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Old 07-21-2008, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Salem, Oregon
2 posts, read 40,863 times
Reputation: 13
Default Sleeping arrangements for child visitations

my daughter recently spent 2 weeks at her Dad's (he lives with his Mom), she had not been to spend time with him in a long time!!! Now she is visiting my grandparents for a couple weeks. My grandma called last night to tell me something interesting.... My daughter got out of the bath, and told my grandma she does NOT want to go to see her Dad ever again. Of course my grandma thinks something horrible happened to her. Apparently though, her dad had a girl staying with him, in his bed, and my daughter had to sleep on the floor in the same room with them!!! I am LIVID, and don't even know what to say or do.... I could care less if he has a girlfriend, but don't approve of her having to sleep on the floor with them in the bed. Our divorce was just final in May! Also not appropriate for her to be around, and I just think he only had her for 2 weeks couldn't he put his actions and sex life aside for that time???
I have tried calling the local court/family law/ and legal aide. No one can tell me the laws regarding this. I would think she is required to have her own room and bed?
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,592 posts, read 21,370,461 times
Reputation: 6021
At least here in Florida, its my understanding that a child visiting with one or the other parent is not supposed to sleep in the same room with someone who is not their parent.

I think they would also have a problem with a female child sleeping in the same room with just her Father on his own.

I personally would call whatever department is called, here its called The Department of Children and Families and report to them what has happened.
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Hillsboro, OR
5,323 posts, read 4,050,977 times
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Obviously the child should not have been sleeping on the floor and it would not have been appropriate for her to sleep in bed with a stranger. At the very least a bed could have been made for her in the living room. But, no, a child sleeping with her father "on his own" is perfectly normal. Legal is another matter. It was never an issue for us. My ex-wife bad as she was never made the slightest issue of what might or might not happen if I was alone with my daughters. Unfortunately she did not think the same about "moving on". You say she had not been to stay with him in a 'long' time. I'd say then it was perfectly natural for him to have a girlfriend then. Maybe it wasn't the most considerate thing he did but it was 'normal' and probably legal or at least it would be hard to get any legal injunction against a repeat. This really hits a nerve since it very closely echoes my own experiences. Mothers and society in general think men are dispensible and if a marriage can't work then the men should clear off and send alimony or child support checks and never be seen or heard from otherwise again. Wrong. It sends completely the wrong message to children. Absolutely the child needs reasonable accomodations during a visit but that there needs to be 'supervision' during a visit and that it not be a 'girlfriend' is very hard to work out in practice.

H
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Salem, Oregon
2 posts, read 40,863 times
Reputation: 13
I should clarify that he is to have weekend visits (every other) but can't because of his work schedule. This 'girl' is new, because our divorce was final just in May of 08!! My daughter has lived with me solely and this is the first visit to stay with him in quite some time, yes. I see nothing wrong with her and him in the same room as I know NOTHING would happen there at all... However I don't know what him and this girl were doing with our 8 year old 1 foot away on the floor! Also he has not been a good Dad or role model for her, I have not intentionally removed her from seeing him, he just doesn't make her a priority, and is cancelling their plans all the time or just not showing etc...
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Baker City, Oregon
1,896 posts, read 2,699,232 times
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Isn't there a Jerry Springer Show forum that this thread can be transfered to??
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Hillsboro, OR
5,323 posts, read 4,050,977 times
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Yes, I imagine there is a more appropriate forum for this thread but it wound up here and the poster needed the benefit of my wisdom and experience more than she needed a trite redirect

H
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Old 07-21-2008, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Hillsboro, OR
5,323 posts, read 4,050,977 times
Reputation: 3221
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonfly1976 View Post
However I don't know what him and this girl were doing with our 8 year old 1 foot away on the floor!
Do you really, really think they were doing anything with your daughter in the same room? I can't 100% go out on a limb for them (it takes two) but I think it highly unlikely. Beyond that, karlch is right, this is very off topic, in this forum you will likely not get the best responses to your issues. Hope you can work them out.

H
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Old 07-21-2008, 07:30 PM
 
15,558 posts, read 14,652,747 times
Reputation: 6543
Wow. I suppose this post will be redirected, but the OP was only trying to get information.

If I'm reading the post correctly, your daughter spent two weeks at his place and slept on the floor the entire time?

Is this something that you can ask his mother about, since he lives with her? A child not wanting to visit her father again is a pretty bad sign.

You need to talk with Children's Services. Their offices are right there in Salem where you live. In your divorce decree there should be some visitation arrangement and perhaps talking with the judge who finalized it would be helpful.
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Old 07-21-2008, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,592 posts, read 21,370,461 times
Reputation: 6021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla View Post
Wow. I suppose this post will be redirected, but the OP was only trying to get information.

If I'm reading the post correctly, your daughter spent two weeks at his place and slept on the floor the entire time?

Is this something that you can ask his mother about, since he lives with her? A child not wanting to visit her father again is a pretty bad sign.

You need to talk with Children's Services. Their offices are right there in Salem where you live. In your divorce decree there should be some visitation arrangement and perhaps talking with the judge who finalized it would be helpful.
I have heard it said over and over again that a child should have their own place to sleep, not the floor and that they should NOT sleep in the room of an opposite sex parent AND not in the room with someone who is not a relative such as the case where this child was forced to sleep in the same bedroom with the Father and his girlfriend. The problem is that alot of people assume once the child is asleep, its FINE to do whatever they want sexually. If they weren't doing anything, why was the girlfriend there to begin with?? Doesn't make much sense.

This should be moved to the parenting forum. As for the people who have so little sympathy to suggest Jerry Springer, I assume your not parents. This is exactly the kind of thing the parenting forum is for. People want to hear from others who have had the same experience, they need emotional support and information. This is no doubt a very trying time for the MOther and child, the ability to talk to others who have gone through it, could make a big different to this woman.
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Old 07-21-2008, 09:40 PM
 
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 5,639,536 times
Reputation: 1180
I can totally sympathize. I went through this w/my daughter and her visitations w/her father. Found out that she had been sleeping in the same bed w/him and his 16yr old GF (ya, he was in his late-20s at the time) we also had the fact she hadn't seen her father in over a year, and he'd already gotten court "advised" therapy for a "sexual addiction". We went back to court and the judge said there was nothing wrong w/what he was doing that maybe he was trying to bond with her by sharing a "family bed" arrangement....(by court time, he was w/an 18yr old, so she was legal...) Unless things have changed in the last 10yrs, (and its ALWAYS worth looking into!!) you might not have much of a leg to stand on. I know I didnt....Call and get ahold of a family lawyer and go for a consult....
Best of luck to you!! Maybe talking to the dad might work too btw...Let him know it really upset the little one....you might be pleasantly surprised by his reaction?
Tiffany
BTW, my daughter now sleeps on the floor of his GFs daughter, at his GFs exboyfriends house, while he and the GF sleep in the GFs ExBFs garage....now hows THAT for Jerry Springer?
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