Father and Son (games, boys, play, 14 yr old)

[puffle]

Anyone out there that has a husband that has verbal fights with their teenage son and visa versa? My son is no saint but he is still a child and way too often my husband acts like one too. It's like trying to break up a fight between siblings with me in the middle trying to make sure my son doesn't push too many buttons with my husband. I am worn out trying to keep the peace. There are some calm moments but not as often as volitile. My son has legitimate reasons to resent my husband but it seems more like a power trip for my husband when he reacts to my son and says stupid and hurtful things. We are starting family therapy, again, this week because things have really escalated with destructive outbursts from my son that cannot continue. I don't know how to continue? I feel that my first impulse should be to protect my son at all costs because my husband is an "adult", bigger and should know better. Help

[Rita Mordio]

I'd say that if both boys are acting like children, you should treat them both like children. Here are some suggestions:

Seperate them.... or handcuff them together.

The seperation would give each of them time to cool their heads. Time apart where you can talk to them seperately and try to find the true core of the problem.

Handcuffing them together would force them to be right next to one another for a length of time. This could help them talk out their problems..... or just create a 911 Emergency phone call for ambulance.

A final suggestion would be for mommy to have time to not deal with children. Try to plan a vacation for just you. Don't tell anyone.... and just one day, you're gone!

[tiffela74]

privately videotape them during a shouting match....then, have them sit down seperatly after theyve cooled down to watch it. Maybe if they SEE and HEAR how they sound and what they are saying, it might light a bulb.

[puffle]

I have threatened to record them but when the moment hits, the last thing you think about is quick, let me get my cell phone and record this! Good suggestion but it goes deeper.

[maestramommy]

It's good that you are starting family therapy. Will you be doing marriage counseling as well? I ask because I suspect (although I'm not sure) from your post that your son isn't your husband's son, and I wonder how their dynamic is affecting your relationship with your husband. In any case, I agree that this goes much deeper than the spectacle they make when they are fighting. I hope the therapy helps everyone come to some solutions.

[ajzjmsmom]

Do you side with your son against your husband? Does your son play you against your husband maybe making your husband feel like he is in this alone? I know how hard it is to raise teenage boys, I have one that is finally 20 and one that is 14, the oldest was my dh's stepson and the 14 yr old is his bio but it is not allowable in our household for it to escalate to that point. I have seen the potential for it to escalate but I ALWAYS back my husband up even if I don't agree, then behind closed doors we discuss why I thought it was wrong. I like maestramommy wondered if it was a step-father, step-son relationship.

[drjones96]

My oldest daughter is actually my step daughter. When she steps out of line I let her mom handle the discipline. The only time I ever get involved from that standpoint is if her mom isn't there. And I usually don't take as hard of a line as her mom would. I'm already the 'step father'....I don't want to add 'd!&khead' to the title.

I'm not telling you what to do but if I were you I'd tell your husband to back off and let you handle it. BUT...if you aren't handling it....well....?

[puffle]

Biological father and son. They are like two peas in a pod. I think that is part of the reason they butt heads so much and the other is because my son, for good reason, is lacking respect for him. I don't want to get into the issues too deeply here. My salvation is being at work.

[akck]

Go out and buy a Rock'em Sock'em Robots game. When you notice them about to go at it, pull out the game and have them go at it instead. If your husband plays video games, switch to a competitive video game and then move to cooperative ones where they have to work together to win. The idea is to re-direct the competitive behavior before it escalates verbally and physically.

[steelstress]

How old is your son? What are they fighting about?