U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
View Poll Results: Is taking things away from a child stealing?
Yes 3 2.59%
No 113 97.41%
Voters: 116. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
Old 08-03-2008, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Waipahu, HI
50 posts, read 117,027 times
Reputation: 66
Question Taking things away--is that stealing?

When I was a preteen, my parents would take away my computer and stereo whenever I misbehaved, e.g., showing disrespect, not doing my homework, not doing the dishes, staying up late, etc. When I argued that they could not take those things away from me because that was stealing, they told me that they bought those things out of their own money and therefore had the right to take those things away. I, on the other hand, was thinking that the computer and stereo were mine. What is your take on taking things away from your misbehaving kids?

 
Old 08-03-2008, 08:53 PM
 
1,560 posts, read 2,254,323 times
Reputation: 1128
Well, since I am the parent, everything in the house belongs to me, especially if I bought it.

When my kid turns 18, perhaps I might let them have the things I bought for them, or maybe not.

The possessions I worked my ass off to buy and give to my child are not free, they are to be used in the manner in which I agree with and they are a priviledge, one that can be taken away if I need to for punishment purposes.

Even if my kid went out and bought their own computer and paid for their own internet, its my house, my rules, until they move out then they will have to abide by those rules.
 
Old 08-03-2008, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 1,813,779 times
Reputation: 1126
IBadget, I cannot and will not tell you your parents are right or wrong. That is for you to work out with them. I can, however, tell you how things work in our family.

In our family, my son's items are his. His computer, his TV, his IPod and so on. When he moves out (not college but really, truly out out), I fully expect he'll consider taking these items and more with him. We as his parents purchased the items but we consider them gifts with no strings. They are his to do with what he will. Keep in mind, my opinion might change if he decided to destroy or give away these items.

That being said, on the one occasion that warranted it, we felt we were within our rights (and responsibilities) as parents to restrict his usage of an item (TV in his room). It was not "stealing" because we did not confiscate it with the intent of using it for ourselves or worse, to sell. It was (and is) still his, but he needed to earn back the right to access.

It only happened that once, I'm glad to say, partially because he was/is a rather easy-going and reasonable fellow. More often than not, we found talking with him (or restricting activities) was a more effective means of getting him back on track.

Perhaps, during a quiet moment, you can bring the subject up to discuss with your folks rationally. Think through your position and present it in a calm and respectful manner ("Mom, Dad, it makes me sad when you say blahblahblah") Don't accuse them of "stealing". That's way too loaded and emotional a word and will put them on the defensive. A discussion may not change their minds and if it doesn't, you just have to accept that. On the other hand, perhaps they'll get a better understanding of your concern and you may get a better appreciation for their position.
 
Old 08-03-2008, 09:51 PM
 
3,191 posts, read 5,548,093 times
Reputation: 2079
NO it isn't 'stealing'...it is called being a parent and doing whatever you need to do to enforce rules.
Ah, but the computer, stereo, etc. was a gift to the child you argue??
Well then parent, turn the dadgummed breaker off and let Jr. see how much fun they are without the electricity to use them!!

(Bettter yet, get rid of the junk and when you send Johnny to his room for punishment, he won't have anything to do but think about what he did wrong
 
Old 08-03-2008, 11:12 PM
 
Location: In a little valley under the Rim
2,229 posts, read 3,783,400 times
Reputation: 1816
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyma View Post
Ah, but the computer, stereo, etc. was a gift to the child you argue??
Well then parent, turn the dadgummed breaker off and let Jr. see how much fun they are without the electricity to use them!!
That was very funny!

There is a strange dual-ownership of children's things. Are they the child's? Yes. Do the parents have the right to take it away? Yes. Actually, there are numerous instances of situations like this, like the fuedal system. People "owned" their houses in regards to other peasants, yet if the lord said "move," they had to, because they didn't really own their houses, the lord did. Not sure if this is a good analogy... but a kid's personal items are their own in regard to other siblings/friends, but the parents have the final say in them.

Besides, its a very effective discipline tool--cause and effect at its finest (its helped me with my five y.o.'s digressive (and harmful) tendencies toward his younger brother). And much like real life, I must add. You screw up at work, you get fired or passed over for promotion--no more money for toys! You speed, you get a fine and an insurance hike--less money for toys! You steal/rob, you get jail time and really no more toys!
 
Old 08-04-2008, 06:03 AM
 
Location: FL
1,919 posts, read 5,547,366 times
Reputation: 2041
I too believe in duel ownership.

Think of it this way. A person is driving HIS car under the infuence of booze. It is his car, paid out right...his license....he went and got it and paid whatever fees for that license. Has to update it when it's time. However, when that said driver gets arrrested for DUI....his license will be taken away...for his behavior. Yes, it may be illegal...but poor behavior on my child's part is "illegal" in my house.

If a person doesn't pay the mortgage on his house, after a certain amount of time, that house will be taken away from him.

My children's behavior is their payment for their priviledges (sorry for the spelling, I am too tired to go and fix). I let them know ahead of time...yes, these are yours, but the rule for lying to me is a playstation game broken. So when you choose to lie to me, you are choosing to break the rule (law as it is in my house) and you are dealing with the consequences.

I don't make up the rules as I go along. They know my expectations ahead of time. Lying to anyone from either of my children is a game broken and pepper in the mouth (sorry for those who disagree....but this may be a reason why I rarely have to deal with lying). Poor misbehavior in school is no TV and an apology letter to the teacher. If the misbehavior continues, that TV will be taken away and you will miss whatever extra curriculur activity you are in.

For my oldest, who is very forgetful, he gets a game broken for each assignment he forgets to turn in and receives a zero.

For each assignment late he writes lines and gets one day off of his vacation time being grounded....in the beginning of the year it will be winter vacation, middle it will be spring break, and end, he will be grounded into summer.

These are the rules, or laws of my house, and as such, they are expected to be followed, or to be dealt with consequences just like in the real world.

Of course I have rewards too
 
Old 08-04-2008, 07:45 AM
 
3,364 posts, read 5,642,297 times
Reputation: 4615
They may be the child's possessions, but they reside in my home. If a child is incapable of keeping said possessions off the floor in my home (my house, my rules), then said possession becomes my property.

If one of their possessions is keeping them from obeying the rules of the family, then the possession has to go away.

Adding:

Mrshvo,

I was recently telling a GS Leader of our problem with our son's lying and the mean things he says on occassion to his little sister. She told me that a CPS caseworker once told her to use vinegar... it's a food product and therefore legal. So, lies and meanness now earn a squirt of vinegar in the mouth. "Nasty out, nasty in". It didn't take the kids long to realize they don't like vinegar.

Last edited by sskkc; 08-04-2008 at 07:50 AM.. Reason: add
 
Old 08-04-2008, 08:35 AM
 
Location: (WNY)
5,384 posts, read 6,774,888 times
Reputation: 7559
Quote:
Originally Posted by IBadget View Post
When I was a preteen, my parents would take away my computer and stereo whenever I misbehaved, e.g., showing disrespect, not doing my homework, not doing the dishes, staying up late, etc. When I argued that they could not take those things away from me because that was stealing, they told me that they bought those things out of their own money and therefore had the right to take those things away. I, on the other hand, was thinking that the computer and stereo were mine. What is your take on taking things away from your misbehaving kids?
This is rediculous... taking away a child's toy, stereo, car keys, phone... it is a very effective form of punishment/ behavior modification. I have the same theory as your parents.... it is in MY house, I paid for it, my kids are not living in a Democratic Household, my rules go, and if they screw up and need to be punished I will hit them where it hurts... for my kids it is the Barbie house or the computer... you better believe that they will be taken away for a day or two to get the point across... My parents took away my car keys, the phone in my room, my keyboard... they knew how to straighten me out and I knew I would lose something so I didn't do it agian... I see nothing wrong with this at all... if it is an established rule in the house, you know you are going to lose it, you do it anyway then you deserve to have it taken away! Plain and simple... these things you have are not a rite... you earn the rite to have the USE of them... if you screw up...you lose the rite to ownership... plain and simple... think of it in adult terms... you screw off and don't pay your mortgage, car payment, loans of sorts- the Bank takes THEIR HOUSE, THEIR CAR, ThEIR WHATEVER, away... I think it is a good lesson to learn at a young age...consequences for you actions.
 
Old 08-04-2008, 09:23 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,691,470 times
Reputation: 3114
Stealing? Oh geez...

Please, this "hands off" parenting philosophy is such an injustice to children.

Most parents don't buy items for their children with the intention of using the items as bribes. If they do, shame on them & they need to figure out a better way to discipline. Indian giving as I have heard it termed is not necessarily a nice way to present things to people.

We do not purchase a gift for our children or give them things with the underlying theme of "if you are bad, it's gone".

BUT, we sure as heck won't bat an eye if they start acting like monsters or are disrespectful with the toys/items & will take them away for a period of time until we feel they have earned the right back.

As for teenagers, there needs to be boundaries & many times they cross them for they are ...teenagers ...and they will quickly rebound if they don't have access to the cell phone, internet, car keys, etc.

It is a great method if used properly.

To consider it "stealing" is close to hysterically funny but these days so many parents are hands off & want to be best buddies that I guess it is a normal way to think. Their kids have been raised with instant gratification & getting everything they want without doing anything to earn it, so I guess when the parents finally decide it is convienent to be a parent, the kids don't know how to respond & consider it "stealing".
 
Old 08-04-2008, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
11,054 posts, read 10,900,577 times
Reputation: 11133
I once took everything in my sons room except his bed a dresser. That sure got his attention. I still bag up and/or throw away my grandsons toys if he dosent put them up when I tell him too. Stealing my behind.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.



All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top