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Old 01-20-2007, 10:18 AM
 
504 posts, read 1,619,457 times
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I was talking to my 82 year old neighbor the other night and she said if she hears "I am a single parent"again she will scream.
I agree, I am fed up with people trying to get sympathy because they are a single parent. Children are a choice that we can plan and if you choose to have a baby you should be able to support it by your self, always nice if you have financial and emotional help, but plan on being a single parent because you probably will be. If you get divorced and you get no child support, it won't be the end of the world because you can support it. Remember you picked that person to have the child.
If you decide to have a child who is going to take care of it? Who is going to support it?
Who is going to take it to the doctors, dentist etc? Quit doing the poor me, you did it to your self.It time for us to evaulate the reasons why so many people are choosing to have children and deciding not to be parents.
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Old 01-20-2007, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Journey's End
10,189 posts, read 24,468,746 times
Reputation: 3826
This can be a real controversial topic. I suggest you ask it to be moved to Politics & Other...

because just reading your statement made me scowl; then laugh; then cry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexander59 View Post
I was talking to my 82 year old neighbor the other night and she said if she hears "I am a single parent"again she will scream.
I agree, I am fed up with people trying to get sympathy because they are a single parent. Children are a choice that we can plan and if you choose to have a baby you should be able to support it by your self, always nice if you have financial and emotional help, but plan on being a single parent because you probably will be. If you get divorced and you get no child support, it won't be the end of the world because you can support it. Remember you picked that person to have the child.
If you decide to have a child who is going to take care of it? Who is going to support it?
Who is going to take it to the doctors, dentist etc? Quit doing the poor me, you did it to your self.It time for us to evaulate the reasons why so many people are choosing to have children and deciding not to be parents.
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Old 01-23-2007, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 34,561,048 times
Reputation: 14657
I was/am a single father of 2. Raised them since they were 2 and 4 YO. It was easy (well except when I had to leave them to work) and I'd do it again if I had to. The only help I got was from a couple wonderfull ex-girlfriends that cared very well for them when I was gone at work. Sure I paid dearly for child care but at I had a job. I see no reason why a woman in todays world, could not do the same.
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Old 01-24-2007, 04:24 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,629,332 times
Reputation: 2236
I Too hate that single mom stuff (I hope I don't get bashed). I hate the fact that women keep popping out babies because they know that the welfare system will provide for their food, medical, and many times cash assistance....heck, even housing! I hatehatehate it.

Now I do understand that there are certain situations that could make a mother single without planning it-death of a husband. But unless there are certain situations, I feel that if you can't afford the baby(babies) a proper life, then close the legs.

Sorry!!
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Old 01-24-2007, 05:12 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
985 posts, read 2,551,170 times
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I was a "divorced mom" for almost 10 years before I met my husband. I never said poor me. I actually loved my life. I got very little if any child support.
I say divorced mom because when I had my son I was married to my first husband. A "single mom" has never been married.
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Old 01-24-2007, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Jersey
2,098 posts, read 5,784,325 times
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I used to be a "single mom". My parents divorced and I grew up since age 7 with a "divorced mom". However, in neither of those situations did we use that as a cop-out. You know what, it is hard being a single parent, but it's hard being a married parent too! Who the hell ever said being a parent was easy?! It's emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting sometimes, but with that comes such a great reward....children. My mom struggled to keep the roof over our heads. Yes, my dad paid child support and was always there for us (he lived like 5 blocks away LOL) but he was no Donald Trump, so she still worked full time and came home exhausted to make ends meet. But she never complained, never threw it in anyone's face, never resented anyone for the decision she and my dad made to end the marriage. Both parents always enforced respect and never knocked each other. Had they stayed married, they both would've been working anyway to keep a roof over our heads (so what's the difference?) I struggled raising my daughter too. When my oldest daughter was little, I worked full time, paid for daycare, paid to go to college in the evenings, paid my own bills and helped my mom with bills for the house (i.e. grocery, gas/electric, cable) because yes, I was lucky enough to live at home. However, it was no pleasure cruise. I didn't get a free ride, like I said, I had to split the bills and still pay my own debts, cook, clean and do laundry (mom and I split that work too though). I raised my daughter. Did my parents help out? Of course they did, but no differently than had I lived in my own home. They babysat once in awhile or picked her up from daycare if an emergency came up and of course stole her from me to spoil her a bit, but she was my child, my responsibility and I plowed forward. And guess what? I have a husband now and we still struggle sometimes. So, the only difference is...?? Yes, it's hard when you want a break to put your feet up or shut your eyes for a few minutes, you don't have a significant other to say "here, take the baby for a minute", but otherwise, it's the same. The way I see it is this: the best thing that ever happened (besides actually having my children) was her biological "reproducer" (I refuse to use the word father) running away from the situation. If he hadn't chickened out on being a parent, then I wouldn't have developed the relationship that I did with my daughter because it was just "me and her", I wouldn't be with my wonderful husband and I wouldn't have my other fabulous children. So he did me a favor, THANK YOU. Do I have sympathy or empathy for people who have lost a spouse or suffered a divorce? Absolutely. Losing someone you love is the hardest thing one will ever suffer. I saw my parents suffer emotionally through the divorce (though at the time, I don't think I knew it, but looking back, I know how hurt they both were). And when my mom died, after being divorced for just under 20 years, I saw my father cry as hard as I've ever seen anyone cry. Why? Because at one time he loved her and he shared a bond with her (us) that he's never had with anyone else. So, again, parenting in general is not easy nor is it stress-free...(who told these teenage single crybabies that being married makes it any easier? Marriage itself is work too!!) However, should you choose to lay down with someone, then yes, you need to suffer the consequences that may come from it. I too, cannot stand when a girl sleeps around, gets pregnant, then cries the blues about having to do it all on her own because the guy ran. Men (and even the women who dump their kids on the man and run) need to grow up, but unfortunately, unless there's an epidemic of male conscience to sweep through our world and tackle these deadbeats, a girl is going to have to suck it up and deal with what she knew could happen in the first place. Is it "better" to have both parents? It's definitely an advantage in a lot of ways. Parents set the example for their children. You see a happy marriage/relationship, you tend to work at your friendships and relationships. But if you see a miserable marriage/relationship, you tend to think that is what a relationship is all about (so in that case, sometimes divorce/single-parenting can be the advantage). However, these people who do use being a single parent as a cop-out or to get a free ride or handout of some sort, really need to get a grip on reality and maturity. I know biblically we should not have children out of wedlock, but reality is, some of us do (the Lord forgives...as long as you seek forgiveness), plus, I suppose that would be based on one's beliefs, not everyone follows religion. Anyway, no matter how you slice it and dice it, there isn't one good excuse on the face of this earth to not raise your children properly.
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Old 01-24-2007, 07:20 AM
 
5,019 posts, read 12,471,540 times
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Quote:
I feel that if you can't afford the baby(babies) a proper life, then close the legs.
And, I might add, zip the zipper!

Only problem I see with some of these arguments so far: letting the daddies off the hook too easily. Last time I checked it still took two to make a baby.

I'm a widowed mom. I must say, compared to many of the divorcees I've met, I had it pretty easy.

Last edited by plaidmom; 01-24-2007 at 08:18 AM.. Reason: toooo early to spell
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Old 01-24-2007, 07:45 AM
 
5,019 posts, read 12,471,540 times
Reputation: 6952
Rance,
Just wanted to say "kudos". Men like you give me hope for humanity

Since you asked:


Quote:
I see no reason why a woman in todays world, could not do the same.
Many do. However, keep in mind, that women, on average, earn 77 cents for every dollar men earn. It may not seem like much, but it adds up, and of course when you add in childcare costs....

I've read that, unfortunately pay disparity gets even worse as one travels "down" the financial ladder. A ~typically male~ school janitor will make a lot more than a ~typically female~ hotel maid for instance.

And then there are the women who are left in "mid life". Those are the most troubling (perhaps because I know a few personally!). These are the stay-at-home moms who sacrifice their careers at the expense of the husband's. Suddenly he suffers a "mid life crisis" and leaves for a younger thang...and mom is left with three kids and a blank resume. The longer one has been out of the work force, the more difficult to land a well-paid job.

These are the women who, IMO, would best benefit from widowhood.
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Old 01-24-2007, 07:50 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,164,204 times
Reputation: 13176
Yeah, I'm now waiting for someone to copy and paste one of those glurge emails deploring today's society and how it was so much better during the golden age of the 50's <cue the Leave It To Beaver music>

The reality is that out of wedlock children have always, through no fault of their own, been born. And single parents, for one reason or another, are sometimes left to deal with parenthood as best they can.

I do think that some people out there do take advantage of our already strained social services. I've seen it happen. I end up feeling torn about this because I feel sad for the kids.

As you might expect, I am a huge proponent of birth control. Telling someone to close their legs (let alone keep the zipper up) is easier said than done.
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Old 01-24-2007, 08:04 AM
 
Location: texas
122 posts, read 164,245 times
Reputation: 27
I became a "single mother" at the age of 19. I chose to become one because it was not my childs fault she was conceived, nor was it mine. She is the product of rape. I chose to have her because I could not bring myself to abort her, nor give her up for adoption. It was hard considering the circumstances in which she was conceived, but she is my life. I came close to losing her a couple of times. When she was 5 days old, my mother went to her crib to get her and she was already turning blue from not breathing. The doctors say she is now known as a "SIDS" survivor. If my mother had not found her when she did, my soon to be 16 year old daughter would not be here today. The 2nd time I almost lost her is when she was 18 months old and went into what is called "fever" convulsions. Her heart stopped beating twice, but the doctors were able to bring her back. I thank God every day for this gift in my life. Sure it was hard to raise her on my own, but I did it with the help from my wonderful family and friends. I had a full time job, my own car, and my own place and we survived for 12 years on our own until I got married in 2003. She gets along great with her step dad, but she considers him her dad because she never had one during her younger years. She knows the circumstances behind her conception, but I have never told her who it was (i know him) and for now she has accepted that. Some day I will tell her who he is, but for now she is content.
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