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When I was in trouble and got grounded, mom didn't take my things away, the things stayed right where they were. I wasn't allowed to use them, or to leave my bed for any reason other than eating, doing chores or using the toilet. I could read my books, that was it. But no, it's not stealing, it's called punishment.
Q... aside from being angry about this incident, do you think you are a better person for the overall rules and discipline you parents tried to enforce or a worse person?
I'd say I'm a better person because I would never even dare rob a bank, punch someone, break in to a store, shoplift, or commit any other crime. I know that committing a crime means doing time in prison and/or paying a fine. I think having your parents take things away from you whenever you misbehave is analogous to you paying a fine for your infraction and that getting grounded is analogous to you going to prison. So, I'd say that my parents were teaching me how the real world works. Had my parents not done what they did to teach me about the real world, I would have seen nothing wrong with committing crimes. The real world is governed by rules and regulations. It is not a free-for-all.
My mother always said "As long as you put your feet under MY table you will follow MY rules". And before you get upset, no we did not miss any meals. She meant that anytime we wanted to provide our own table and the food to go on it, we were free to do so and could then make our own rules. Since those days I have come to realize that I didn't know nearly as much as I thought I did and I appreciate my Mom and Dad setting limits. What they did gave me a good grounding for making my own way in the world when I became an adult. It is never fun to punish a child, but it is a form of love. My parents wanted me to be the best person I could, and they took the responsibility of giving me guidance in the form of punishment or praise when warrented.
I'd like someones opinion on this..... My parents cosigned on my car 6 years ago (that car is since gone) and subsequently TOOK it away a week after I got it (becuz I misbehaved) even though Iiiiiiiiiii was making the payments!!!!! THAT is when stealing comes into question for me. They may have their name on the loan, but I am the only one paying for it
6 years ago, I'm assuming you were under 18. Although the car was "yours", your parents had liability in that as a minor, they are responsible for you and your actions. A car is a RESPONSIBLITY. Perhaps your behavior convinced your parents that you were not very responsible and they did not want to be held liable for your actions.
If you were over 18, you should've moved out. Too many losers living at home after they turn 18, 22, 25, 37, etc and whining about what their parents won't "let" them do. I say pay your own bills and be responsible to and for yourself!
Oh, and this has to be pointed out - you made the payments for a whole week? And you're still so bitter about it 6 years ago... hmmm, let me guess... still living at home off mom and dad, right?
You're not so much "scandalous" as immature.
No I never said I was bitter. I find the situation HILARIOUS now that I think of it. Because they tried to "punish me" but yet they still let me use THEIR car :P ???? That didn't make much sense to me back then.
And no, I do not live off my mom and dad. AT ALL. When I turned 18 I started branching away from them by first and foremost buying my own cell phone so my mom couldn't take it away from me (AND PAYING FOR IT) I opened my own credit cards, which I have always paid for on my own. They did indeed cosign on my first car, but I paid for it completely on my own, and four years later (in 2006) I was able to trade it in and buy a car completely buy myself, no cosigner. I have since bought ANOTHER new car without my parents even BEING at the dealership (completely on my own).... that was the greatest feeling in the world. Being able to haggle on my own, talk them down on the price on my own and negotiate payments on my own was SUCH a great feeling. (and I'm female, dealing with male salesmen)..... I walked out on cloud nine.... and then drove my brand new car away on cloud nine
I'd say I'm a better person because I would never even dare rob a bank, punch someone, break in to a store, shoplift, or commit any other crime. I know that committing a crime means doing time in prison and/or paying a fine. I think having your parents take things away from you whenever you misbehave is analogous to you paying a fine for your infraction and that getting grounded is analogous to you going to prison. So, I'd say that my parents were teaching me how the real world works. Had my parents not done what they did to teach me about the real world, I would have seen nothing wrong with committing crimes. The real world is governed by rules and regulations. It is not a free-for-all.
I feel the same way, but I never got grounded..... I only had my car taken away once. And I only had my cell phone taken away twice before I hit the great age of 18 and bought my own. After that my parents never really were able to punish me. And BEFORE turning 18 I was never really misbehaved. I think the few times that they were able to punish me just made me appreciate being able to earn things on my own. Because then I owned them free and clear and they couldn't be taken away :P
Well, since I am the parent, everything in the house belongs to me, especially if I bought it.
When my kid turns 18, perhaps I might let them have the things I bought for them, or maybe not.
The possessions I worked my ass off to buy and give to my child are not free, they are to be used in the manner in which I agree with and they are a priviledge, one that can be taken away if I need to for punishment purposes.
Even if my kid went out and bought their own computer and paid for their own internet, its my house, my rules, until they move out then they will have to abide by those rules.
Wayyyyy too harsh!! Just because I buy the things for them does not mean they are just mine. It is our house, and they have their rooms. When something is bought forthem, it is a gift when it is GIVEN, to them it is free, not just to use until they leave. You otherwise wouldn't have bought the item if it wasn't for their use, correct? So, you did buy it to give to them...It's not like as children they can go get jobs and buy their own toys, bed, etc. It's our job as parents to PROVIDE for them, not LEND to them.
Now say they do something that does require a punishment, since you are the parent, and it's your job to guide them, taking away something is not considering stealing if it's a punishment. Three reasons:
1. If they had not gotten into trouble and had followed the rules, there wouldn't be a need for punishment and they would be able to use their stuff
2. You're not "stealing" it when you are simply not allowing them to use the item until their punishment ends. They will still get the item back in the end. When you punish them by not letting them go out with friends, etc., you are taking their right to go out away, just like the usage of an item. They will eventually get that privilege back.
3. Repeat offenses may get the item banned for an extended amount of time, but unless it's a drastic thing that they did, they will eventually get that back as well.
I think until you're a parent of a teen, it is difficult to understand disciplining a teen. I've been through this 4 times now. 2 of my own and 2 step-children. Step children add another unique balancing situation, but at the core it still requires parents to agree to house rules and discipline.
Recently our 15yr old has been grounded from the cell phones and computers for 3 days. 2 of her 4 favorite things. This followed an addition of a cell phone rule due to disregarding guidelines set out and the behaviour around it. The idea around removing both is because they both revolve around communication, which is the underlying issue driving her behaviour.
Things have not been taken away, the phones are still out, the computers are still accessible. Trust has been instilled in her until otherwise broken. My oldest continued to break trust and therefore had to have things removed each and every time from the age of 15. Not every child provides those challenges to parenting. I think our 15yr old will continue to push limits as she typically has been able to get her way in school and with her mom. She is not used to the application of 'the real world'. Rule broken = consequence.
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And you're still so bitter about it 6 years ago... hmmm, let me guess... still living at home off mom and dad, right?
Just because I buy the things for them does not mean they are just mine. It is our house, and they have their rooms. When something is bought forthem, it is a gift when it is GIVEN, to them it is free, not just to use until they leave. You otherwise wouldn't have bought the item if it wasn't for their use, correct? So, you did buy it to give to them...It's not like as children they can go get jobs and buy their own toys, bed, etc. It's our job as parents to PROVIDE for them, not LEND to them. 