Parenting Help. (day care, toddlers, parents, girl)

[DBNN]

My daughter is 5 and in Kindergarten. I 'm a stay at home Mom.
My daughter has never been to a Day Care and has only been watched by a family member a few times.

I never let her play outside alone. My neighbor lets their 6 year old girl play outside alone and she comes to our door alone.
This Little girl has been inside our house to play for a couple hours.

My daughters little friend wants her to come to her house and play. I do not know if I can handle letting my daughter go.
What do you think? Do you think I'm being over protective ? Is it normal for 5 year olds to play outside alone and walk to neighbors houses alone.
My problem is my daughter was upset and crying because I wouldn't let her go.

We just moved into town from the country on acreage. My daughter is not use to living in town with roads. We have a freeway close by. I do not think a 5 year old would wonder off onto a road but.............No one can watch her like I Do !

[plaidmom]

I'd go over and meet the neighbor. I wouldn't let my 5 year-old daughter play at a strangers house; you want a relationship with the parents before you make that decision.

After meeting the parent(s) in person, you may decide they are ok...or you may decide that all play-dates will happen at your house.

Five years old is also probably a good age to start talking about some basic traffic-safety (e.g. "don't cross a street without a grownup" or "only walk on a sidewalk").

[jkmewright]

I'd rather be overprotective and hurt her feelings than to have something happen to your nearest and dearest. As plaid said, go over there and hang out. If they take offense, that's their problem. Any mother would understand I hope *shrug*. I agree that 5 is too young to be wandering the streets alone. We (the neighbor kids, myself and child) often spend hours in my backyard or I will park my take-along chair right on the curb and read while they play nearby. I am also an "overprotective mother" and the neighbor kids probably think I like to play too lol . Whatever your decision, the kids will adjust and discover that "that's just how it goes".

[33458]

Even in the good 'ol days I would not have thought it wise to let a 5 year old play alone outside - still a little too young to handle emergencies like strange dogs and yellow jackets herself...
Nowadays? You've got to be kidding. No way. Too many other dangers out there.

I think I could make an exception if the kids were confined in a safe, enclosed area free from hazard (vehicles, large ant piles, kidnappers) and I was certain the parent in charge was paying some sort of attention to them, even if from inside the house...but what you've described sounds too casual for my own preference.

We had a renting family across the street a few years ago that used to let their kids run wild around the neighborhood...used to play in the middle of the street and not move for cars (Darwinism) but I felt most concerned about the toddler - had to be 3 or 4? Was sturdy, physically capable for his age but didn't seem to speak yet, not that I ever heard, anyway...they started letting him out and that kid would just wander down the street, in the street, around the block...every half an hour or so someone would scream from inside the house for the kid to come back in the yard, but if he didn't, they wouldn't usually come looking for him, either. It was sad and I was about ready to call HRS/DCF about this when they moved.

[33458]

Originally Posted by plaidmom

Five years old is also probably a good age to start talking about some basic traffic-safety (e.g. "don't cross a street without a grownup" or "only walk on a sidewalk").

Mo is just turning three and we're already well in to that...

[Rance]

Dang...I was scooting my boys out the door by 3 and 4. Of course all I had to worry about was a bear or moose walking through the yard.

[Ms.Charlotte]

I have a 4 yr. old and 6 yr. old who play at the neighbors' houses all the time. However, we all know eachother well. When other school friends want "playdates" with my 6 yr. old I decline unless I'm welcome to stay. You NEVER EVER know what someone's home situation is. I wouldn't take the chance unless I knew the family and could count them as friends.

As far as playing outside goes, imo, they are too young unless there is a parent sitting outside watching. That's the way we do it here. I will let them play on my front porch or in the driveway if I can't be outside.

[Trainwreck20]

Our neighborhood has children about the 6 y/o range that go from one friends house to another on a regular basis; however, all the parents seem to know each other quite well. Our street has very little traffic (it doesn't 'go' anywhere), and most evenings there are 3 or 4 couples (or more) out with the 'little ones' (toddlers and such) playing along the sidewalks and riding bigwheels/bikes in the street. The adults are very good at watching for traffic (although avg. speed is probably 5 mph on our street) and watching out for strangers, kids in distress, etc. I suspect the paretns of the children going to a neighbors watch until they get there, but I have not paid that close attention. We have a small child and hope the neighborhood is still as friendly when she gets older.

Six is a good age to start teach responsibilities, although it varies a little depending on the child. I taught elementary school for a while, and had more problems coming from the children that were too sheltered and the parents were 'over' involved. From 2nd grade to 5th grade (the range at the school), there was a very specific plan to transfer responsibility from the teachers/parents to the child, little steps at a time. Maturity wise, I suspect that this would work at home too.

[Nea1]

I have a 9 year old daughter and I still dont like her outside alone. I go over and meet the parents, it they want to walk over I usually stand outside and watch them get to the door. As for walking on streets, she need to know the rules and get her used to it. Hold her hand walk the streets and explain the rules, why and what can happen if you dont.

[33458]

Originally Posted by Trainwreck20

. had more problems coming from the children that were too sheltered and the parents were 'over' involved. .

We don't have that problem in this neighborhood...the parents are no-where to be seen. Meanwhile the kids are selling drugs on the street-corner or playing chicken with traffic.
The difference between ignoring, monitoring and sheltering can be all too evident...wanting an independent but well-learned child, I'll stick with responsible monitoring.