Desperate father (custody, legal, divorce, parents)

[sconation]

I went to Iraq for a year and came home to a divorce. When I went to Iraq I essentially changed careers, and our plan was to re-locate once I got home. I used to work in real estate, and that has tanked here locally. There are no job propects where we are, and I am now forced to move to a state where my new profession is located if I hope to provide for my family. I feel I have sacrificed greatly for this opportunity, and I desperatly want to be a part of my son's life. I was tempted to get a low paying job just to stick around, but that will not help my son or myself. I am just starting the divorce process, and I am really concerned about being marginalized as a parent. She has temporary custody at this point, as well as posession of the house and everything in it.
I strongly believe BOTH parents should be involved in a child's upbringing. I have looked at shared parenting plans, but they do not seem to address when and interested parent lives out of state. Any suggestions would be welcome.

[BioAdoptMom3]

I wish I had suggestions for you, but I really don't.

First, thank you for doing your part to serve and protect our country and the people of the middle east! We appreciate you and what you do.

Second, I can and will add you to my prayer list and I hope that is acceptable to you. I comment you for wanting to continue to take such an active and involved role in your child's life. He is blessed!

Nancy

[evilnewbie]

Because you are a man, the system is against you... You will pay for everything even if you did nothing wrong... sorry but those are the facts of life in the U.S.... the only way to change it is to get a lobbyist for a "mens advocacy group"...

[anifani821]

Most courts fully recognize the importance of a father's role in his child's life. Do not assume you will not be considered as integral as his mother in his upbringing. That being said, you really need a good family attorney to help you sort out the issues and write up a workable custody and visitation agreement.

You can stay involved in your child's life, even long distance, by visiting as often as possible and setting up visitation schedule so that your child is w/ you at various holidays and periods thru/t the year.

That being said . . . you didn't give your child's age . . . so it is quite possible that your ex will remarry and have a new role model in his life. You have to face this and realize that the further away you are (in distance) the more difficult it will be to remain the central figure in your child's life. However, there is never too much love in this world, so the thing you need to focus on is making sure you can follow through w/ visitation, sending cards, setting up a video cam for 2-way online conversations w/ your child, etc. There is no reason you can't stay involved in your child's life, but you need to prepare now for the longterm . . . and be emotionally aware of the changes that will most likely occur down the road. You may find someone else and start a family, as well. You will also have a continuing financial obligation to your child.

Sorting all these things out is not easy. The only way to have your rights represented is to get an attorney who will work with you. Many family courts have mediation available, and coming to agreement on a parenting plan - w/ your ex cooperating and in agreement - would make things much more sane for everyone involved.

[Tzaphkiel]

Any parenting plan can be customized to fit the needs of time with the parents. There is no "set" parenting plan.

Find an attorney who specializes in father's rights and father's shared custody arrangements. There are more and more all the time, as father's rights are recognized and enforced; and as more fathers seek an active role in their children's upbringing.

If cost is a factor, keep asking until you find one with reduced rates or free. Tell them you are a veteran, many organizations have discounts and are proud to give services to our veterans.

Thank you for serving.

Also DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING regarding a permanent parenting plan unless and until you are satisfied with the arrangements to see your children. The opening post says it is temporary, keep it that way until you get good legal advice and input from an attorney who works with fathers for fair custody. (I found out the hard way with parenting plans once they are final it is REALLY HARD to change them; much better to get one you are happy with at the start then try to change it later. )

Also it is possible to have put in the parenting plan restrictions on either parent moving far away or out of state and removing the kids from the other parent; this is because the court recognizes the importance of both parents in a child's life. Try to keep joint or shared custody; once you give someone full custody or primary custody, they get to make all decisions including moving and you have much less input.

[sconation]

First, I want to thank you all for your input. It is helping me focus my efforts toward my son's bet interest.

I also want to thank those of you who expressed gratitude for my service, it means more to me than I can properly articulate. I hope I am not invited to return, again.

My son is three. I am working hard on a shared parenting plan and am pushing for joint custody. Unfortunantly, my attorney is not as good as his recommendations led me to believe, but I have limited resources and cannot afford to change horses now.

I won't sign anything until I am assurred a significant role in my son's upbringing. Again, thanks to all for your input.

[pandorasbox]

first of all
thank you for your service to our country for protecting all of us. But it is pretty crappy what you got for it, a split in family. sorry to here it. My son is going thru the same himself. That is why I came to this site. I need to vent also..It is and going to be hard to be away from your son , but just keep reminding him how much you love him and it will work out.

Originally Posted by sconation

I went to Iraq for a year and came home to a divorce. When I went to Iraq I essentially changed careers, and our plan was to re-locate once I got home. I used to work in real estate, and that has tanked here locally. There are no job propects where we are, and I am now forced to move to a state where my new profession is located if I hope to provide for my family. I feel I have sacrificed greatly for this opportunity, and I desperatly want to be a part of my son's life. I was tempted to get a low paying job just to stick around, but that will not help my son or myself. I am just starting the divorce process, and I am really concerned about being marginalized as a parent. She has temporary custody at this point, as well as posession of the house and everything in it.
I strongly believe BOTH parents should be involved in a child's upbringing. I have looked at shared parenting plans, but they do not seem to address when and interested parent lives out of state. Any suggestions would be welcome.

[ExPit]

Originally Posted by sconation

I went to Iraq for a year and came home to a divorce. When I went to Iraq I essentially changed careers, and our plan was to re-locate once I got home. I used to work in real estate, and that has tanked here locally. There are no job propects where we are, and I am now forced to move to a state where my new profession is located if I hope to provide for my family. I feel I have sacrificed greatly for this opportunity, and I desperatly want to be a part of my son's life. I was tempted to get a low paying job just to stick around, but that will not help my son or myself. I am just starting the divorce process, and I am really concerned about being marginalized as a parent. She has temporary custody at this point, as well as posession of the house and everything in it.
I strongly believe BOTH parents should be involved in a child's upbringing. I have looked at shared parenting plans, but they do not seem to address when and interested parent lives out of state. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Hey brother, how ya doin'? Not the best I know and I feel for you. The fact that you are desperate to stay in your son's life tells me all I need to know about you as a man, and could very well make all the difference to your son in the short and the long run. I'm a father, and I think a pretty good one. I try my best, often when I have nothin' left and that's what makes the difference for my kids and I bet it will for your son too.

When I was a kid my parents split, and it hurt even more when my mother remarried and moved me out of town. If that wasn't bad enough there were months in a row thereafter when I didn't hear from my dad, not a word by letter or phone, and of course I figured he didn't love me or like me anymore, whichever kids think. It wasn't till I was much older, and my birth parents had actually got back together that I understood that it had nothin' to do with me. That it was my dad's pride and anger at my mother that kept him from contacting me; guilt by association I guess. I can't tell you how to work the system, how to fight it or dance to that frustrating tune, but I just wanna give you a heads up in case it hasn't occurred to you yet, and that's whatever you do, whatever happens, don't let them keep you from staying in touch with your son in a real and consistent way. Because long after legal guidelines are drawn, attorney fees have been paid, and everybody is relocated into their new lives, what your son will remember all his life is how much his dad loved him, how much he fought for him when they tried to take it away. Hang in their buddy, we don't know each other and probably never will, but I'm pulling for you and your son.

[borntobeme]

My advise....

Stay here and be a part in raising your child. He needs you in his life.

As far as moving out of state, (i have step kids out of state) we dont get to see them that often, and it is very costly to get them from one home to the next. Because it was my husband who left we have to pay all the travel. The sad part is that we dont get to see them that often, spring break, thanksgiving, christmas and part of the summer.

It is soo hard to try and be a part of their life from a far.

[djacques]

Originally Posted by BioAdoptMom3

First, thank you for doing your part to serve and protect our country and the people of the middle east! We appreciate you and what you do.

Who's we? I don't appreciate it at all. Keep my name off the Valentine card please.