids have consumed so many carrots/zucchini/etc. that way and were never the wiser!
Edited to add:
So sorry, I didn't read through all posts and your update before posting. Good luck to you! Be sure that the pedi rules out any medical causes for the weight gain.
My friend is in a similar pickle. The kids eat well at his home but his ex-wife drives them through McDs and feeds them crap at home. Usually they come to visit bringing sick stomachs! Of course you can complain through the courts, but that means money up-front. I'm not saying that's not worth it, but if you don't have it, it's not an option. Next... nothing you do will change your ex. You probably already knew that. So, accept that you have no power over what they eat without you. All you can do is feed them healthy when they ARE with you. Two households... two sets of standards... ain't divorce grand.
The kids will choose in their teen years where they want to be. Your example of a healthy (or at least healthier) eater may not shine as a reason to live with you, but it sounds like other qualities inside of you, that you give to your kids, will influence one or both to live with you where you alone control what they eat and how much.
The tough fact is that you can't control the behavior of your ex. You could bring CPS into it, but no one needs that type of stress.
If your son is eating healthy foods only, in appropriate calorie amounts in your home 4X a week, and is getting 60 minutes of physical activity while in your care those 4X a week, those 3 days will have less of an impact.
Packing healthy snacks will do nothing for a father/son used to eating potato chips and fast food. More than likely, those healthy foods will go to waste.
If you have been doing everything "right" on your 4 days and the 3 days are "winning", then obviously the health angle isn't going to work. Try telling the dad that your son is getting made fun of or being left out of activities by the other kids because of his weight. If dad was an overweight kid, this may have more of an impact on him.
Sounds like you and your Ex are both very involved in your son's life and that is the most important thing. If you are on a speaking basis, maybe you can all sit down and discuss the situation. See if you can come up with suggestions from all three parties as to what can be done reasonably.
Don't forget, most kids gain weight right before they hit a growth spurt, but you are right in wanting it addressed.
I had to comment on the "sneaking healthy foods" into other foods thing.
I always add carrots and zuchinni in spaghetti and spinach in lasagna. They don't like other people's sauce... it doesn't have any "chunks".
You couldn't get my kids to drink regular soda... too sweet. I am a diet soda drinker myself and they are too used to the taste to enjoy a regular one. I bought a KoolAid dispenser (to cut costs what with them and their friends constantly dying of thirst). My kids wouldn't drink it at first because it was too sweet! I had to pour out half and add water to get them to drink it. I now only add 1/2 the sugar - and they still go for the water dispenser more often than the KoolAid!
Tell your ex that he can start taking your son to the store for clothing. Your ex will probably get tired of this within a year.
(Yep, i was a "rapidly" growing boy in my youth).
I wouldn't suggest to your ex that he comes to the doctors, I would tell him he has to come!(then again, I do not have an ex, so taking advice from me on this subject is probably not totally the best...).
My son is five and he knows what is "sugar water," corn syrup, and how sugar affects our bodies. I taught him that it is okay to eat sugar once in awhile, but that it doesn't help our bodies, and what sugars are better for us. And yes, he really does understand it.
One of my cookbooks suggests leaving out cut-up vegetables on the table (fruit, too) all the time, especially right before dinner. Make sure its where it is always in reach and available. Also, if you have a good farmers' market nearby, take him to it--you will be suprised at what the kids will want to buy (but then you have to make it right away or else they will lose interest in it). Also, doing a little vegetable garden will help too. You can even just plant a couple plants some pots, or where a flower garden would traditionally be. Last summer, the neighbor kids just about ate me out of carrots! It doesn't help when he's at dad's, but it help counter-act the negative message he's getting there.
However, don't degrade your ex's eating habits in front of your son. Just point out that in your house, this is how we eat because this is what is healthy.
And to those whose children won't eat veggies--I know one daycare provider who grates up carrots and puts them in the mac-n-cheese. I guess the kids never know!
This can be a difficult situation because I imagine your ex might be resentful of anything you suggest, whether it effects your son's health or not. My suggestion is to just do what you can when he is with you, including getting him involved in sports and other outdoor activities. If you signed your son up for something like soccer or baseball, would your DH get him to his games on the nights he has him, if they are scheduled? I know it puts a lot on you, but I would be concerned if you talked to DH about it, it might even make the problem worse. Just be sure to make it fun for your son so that he won't look at you as the "bad guy". All three of our kids, including our DD, have been involved in sports programs since they were four or five years old and they all reallly enjoy them. You could also do fun things together when he is with you, like go for bike rides, walks, etc.
My kids don't eat anything that vegetables can be "snuck" into. They don't eat lasagna...they won't even eat a tomato sauce if it has any kind of seasoning in it (basil, oregano, etc.). It takes my son literally an hour to eat 1/4 cup of corn....and honestly, he's not getting much from corn anyway. I even tried Jessica Seinfeld's book and my kid still didn't like the recipes. DH and I love vegetables so we are just hoping seeing us eating them will finally rub off. My daughter has started to eat a little bit of salad. Only problem is she want's it smothered in ranch dressing.
On a good note, my kids don't drink soda or Kool Aid. They drink water, low fat milk and sometimes 100% apple juice.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
VERY frustrating.
