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After trying to conceive for 2+ years and nearly exhausting our allowable insurance benefits for fertility treatments, my wife and I finally got pregnant. My daughter is now 8 months old. Since we don't have any more insurance money for fertility treatments, we decided to start trying for a second child relatively soon after our daughter was born. We're both in our early 30's, and figured that it would probably take 2+ years again to conceive, if ever. Well, I found out earlier this week that my wife is pregnant (surprisingly, with no help from fertility drugs this time).
I'm happy, of course, but also a little apprehensive. Neither of us expected it to happen this soon. When the second one is born, our kids will only be 16 months apart. I was kind of expecting the first one to be a little older and more "independent" by the time the second was born. My wife and I work opposite shifts, so 3-4 days a week only one of us is home at any given time to take care of the children.
Has anyone out there been in this situation and have any advice? I think once the kids are school age, I'm really going to enjoy having them so close together in age. For now though, I'm privately freaking out a little bit at how I'm going to handle this.
Mine are 21 months apart, so not as close as yours. They're almost 3 and 14 months now. I'm not going to lie. It's rough in the beginning. It took me about 7 months before I wasn't terrified of being left alone with them for a couple days at a time. My husband travels a lot, so it's often just me and the girls for large chunks of time. I once traveled alone with them across country. Not fun, but we survived. The point I'm trying to make is that it's really, really hard, but you'll get through this. You will face sibling rivalry, so you'll have to be extra attentive to the older child. It also helps to work out a schedule. At first, my schedule was around the older child and the baby just went with the flow. Now, I have to work around both of their schedules. Soon, they'll both be on one nap a day and it should lessen the load, hopefully. The advantage of having them close in age is that there is a greater likelihood of them having a really close relationship. The oldest will also have no memory of ever being an only child, so you won't face what some do with children who are, say, 4 years apart. Finally, you're that much closer to being completely out of diapers.
Mine are 19 1/2 months apart. Yes, it was tough (they're now 4 and 3), and it still is at times. However, there are good points! One being, that you haven't gotten out of the diaper-changing, dealing with toddler tantrums, lack of sleep thing (if your first child is anything like ours). They're also still interested in pretty much the same things, so entertaining both of them is easy at this point (pop on a Disney DVD and they're both happy). I agree that the oldest doesn't really remember beng the only child, so those issues were never a problem. Even though my two fight like cats and dogs sometimes, they also love to play together!
You will be fine. I think that it is easier than having a large gap between kids and having to get yourself back into the swing of babyhood.
Mine are also 21 months apart and fjtee is right, it is no picnic. My difference is that mine were adopted so I didn't have to deal with a 21 month old and a newborn. (There were major difficulties in adopting a 12 month old when I already had a 33 month old, but that's not relavant here.) You have to figure out how to do everything with two very little ones with you. Transitions (from the house to car or from car to anywhere) were particularly hard to get a handle on. Having two vomiting at the same time when I was alone in the house with them was also bad. BUT, they are 4 and 5 now and playing nicely together about 75% of the time. They consider each other friends and one takes care of and defends the other. It's so sweet to see .
So it will be hard, but there are rewards to having them close together.
Congratulations on the pregnancy, particularly since it sounds like the first was quite difficult to achieve (which I totally understand as we went through 3 unsuccessful IVFs before we adopted.) Best wishes!!
Totally agree with previous posters. Mine are not quite a year apart! First was born on 5-9, second 5-1. So...yeah it is not easy in the beginning but very you do what you need to. I think back and probably the hardest part was having the pregnancys so close together. I wasn't even over the first birth!
Now, 20 some years later, I am happy it worked out that way. They were so close and had each other to occupy their time and when we went on vacations and such (even day trips) it was great for them to run a play. Now my youngest is 10 yrs younger than the first and she grew up basically on her own as far as her stages went. My older two sometimes say they feel bad for her because she doesn't have a sibling closer in age. She obviously doesn't know any different, but they do!! You can do it, it is a blessing!!!
My 2nd and third are 18 months apart. The first year was kinda nuts! But, it goes by quickly. In a way, it's actually kind of good to get through all that, all at once.
I was working too. That was tough. That will probably be the hardest part.
I want to congratulate your family! Sounds like you guys went through a lot to get one baby, and now you've been blessed again-it will be great! When they get older, life gets so much easier, and they have each other-built in playmates.
My two oldest children are 14 months apart. Additionally I became a single mom when they were 2 and 3 so there were some challenges to say the least. My oldest was held back in kindergarten which placed him with his younger brother and they went through the same grade from kindergarten on. When they were very young, I managed to put myself through nursing school while I worked and somehow the three of us survived. Then when they were 7 and 8 I met my second husband and had 2 more children 23 months apart. My two oldest have always been extremely close. It will be a challenge but try and keep telling yourself they are only young once. My little ones are 9 and 11 now. They grow up so fast! Congratulations!
My 4th and 5th child are 16 months apart. I was in my mid thirties and a work from home mom. (My two oldest kids were in school but my 3rd was just 4.) It was hectic but not unbearable. Those two are the closest in age of my 6 kids and were very close when they were young, playing together and entertaining each other. They're now 15 (girl) and 16 (boy) and are just now coming out of a 4 year stretch of totally hating each other, each other's friends, each other's everything. I'm so happy that stage is almost over!
My birth Children are a few years apart but we were foster parents and had several infants the same agew or very close. We adopted two children one came from the hospital and when he was 6 months our daughter came and she was 6 weeks. They are 6 months apart. They are like twins. They share a room although this won't last forever. They are in the same grade and at school they don't bother with each other. I think because they are not the same sex it is easier they have different interest. They fight more as they get older. It hasn't been that bad and we adopted one more after them and she is 18 months
An active toddler (aren't they all ) & an crawler makes for lots of interesting scenarios.
I found the first 6 months relatively easy b/c #2 wasn't crawling. Then #2 started to crawl...and #1 saw that #2 was crawling & playing with #1 toy's...and it just goes on and on and on....
Right now, #1 wants to be best buddies with #2 & it's a joy to watch. He's VERY protective of his brother & wants to know where he is at all times.
By nature, I am a control freak & neat freak. It's been a challenge to let the house get messy & things not in order. But, it's not possible to do it all in a 24hr time period with two young ones who need 100% of your attention.
I think the hardest thing with their age is that both need my full attention & I am still figuring out how to do that plus take care of the house & do the necessary things to keep our home running.
It is a challenge having children close in age, but it also has a lot of good points. GOod luck!
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Additionally I became a single mom when they were 2 and 3 so there were some challenges to say the least. My oldest was held back in kindergarten which placed him with his younger brother and they went through the same grade from kindergarten on. When they were very young, I managed to put myself through nursing school while I worked and somehow the three of us survived. Then when they were 7 and 8 I met my second husband and had 2 more children 23 months apart. My two oldest have always been extremely close. It will be a challenge but try and keep telling yourself they are only young once. My little ones are 9 and 11 now. They grow up so fast! Congratulations!
