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Yes, I did read them all. I expect my kids to follow my instructions and if I pack them a meal they should eat it. This may take some time and training at your home to fully accomplish and I even suggested a compromise. 2 of the 3 days he eats what you pack and 1 day he gets to eat whatever his dad serves up. Does he not follow your instructions usually? If not then it is time to get started!! What do you expect him to do at school if all the kids eat junk food, just join them or eat what you pack for him?
Um, the difference here is if the child is with his other PARENT, then the other parent's instructions are going to be just as valid and like it or not, the other parent has the authority when the kid is physically there.
You really expect a not-quite-five year old, to say "No Dad, MOM said blah blah", especially if Dad responds with "Well you're at my house, I make the decisions here" or some such...?
That's quite different from peer pressure from other CHILDREN in a school setting where there's no defiance of one parent over the other in question.
It's one thing to tell another child 'No, my mom says I need to eat this meal she packed' vs. "No Dad, Mom says I can't eat what you feed me at your house..."
I'm guessing you either A) don't have kids or B) haven't experienced a shared custody or visitation situation with your kids
Yes, I did read them all. I expect my kids to follow my instructions and if I pack them a meal they should eat it. This may take some time and training at your home to fully accomplish and I even suggested a compromise. 2 of the 3 days he eats what you pack and 1 day he gets to eat whatever his dad serves up. Does he not follow your instructions usually? If not then it is time to get started!! What do you expect him to do at school if all the kids eat junk food, just join them or eat what you pack for him?
He will be in a 1/2 day kindergarten program this year so he will be eating lunch when I pick him up. Once he begins going to school full-day I believe he will eat what I send with him. There won't be another parental figure there telling him it's ok to eat something else. Yes, he typically follows my instructions. However, when he's at his dad's house his dad is in charge. I have no control over what my ex tells my son he can do at his house.
I suppose I was assuming that the other parent would at least cooperate if not participate. If you discuss with dad the concerns (and discuss with DS), especially if the pediatrician is backing up the concern, then I would expect them to share the concern. Perhaps that is expecting too much. And yes, I have kids. When they were too little to decide what was best for themselves we expected them to follow our instructions, even when we were not there and other people were doing just what we had told them not to do. No jumping on the couch...even at a friends house, even if they are doing it too. No dessert tonight, even if you are somewhere and it is offered to you. Use your manners, say please and thank you even if the other kids are rude little monsters.
Back to topic....how about dropping him off after dinner or taking dinner for the both of them? I am having a really hard time with the idea that dad wouldn't support a healthier eating plan for the child, especially if he still gets to eat pizza and cheetos and you send a meal with DS. What would he really do if your DS took a meal and said 'No thanks for pizza, I have a chicken salad for dinner.' Why don't you at least suggest the idea. Then, if it really is a health issue for DS you might have to rearrange visitation or force the issue. After all, it is a health issue...not just some silly thing that parents might argue about.
Yes, I did read them all. I expect my kids to follow my instructions and if I pack them a meal they should eat it. This may take some time and training at your home to fully accomplish and I even suggested a compromise. 2 of the 3 days he eats what you pack and 1 day he gets to eat whatever his dad serves up. Does he not follow your instructions usually? If not then it is time to get started!! What do you expect him to do at school if all the kids eat junk food, just join them or eat what you pack for him?
We are not talking about the child following instructions while in school and away from BOTH parents. Having the child following only the mother's instructions while he's with his father, is pitting parent against parent and is going to terribly conflict a 5 year old.
first, i'm glad ur smart enuf to be concerned AND get involved. I would get info. from the internet and his pediatrition to show ur ex how serious obesity is and how it is setting ur child up for a lifelong struggle and health issues. It is paramount that ur son see u make healthy choices and eat well and exercise. Keep urself motivated knowing it is for your child! He is old enuf now, too, to be involved w/meal planning and choices. Have him pick healthy items at the food store or come up w/ dinners or side dishes that are smart choices...and when he does- be excited, praise him. Also start teaching him about his body and why fast food or fried foods, soda , etc. do his body no good or harm. I'd also stress how unfortunately his dad has not made smart food choices, and he is overweight and not as healthy as he should be. Ask him to ask his dad if he can 'run' w/ him, or run up stairs. He'll start seeing for himself over time. Even have him pack his own 'healthy' snacks to bring to dad's house, maybe even encourage him to "teach" dad about how healthy he's been eating at mom's house.
It is a struggle to eat right, let alone get ur kids too. Again, lead by example...good luck!
PS...a good book is DISEASE PROOF YOUR CHILD...all about nutrition.
oh, and for the meal planning...ask him things like "Do you think squash or green beans would be good with that? Pick out a good, red tomato for our salad tonite. Look this says lots of fiber,and you know that's good for us!" etc. Obviously keep it simple. The more he see's and hears it , the more it will seem like the norm for his home w// you.
I did read them...and again. I didn't see anything where you said your DH was a loser bad parent or didn't care about his child's health...just that he is overweight himself and doesn't see DS's weight as an issue. So, if it was brought to his attention (backed by more than just your opinion), if he went to the peds visit or if you relayed him the information from the pediatrician would he not develop some concern? Would he still offer pizza and cheetos? If so, then for your son's health, it might be best to spend less meal times with dad.
Unfortunately it might get to the point where you have to tell DS that daddy isn't doing what is best for him and he should do something different. Suppose dad didn't require him to wear a seatbelt in the car. You would have to tell DS that dad was wrong, that to be safe he needed to wear it even in dads car and even if dad said it wasn't necessary. That seems reasonable. Use that analogy and take it to eating habits. To be healthy he has to eat healthy even at dad's house, even if dad still wants to eat pizza and cheetos. If that really isn't going to work then he needs to spend less meal times with dad, just like he wouldn't be riding in the car with dad. Perhaps knowing that the choice is between supporting the meal plan or spending less time with DS, your ex would develop some concern as well. Really, what choice do you have?
I would also like to add that my ex husband is about 70 lbs overweight himself (gained most of it since we divorced). HE is not active. HE eats very unhealthy foods all the time. HE overeats. So, no he really isn't receptive when I try to discuss the issue with him. I'm not sure if it hits too close to home or what. He also has an issue with anyone trying to "control" him. This is not because of me, it's because of his parents and it was an issue when we were married as well. Because of that he is over sensitive when I try to suggest that changes be made (in regard to anything). That being said, his unwillingness to help the situation is part of the problem.
I did read them...and again. I didn't see anything where you said your DH was a loser bad parent or didn't care about his child's health...just that he is overweight himself and doesn't see DS's weight as an issue. So, if it was brought to his attention (backed by more than just your opinion), if he went to the peds visit or if you relayed him the information from the pediatrician would he not develop some concern? Would he still offer pizza and cheetos?
Yes, I think he might. He grew up in an inactive overweight family. He is also the king of denial.
If so, then for your son's health, it might be best to spend less meal times with dad. Unfortunately it might get to the point where you have to tell DS that daddy isn't doing what is best for him and he should do something different. Suppose dad didn't require him to wear a seatbelt in the car. You would have to tell DS that dad was wrong, that to be safe he needed to wear it even in dads car and even if dad said it wasn't necessary. That seems reasonable. Use that analogy and take it to eating habits. To be healthy he has to eat healthy even at dad's house, even if dad still wants to eat pizza and cheetos. If that really isn't going to work then he needs to spend less meal times with dad, just like he wouldn't be riding in the car with dad. Perhaps knowing that the choice is between supporting the meal plan or spending less time with DS, your ex would develop some concern as well. Really, what choice do you have?[/quote]
Changing visitation would require going to court (which takes money, something I don't have a whole lot of right now). Even if I did go to court, there is no guarantee the judge would agree with me and change visitation.
This is one of the things making the situation so difficult to handle. His father is not on this bandwagon.
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Really, what choice do you have?
